Hey there viewers!
Welcome back to bestie!
Do you dread family gatherings?
They say you can’t choose your family, and sometimes that rings true.
Family dynamics can be tricky to navigate.
Sometimes it’s a difference in politics, or religion.
Maybe your spouse doesn’t get along with certain family members and that can stress
your relationship with them.
There’s a million and one reasons as to why some families just can’t get along.
In today’s video we’re gonna talk about the behaviours of a dysfunctional family and
the symptoms you may carry with you because of a toxic family environment.
But stick around because we’ll also reveal the most important topic: how to heal and
move forward!
First things first;
What Is A Dysfunctional Family This usually means there are deeper issues
than just the occasional spat you may have with your mother in law.
While dysfunctional or toxic families can vary with their different behaviours and frequency
or severity here are a few different examples of dysfunctional behaviour within a family
unit.
1 Addictions This is a broad topic that can cover a wide
range of behaviours.
One or both parents could be affected and this will no doubt have negative consequences.
Alcohol or drug addiction is a big one but this can also include gambling issues, over
working or a problematic relationship with food.
2 Violence Hopefully this has never happened to you,
but unfortunately this is a reality for many people growing up.
It could be verbal, emotional or physical violence that has taken place.
Children may have witnessed violence, experienced it or the family may be in fear of explosive
outbursts and have had to “walk on eggshells” for the majority of their lives.
3 Withdrawing This means that one or both of the guardians
threaten to withdraw from their responsibilities as a parent.
This can mean emotionally but it can also mean physically, financially or simply refusing
to provide for their kids.
4 Treated Like You Owe Your Parents This one refers to a pattern of exploitation.
For example the parent may act as if the child should be constantly grateful to them for
everything and every moment of their life.
This also means that the parent acts as if the child's sole purpose in life is to do
everything that is demanded of them for the benefit of the adult.
5 Unreasonably Strict or Authoritative Being strict is one thing, but if there’s
no flexibility on how one should behave, what they should believe in or the rules of the
household there’s bound to be some problems.
For example if a family doesn’t believe in same sex marriage and a child identify’s
as homosexual that would cause a major rift in the family or for the family to lose contact
all together.
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Now that you know some of the most common types of toxic family dynamics here are some
of the symptoms that arise from growing up in such a household.
1 Alcohol or Drug Abuse Genetics coupled with environmental factors
do play a role in this and addiction is a huge problem in the US.
In 2004 it was concluded that just over 76 million people struggle with alcohol use and
that 185 million people over the age of 15 worldwide take some form of hard drug.
Experts believe that addiction can be inherited from a parent and one study showed that a
person is much more likely to partake in drugs and alcohol if it’s present while they grow
up.
The study goes on to say that basically if you grow up with a parent who struggles with
addiction, you’re not only more likely to have the same drive in your genes but you’re
also more likely to be exposed to these triggers more often which encourages a pattern of substance
abuse well into adulthood.
2 You are Really Hard On Yourself This is a big one that is often seen in people
who come from a dysfunctional family environment.
Especially if you were told you are not good enough or your feelings are not valid as a
kid.
It seems no matter how well you progress or what you achieve in this life, you’ll always
find a way to discredit yourself or to focus on that person who is better than you.
One way or another you’ll find yourself at fault in even the best of situations.
3 Trust Issues When parents exert control over every aspect
of their child’s life it’s bound to create some issues later on.
This can often result in trust issues in your relationships and in yourself which results
in self doubt.
This self doubt can leech its way into many aspects of a person's adult life.
They may find it hard to simply believe others but it can also cause someone to not trust
their own actions and judgements.
This can cause issues in everyday life like with school, with work or even with the way
someone views themselves, their identity.
4 Poor Communication Skills This one probably comes as no surprise.
If you never learned how to communicate properly as a kid how are you supposed to know how
to do it as an adult?!
Try not to be too hard on yourself if this sounds like you, it’s perfectly normal and
you can learn how to communicate better with the help of those around you or therapy.
This is a difficult one to overcome but it’s not impossible.
5 Oversensitivity If you’ve walked on eggshells all your life
you’re naturally attuned to being sensitive.
These are habits and patterns that you needed as a child and they can be hard to shake as
an adult.
Since negative words and bad situations will justify that little voice in your head.
The key here is to not listen to it and try to find ways of building yourself up so these
lows don’t affect you as much.
6 You Resist Change This can be present when you actively try
and change your outlook or you start to try and fix some of the issues you struggle with
because of a toxic upbringing.
If your family is still trying to control you they will feel threatened by any positive
changes you make to your life and will say things like “you’ve changed”.
When this happens it’s important for you to believe in yourself and trust your own
instincts even if you’ve been told not to up until this point.
This is one of the first steps in taking your life back and starting the road to recovery
with your folks.
Before we get to the best part here’s another video we think you’ll like, check out When
To Cut Toxic Family Members From Your Life.
Glad you’re still here because now we’re gonna talk about how you can make positive
changes in your life and ways you and your family can begin to heal.
1 Ditch Feeling Like A Victim It’s true you were robbed of a wholesome
upbringing and you’ll never get that back.
That might be a hard pill to swallow but the sooner you do it faster you can move forward
with your life and let the healing begin.
Hopefully you’ve managed to become a well adjusted adult anyway and remember there’s
no shame in seeking help if you’re not there yet.
Therapy is a great tool and can really help those who use it.
But if you insist on being the victim you will never let go of those hurtful memories
and you’ll become a pessimist when it comes to your family.
You can change the narrative, instead of thinking about how much you were hurt, think about
how much you survived and how it made you into the strong person you are today.
2 You Are Not Your Childhood If you blame all of your bad behaviours on
your childhood you’ll never grow out of them.
As we get older we gain more perspective, and carrying around all that negative energy
will only cause more harm and pain to you and your family.
If you can, let it go and acknowledge you went through a hard time.
If you accept that YOU are in control of how you present yourself - not your past - you’ll
gain a whole new life that you have complete autonomy over.
That can be extremely empowering and healing.
3 If Forgiveness Is Possible, Forgive.
This will likely be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, but it doesn't have to come
last.
If you’re waiting for an apology you may never get one.
It’s up to you to find a place where you’re able to forgive.
And if you can’t that’s okay too.
You need to be gentle with yourself and have a discussion with your family about how to
move forward in a way that works for everyone.
Sometimes therapy will be a necessary step and if you need professional help then you
should seek it out.
In the end you are the one who is responsible for your own happiness and letting go of the
pain and finding forgiveness can be a turning point in your life and relationship with your
family.
Did you come from a dysfunctional family?
Do you have a relationship with them now?
Let us know in the comments below, we’d love to hear from you.