I'm at the Kukkiwon World Taekwondo headquarters
here in Seoul.
Today, I'm going to learn the great art of self defense
and I think given the hour that I have,
I should rise very high, maybe to the highest level.
(audience laughter)
They just told me that they wanna give a live demonstration
in my honor, that they've prepared.
This is the plastic chair of honor that I've been given.
We're I think 10 minutes into the production,
and nothing has happened.
I guess this is demonstrating that the best defense
is to not fight at all.
(dramatic, building music)
I think this is the Korean West Side Story.
(audience applause and laughter)
Okay, this guy is giving the Heimlich maneuver
to that gentleman right there.
Let's see what's happening, whoa!
If you're attacked by two men making love,
you just jump over them.
Whoa!
That's incredible.
Whoa!
(applause)
(dramatic music)
(audience laughter)
That's me in one hour.
I would like to learn Taekwondo, and I'd like to show
you my uniform.
(applause)
(speaks in foreign language)
Can I make sound effects?
(speaks in foreign language)
Is that okay, is that allowed?
Ha!
(shouting)
Okay, so how many do you want?
We'll start with one.
(shouts)
Answer the question.
How often have you been attacked with plywood?
(audience laughter)
(shouts)
(applause)
Was that helpful?
Broken, smashed, broken.
Two boards?
Can you do more?
Ha!
Two boards, two!
Wait, five?
What are you talking about, five?
What?
No!
They're making me jump from one to five.
Okay, I'm gonna do it.
(exhales)
(shouts)
(applause)
Yeah!
Ah!
Jesus!
Master Song, there is a person I work with
who irritates me.
(audience laughter)
This has a TDS of, let's say, 400.
This has a TDS, probably, reverse osmosis.
You know what?
I find you TDS.
(audience laughter)
I would like you and your students...
I dont know what, how do you say, "Kick the shit out of..."
To attack?
How about I pretend to attack you with this,
and you defend?
I do nothing important.
I waste your time.
Oh yeah!
(applause)