You must be asking yourself
why is interpersonal communication even important?
A person's financial success, even in technical fields,
depends mainly on his "people skills" - his relationships with others.
One of the things people are most concerned with,
after physical health, is the subject of interpersonal relationships
- which depend on good communication.
In order to improve your communication skills,
the most important thing is to practice communicating,
at every opportunity. Just knowing the rules is not enough.
The book describes many principles related to the creation of relationships
and how to influence others more easily.
Let's go over some of those principles, using examples to illustrate.
Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
I used to play basketball.
One of the other players on the team complained that I was doing something wrong.
My immediate reaction was to tell that person that I had no idea what he was talking about,
get angry, and accuse him of disturbing my playing.
The reason I reacted this way was that his criticism made me feel defensive.
Not only did I get angry with the other player, I didn’t improve my own playing.
The fact that he complained did nothing at all to help
- even if he was right, and I really was doing something wrong.
The lesson: when you criticize someone, he’ll try to defend himself
- he won’t listen to what you’re saying, or change.
Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Not long ago I switched to a new bank, and the teller asked:
"Please write down the name and number of a friend, so that he can switch to our bank too"
I didn’t list any friends - I couldn’t understand what was in it for me, or for my friend.
A good example of something that would have made me willing to comply is,
"Do you know anyone who would want to join the cost-saving program you just signed up for?"
In this case, I would have benefited by helping a friend,
and my friend would have benefited from signing up for good rates from the bank.
Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
When I first heard that jailing criminals doesn’t actually lead to a drop in crime,
I was skeptical.
It was clear to me that the person telling me this wasn’t really in touch with reality…
but instead of dismissing him outright,
I listened to his explanation - and in the end,
I understood why he thought that way.
He explained that jails don’t solve the problems that lead to crime
- and that the criminal atmosphere in the jails actually helps criminals get better at what they do!
Listening to his explanation, I changed my point of view.
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Say a customer enters a shop and buys a pair of pants on sale.
When he gets home, he finds out that the pocket is torn.
The customer goes back to the shop and explains to the seller that the pants are damaged.
The seller claims that all sales are final.
The customer answers that the pants are damaged and that he just wants to exchange them, not return them.
The seller refuses to exchange the pants - creating a negative image for his shop.
What good is a big marketing budget if the seller refuses to solve a simple problem for his customer - just by listening?
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Not long ago I was at a social event, and met a really nice person.
Instead of talking about my new youtube channel, I asked him what he does for a living.
It turns out he's a contractor.
I asked him questions about his business,
and during the conversation I learned interesting things about the contracting world and about him.
He asked me what I do, and I told him about my youtube channel.
Meaning, because I was interested in what he does, he was interested in what I do.
Not only that, but we've kept in touch
- I've gained a friend, and a subscriber to my channel.
Let other people feel that the idea is theirs.
For the next example,
it's important to know that food rich in carbohydrates or sugar causes an increase in blood sugar levels.
This is a problem, for people with diabetes, because they have trouble regulating their blood sugar.
Eating chips, for example, causes a blood sugar spike in diabetes patients.
Sometimes, because of her diabetes, my grandmother asks me what I think she should eat.
Instead of telling her what not to eat, I ask her:
Grandma: What do you think I should eat?
Me: What do you think would be good for you?
Grandma: I really like chips!
Me: What will that do to your blood sugar?
Does it matter if it makes your blood sugar go up?
Grandma: Yes, it's important for my blood sugar to be balanced.
Me: What will keep your blood sugar balanced? Is an omelet a good idea?
Grandma:Yes, an omelet is good.
In the end, my grandmother chooses the better option for her.
If I had told her that she has to have an omelet, the chances she'd agree aren’t very high.
Dramatize your ideas.
During a class, the teacher tries to convince her students not to eat too much sugar.
However, convincing kids not to eat sugar isn’t easy
- especially when we as adults find it hard to change our habits.
The teacher asked her students what they like to drink the most,
and measured the amount of sugar in each type of drink.
She hung a bag of sugar on the board under the drink itself, showing just how much sugar was in it.
That way, each student realized how much sugar he was eating, and how unhealthy it was for their body.
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Not long ago I was supposed to go to a party at a friend's house.
However, my friend forgot about it - and the event was cancelled.
Instead of blaming someone else for not reminding him, my friend took responsibility for the fact that he forgot.
As a result, everyone told him not to feel bad - mistakes happen.
If he had blamed someone else,
then that person might have accused him of being responsible, creating a vicious cycle. .
The conclusion? Admitting a mistake results in forgiveness,
but blaming someone else, or avoiding responsibility, causes more blaming.
Smile.
Smiles are infectious. Just like when a baby's smile makes everyone around them smile too.
Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
When I meet new people, I tell them my name.
In that way, I indirectly ask them for their name.
Why do I do it this way?
Because it's easier to have a conversation with someone when I know their name,
and this is a subtle way of finding out what it is.
I feel strange having a whole conversation with someone when I don’t know what their name is.
Therefore, I prefer to start the conversation by knowing who I'm talking to.
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
A few days ago, I was at the bank.
The receptionist remembered me, even though he hadn’t seen me in over six months.
It made me wonder how he remembered me, when he sees so many people go in and out each day
- so I asked him.
He told me he has an amazing memory. I was happy to hear that, and to give him some positive feedback.
It's always nice to make someone feel good.
I hope that this summary of the ideas in the book has given you at least one idea that you can apply,
starting from right now.
Subscribe for updates from the media channel if you would like to continue receiving inspiration to improve your life.