-Everybody, welcome to the show. Thank you for watching.
I'm Jimmy Fallon.
They are the Roots right there.
Thank you for tuning in.
It's been a pretty crazy day with the storm
hitting the East Coast.
Extreme winds and thousands of power outages,
so everyone out there, stay safe.
And we're thinking about you guys.
Alright. Let's get to some news and jokes.
Well, guys, everybody is talking about this.
Last night HBO aired
Jonathan Swan's interview with President Trump,
and let's just say it was so bad
it made his coronavirus briefings look good.
The interview was such a disaster, at one point FEMA
showed up and wrapped Trump in a foil blanket.
[ Laughter ]
You could tell things weren't going well
because midway through Trump asked
if he could talk to Chris Wallace instead.
-Incidentally, I took the test, too,
when I heard that you passed it.
-Yeah, how did you do? -It's not the hardest test.
-No. -The picture --
-The last -- -It's an elephant.
-"Well, elephant, doesn't really look like an elephant."
If you don't know Jonathan Swan,
he's an Australian reporter, which is fun
because we got to see a Trump interview
go down the drain in the opposite direction.
[ Laughter ]
Trump did so poorly, the only HBO interview
he'll do now is Elmo's late-night talk show.
[ Laughter ]
That's right. The interview was on HBO,
which is why beforehand they showed this graphic.
Adult content, child language, brief stupidity.
[ Laughter ]
The interview started off with Swan asking Trump
about his response to the coronavirus.
Let's see how that went.
-When they hear you say everything's under control,
don't worry about wearing masks,
it's giving them a false sense of security.
-Right now, I think it's under control.
-How?
A thousand Americans are dying a day.
-They're dying, that's true.
It is what it is.
-"It is what it is"?
You're the President of the United States.
You're not Paulie Walnuts delivering bad news
to Tony Soprano.
"Sorry, T, things got a little messy.
It is what it is, capisce?"
[ Laughter ]
At funerals while everyone says, "my condolences,"
Trump's like, "It is what it is."
[ Laughter ]
"Where are the refreshments?"
That reminds me of the moment after the attack
on Pearl Harbor when FDR said, "Eh, what are you going to do?"
[ Laughter ]
Yep, move over, MAGA. We got a new hat on the market.
There it is. "It is what it is."
From there things escalated when Swan directly confronted
Trump on the country's COVID statistics
and Trump responded by pulling out a bunch of charts.
Watch this.
-United States is lowest in numerous categories.
We're lower than the world.
-Lower than the world? -We're lower than --
-In what? In what?
-Take a look.
Right here.
Look. Here is the United States.
You have to go by the cases.
You take the number of cases.
Look, we're last.
Meaning we're first. Take a look.
Again, it's cases.
-Trump looks like every dad looking at IKEA instructions.
This one -- hold on, this was the -- wait.
You put the flugendorf in the flugen.
No. I'm holding the flugen. How can I put it in the --
Eventually Trump just tossed 500 pages into the air,
and when they landed, he was gone.
[ Laughter ]
Can we see one of Trump's charts again?
Swan was like, "Sir, that's just the alignment page
from your printer." [ Laughter ]
Okay. So his response to the coronavirus questions
wasn't Trump's finest moment.
Let's see if he can bounce back.
Here's Swan asking about civil rights icon John Lewis.
-How do you think history will remember John Lewis?
-I don't know. I really don't know.
I don't know. I don't know John Lewis.
He chose not to come to my inauguration.
-He can hold a grudge, huh?
You know Trump's probably keeping stimulus checks
from all the kids who didn't show up
to his 5th birthday party.
Trump's upset John Lewis didn't come to his inauguration.
He was like, "I hope he'd be there.
I even held 2 million seats open for him."
[ Laughter ]
If all that wasn't bad enough, for the second time
in two weeks, Trump was asked for his thoughts
on Jeffrey Epstein's former associate,
Ghislaine Maxwell, and once again he said this.
-She's now in jail. -Uh-huh.
-Yeah, I wish her well. I'd wish you well.
I'd wish a lot of people well.
Good luck.
Let them prove somebody was guilty.
Her boyfriend died in jail,
and people are trying to figure out how did it happen?
Was it suicide? Was he killed?
And I do wish her well.
I'm not looking for anything bad for her.
-Man, for a guy who owned a bunch of casinos,
you think he'd know when to stop doubling down.
Stop wishing her well.
She's an accused sex trafficker,
not a kid going off to college for the first time.
He's so nice to Ghislaine Maxwell,
which can only mean she went to his inauguration.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, a lot of people are calling
Trump's interview a train wreck.
And get this. Apparently HBO had to delete some of
the best moments for time.
But we managed to get our hands on the footage.
Check this out.
♪♪
-How do you think history will remember John Lewis?
-John Lewis, look, he didn't come to my inauguration.
So I'm not a fan.
The Dalai Lama didn't come either.
Neither did Mother Teresa.
She's very mean. Very nasty to me.
She was.
I don't anything about John Lewis.
For me, it goes, person, woman, man, camera, TV,
and then way down the list maybe John Lewis.
We'll see.
-The criticism of you that is most prominent
is about the communication.
It's the public health experts saying that it needs
to be based in reality.
-Look, it is based on reality.
What people don't realize is America might have
a lot of Americans with COVID,
but we have very few British people with COVID.
Unlike, by the way, British land.
No one talks about that.
You won't report that.
Well, no, look, look at these -- look at these --
look at these charts here.
Very impressive.
Four colors.
I walked right into Kinko's, I saw this chart on the wall,
I said, boom, that's the chart,
then the Kinko's guy started with all this,
"Sir, that's just a sample chart to demonstrate our printing,"
so there may be some problems with Kinko's,
but we're looking into Staples.
We're looking into Office Max.
A lot of people are calling them Stinko's, by the way.
People are dying. That's right.
It is, as they say, what it is.
I love that saying. It is what it is.
Or as they say in French -- people say, hakuna matata.
America, excuse me --
America is far lower than the world.
-Lower than the world? -That's right.
When other countries look at us, they think, America,
lower than the world.
You know, we have some of the best doctors around.
Great doctors.
Some even women doctors.
I call them nurses.
-The other day a reporter asked you about Ghislaine Maxwell.
You said, "I just wish her well, frankly."
-I do. I do wish her well.
I wish a lot of people well.
I actually sent her something at, you know, the jail.
It was a bear, or as we call it, a Build-A-Bear,
and when you squeeze its hand, it says,
"Shh, snitches get stitches."
Excuse me. Excuse me.
What even is Axios?
When I said I'd do this, I thought I was going
to be interviewed by a cologne bottle I saw at Neiman Marcus.
Axios by Jimmy Choo.
Sometimes I could put my -- I'll put my hands out like this.
Sometimes I give you two palms.
Sometimes I go in, out, in, out, in, out.
-Sir, the the question was how will you ensure hospitals
don't reach capacity?
-Well, no, look at these.
These are the latest numbers, Jonathan.
Maybe you have more up-to-date numbers.
You're Australian.
I know Australia is, what, one day ahead
or is it two days ahead?
I haven't been to Europe in a long time.
Who are you with again?
Axios Hollywood?
Why didn't they send Mario Lopez?
I love Mario Lopez.
Everyone loves Mario Lopez.
-Interesting interview.
Yeah, it was a rough night for Trump.
Unfortunately, things didn't get much better for him today.
During a bill signing, he was talking about national parks,
and he had a little trouble reading the word Yosemite.
Watch this.
-We want every American child
to have access to pristine outdoor spaces.
When they gaze upon Yo-semite's towering sequoias.
[ Laughter ]
-"America's full of beauty, from Yo-semite's..."
[ Laughter ]
"...National Park to the mighty Miss-peepee River.
[ Laughter ]
"To the Appalachian Mountains to New York's Viagra Falls."
[ Laughter ]
Alright. Let's get to some other news.
Listen to this. I saw that Kraft is replacing the word dinner
with breakfast on its iconic blue macaroni and cheese box.
Look at this.
Yeah. For breakfast. Yeah.
I'm excited about it because now I can finally stop
melting Kraft singles on my Cheerios.
[ Laughter ]
Meanwhile, Velveeta is like,
"Who knew we'd be the classy brand?"
Mac and cheese for breakfast.
In a related story, the C.E.O. of Kraft
must be going through a divorce.
And finally, this isn't good. At a museum in Italy,
a tourist snapped three toes off a 19th century statue
while posing for a photo.
Here's the moment where it happened.
Check it out. Oh, yeah.
When the security guard saw three toes on the floor,
he was like, "Okay, which three statues
are missing their penises?"
[ Laughter ]
Afterwards the tourist was like, "It is what it is."