It's time to switch things up a little bit; as the main mission of this channel is to
empower fellow students, help you become a more well-rounded and ultimately better version
of yourself, I'm working on expanding the breadth of Med School Insiders content.
I will still be making regular videos on study and productivity hacks but will also incorporate
occasional book summaries such as this one.
As you are all aware by now, I'm a huge fan of reading and the lessons you can learn.
I know that not everyone is able to get through as many books as they would like, myself included,
so In this video, I’m going talk about one of my favorite books from 2016 and a few lessons
that I learned from it.
What's going on guys!
This is Jay from MedSchoolInsiders.com.
In this video, we're gonna go over Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck While
I would classify this as a self help book, Mark Manson is a very atypical self help author.
He acknowledges the toxic aspects of the self help craze; how constantly seeking improvement
in your life can actually focus on what you lack and what is wrong with you, which ultimately
leads to an unhappy and unfulfilling existence where happiness is always just out of reach.
Although the title seems to imply you should not care about anything, the underlying message
of the book is actually this: Everyone cares about certain things – choose wisely what
those things are.
First, EMBRACE THE UNCOMFORTABLE He explains it best when he says; The desire for more
positive experience is itself a negative experience.
And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.
The more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing
something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place.
On the other hand, pursuing the negative often generates positive.
For example, the pain in the gym improves your health and energy.
Failures in school or work give you a better understanding of your own shortcomings and
how to improve in the future.
Being open with your insecurities makes you more confident.
Overcoming challenges and fears is what allows you to build courage and character.
“Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience.”
If you constantly run from the uncomfortable, you will feel constantly entitled to being
happy at all times, therefore any challenge coming your way is seen as an injustice, any
disagreement becomes a betrayal.
We must all be comfortable with the idea that some suffering is always inevitable.
No matter what you do, you will face challenges, failures, loss, regrets, and ultimately death.
THE PROBLEM WITH HAPPINESS Many of us are guilty of delayed gratification, particularly
those of us pursuing the medical profession.
We say when I finish training I can be happy, or when I’m an attending I’ll know I’ve
made it.
Or we can have superficial aspirations.
If I can look like person X or be with person Y, then I will be happy.
This entire approach is the problem, however.
Happiness is not an ultimate end goal or solvable equation.
Instead, it is an emotion, and emotions have evolved to be directions to our life compass.
Positive emotions are positive feedback for good behaviors, and negative emotions serve
as a call to action – It's evolution telling you that something is not right.
The struggles that you overcome are equally important to creating and sustaining happiness.
Manson argues that problems never stop; they merely get exchanged and/or upgraded.
Happiness comes from solving these problems.
In fact, it’s a huge problem that many of us, at least in American culture, that we
should suppress our negative emotions for social and cultural reasons.
But to deny one’s negative emotions is to deny many feedback mechanisms that help a
person solve their own problems.
I love Mark Manson’s breakdown of life goals.
It’s a common question to ask someone “what do you want out of life?”
And everyone is going to have a fairly similar answer.
Happiness, family, great job, etc.
But instead ask yourself “what pain do I want in my life?
What am I willing to struggle for?”
This is the question that will give you better insight on how to live your life.
What pain are you willing to sustain?
For example, many premeds early in their college career dream of the many advantages of being
a physician.
But not everyone is willing to put in the long days and nights studying, the 4 additional
years of medical school, the 80+ hour work weeks in residency, etc.
That’s a big reason why majority of premeds on the first day of college are no longer
premed at graduation time.
Asking yourself what are you willing to struggle for will lead you down a path that is more
worthwhile for you.
Manson also applies this logic to relationships: “Most people want to have great sex life
and an awesome relationship, but not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations,
the awkward silences, the hurt feelings, and the emotional psychodrama to get there.
And so instead they settle.”
People want a romantic partner, but you don’t find someone you believe is amazing without
first appreciating the emotional rollercoaster that is dating, rejections, and failed attempts.
People want an amazing body, but you only get there if you are able to endure and appreciate
the pain and challenges associated with regular exercise and meticulous tracking of your caloric
intake.
You’re defined by what you’re willing to struggle for.
Those who enjoy the struggles of the gym are the same people who are strong and athletic.
Going back to the toxic nature of the self help culture, the truth is that we are not
all exceptional.
Feeling good about yourself for no reason will actually do more harm than good.
Facing challenges and obstacles head on is a useful and necessary component in development.
You guys know how much I appreciate a good challenge from the My Story video.
If challenges and suffering are inevitable, we shouldn’t ask ourselves “how do I stop
suffering?”
Rather, “why am I suffering – for what purpose?”
The beautiful thing is that while problems can often not be changed, we have complete
control over how we choose to think about them.
Problems add meaning and importance to our lives.
So embrace them.
Beasting the MCAT and getting into medical school makes us happier than watching Netflix.
Raising a child makes us happier than eating McDonalds.
Each of these activities is stressful and at times unpleasant.
They also require enduring through problem after problem, yet they add value, meaning,
and can create joyous moments in our lives.
As Freud said, “One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the
most beautiful” We can only be successful at something we’re willing to fail at.
If you are unwilling to fail, then you’re unwilling to succeed.
If someone is better than you at something, it’s likely because she has failed at it
more than you have.
If someone is worse than you, they likely haven’t been through all the learning experiences
yet.
BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF.
While some may argue that you measure self-esteem by how positively you feel about yourself,
Manson argues that the more accurate way is to see how someone feels about the negative
aspects of themselves.
Someone who actually has high self esteem can honestly assess their negative qualities
and subsequently act to address them.
Entitled people, on the other hand, are unable to be honest with their problems and therefore
are unable to improve their lives in a lasting and meaningful way.
They live in denial.
This entitlement usually manifests in one of two ways: 1) I’m great and you all suck,
therefore I deserve special treatment.
Or 2) I suck and the rest of you are all incredible, therefore I deserve special treatment.
The former is referring to those who are extremely arrogant and consider themselves superior,
and the latter is referring to those who constantly pay the victim card.
CHOOSE YOUR VALUES CAREFULLY Our values are what determine the metrics by which we measure
ourselves and everyone else.
Resist human nature in wanting to compare yourself to others.
Instead, figure out by what standard do you measure yourself by?
The best way to reframe how you see your problems is to change what you value and how you measure
failure and success.
Here are some examples of good and bad values.
–Good values: honesty, innovation, vulnerability, self-respect, curiosity, charity, humility,
creativity –Bad values on the other hand would include things like dominance through
manipulation, feeling good all the time, always being the center of attention, not being alone,
being liked by everybody, being a gunner (for those of you who don’t know, gunner is a
term used in medical school to describe someone who is overly competitive and brigs others
down in order to get ahead) Figuring out your values comes down to priorities.
What are the values that you prioritize above everything else and therefore influence your
decision making more than anything else?
Better values lead to better problems which leads to a better life.
Alright guys, that is it for part one, head over to part 2 for the rest of this video.