Hey Jillian, I got you this Christmas present now, I feel bad. Here's what I got you
50 worst gift ideas
Addie I got you something that you're really gonna like. Oh great. Let's see it. It's really gonna improve your appearance
All right. Let's see it. All right, here it is a
Mask, you got me a mask
Here put it on you'll see
Yeah, this is doing wonders for my self-esteem
That's the spirit Merry Christmas
Here Addie for Christmas I'm giving you these dumbbells you think I'm a dumbbell you think I'm fat you think I need exercise
I hey you so much
Jillian I know how much you like kitties. So that's why I'm giving you one for Christmas. Oh
My gosh my own kitty really seriously. Where is it?
He's right here. It's Paco but
We already own Paco. So you're saying you don't like Paco? No. No, that's not I I just
Hey, Addie, you know you've been wanting a nice picture for your room
Yeah, I have well, look no more Merry Christmas. Oh
It's it's lovely
Isn't it just think these clowns will be keeping you company all the time even at night when it's dark
Jillian I know how much you like to read. So for Christmas I got you a book
Ten things I want my son to know. This is just wrong on so many different levels. This is the worst Christmas gift ever
What oh my son I thought it said ten things I want Mike Tyson to know
Addie Merry Christmas
Hey, this looks like the same packaging I put your gift in last year
Hey, this looks like this a bow. I got you last year. Wait a minute. This is the same bow
I got you last year. Ah
Re-gift
Hey Jillian, you know that adorable pink kigurumi you wanted last year. Oh my gosh. Did you get one for me?
Let me see. Let me see. That's right. Tada
That's a baby onesie and I don't think it'll fit really I think I could slip into it
Adi you know, how you like American Eskimo Dogs and you need a calendar. Oh my gosh
Did you get me the American Eskimo 2020 calendar?
Yes, I did
Hey, that's last year's calendar
reduce reuse recycle
Jillian you know how you want it to see the Dora movie No
Too late. I got you the Dora movie
that's not the Dora movie that's Dora the Explorer on a
VHS cassette and we don't even have a VCR. You're welcome
Addie I got you a ticket to see a movie. Oh cool. Hey, that's for Dr. Sleep. That's rated R
I can't see that that's okay. This tickets been used already anyway
It's the thought that counts
Merry Christmas Jillian
Addie this is a receipt
Which has value if you return the item and they give you cash in exchange
This is a receipt for a breakfast at a diner
And it says here that you didn't tip. Well, you better go take care of that then
Addie remember how disappointed you were last year when your gift came without batteries? No, I don't. Here's the battery
I was supposed to give you last year. I probably should have gotten new one a dead battery. Great
Merry Christmas, Jillian, here you go
Car keys you got me a car. I know you got me a car. No, I just got you car keys
How do you know how you thought I forgot your Christmas gift again this year
Yeah, it seemed like it when I give you your gift you said. Oh drat, it's Christmas already
Addie I want you to know I've worked on this all year and now it's yours a
jar full of pennies
Correction a drinking glass one quarter full of pennies Oh
pennies my least favorite coin
One of them is the magic penny
You forgot again, didn't you just take the pennies kid?
Jillian this year. I'm giving you the gift of beauty
zit cream
What are you trying to say? I don't have zits you have zit. Ah
Geez you try to help
Merry Christmas, Addie. Here you go
Cleaning supplies. What are you trying to tell me you're gonna need those after what I did in your room
What exactly did you do in my room?
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas Jillian a
Shovel, you got me a shovel. Why would you get me a shovel?
You're gonna need it after you see what I did in your room
Hey, yeah, do you know how you're a wacky nutty kooky kind of kid, huh? Huh? Yeah, I guess so
Well, I got you a wacky kooky nutty kind of shirt. Look at this. It's a hot dog wearing sunglasses
Skateboarding
Sure is wacky can't wait to wear that in front of all the other kids
Merry Christmas Jillian. Wait, are those my shoes? No, it's just one of every one of your shoes. Why?
You know how you're always losing one of your shoes. Next time that happens. You will already have it. That makes no sense at all
So you don't like it. I feel shame. I
Got you a present
Merry Christmas. Addie a bread crust. No, it's a bird feeder a bird feeder
Yeah, you stick it on a branch in birds will come from miles around to eat it. Oh
That's terrible
Jillian you know how some people give precious metals and jewels
Yeah. Yeah, I like where this is going. Why did you get me? I got you the rarest of them all
crystallized dihydrogen monoxide
Addie that's a baggie full of ice cubes
You're not very grateful. Well, at least you can put it on your sore foot my foots not sore. Oh
Oh, yeah, here's your ice
Merry Christmas, Addie
Not a pair of your old dirty socks, these aren't socks these are puppets. Hello. My name is Socrates
Cool, my name is Bill
Stop making them talk. It's disturbing. Now kiss each other
Mm-hmm
Jillian I feel kind of bad
I didn't get you a Christmas present, but I did get you this card with some money in it. Oh
That's all right
hey, this is a Father's Day card that I gave to dad and
There's no money in it. Well, then you should have given dad some money for Father's Day then
Addie instead of getting you another useless trinket this year
I thought I'd go ahead and make a donation to a cause that I know means a lot to you
Well, that's thoughtful. What causes it I gave it to the bullies of America. I know how you feel about bullying
Jillian bullies of America promotes bullying
oopsie
And done hey Jillian, I just got your Christmas present. Ooh, did you order me something online?
Even better. I just followed you on Instagram, but I don't have an Instagram account
Yet
Merry Christmas Addie an air freshener
What are you trying to tell me and this is a Halloween one and the air freshener part needs a refill
I'm starting to think you don't like my gift. That's because I don't
Actually, I don't care
Merry Christmas Jillian
Really? This is what you're giving me. It's not even a complete roll. Those are the Elder Scrolls guard them. Well
Why can't I have a normal sister?
Addie you know how you have that bald spot on the back of your head what I don't have a bald spot. Oh
That's right. That's Dad. Well, I don't think this style will work for him. Anyway, so you might as well take it I
Love it
Merry Christmas Jillian Oh a plant how thoughtful this will add a nice little touch of green to the room
Hey wait, this is poison ivy. I got the extra itchy kind
Merry Christmas Jillian a
Scale you think I need to watch my weight. What are you trying to say? Well you did. Give me the dumbbell
So now we're even
Here you go Addie a Starbucks gift card
Well, I don't really drink coffee, but I guess I could start. Hey, this hasn't been activated
You do know you have to pay to activate this right? Oh, oh sure
Well, I didn't want to take the fun out of it for you
Merry Christmas, Addie
You got me a flyswatter
hey flies need to celebrate Christmas - that
Makes no sense, but I'll take it. Anyway, since you haven't clean your room yet a flyswatter is the next best thing
Merry Christmas, Jillian a light bulb. Yeah the next time you need an idea. You just hold it over your head
I think the writers of the skit could have used this light bulb
Jillian for Christmas, I got you a newspaper from the exact day and year that you were born. Oh, that's so interesting
"Amazon blocks FedEx". Hey, wait a minute
This isn't from the year. I was born. This is from yesterday
Well, you're always saying you think I was born yesterday
I've literally never said that
Addie for Christmas, I got you that new perfume. You've always wanted
This isn't perfume. This is Dad's shaving cream. Dad's shaving cream expensive perfume. What's the difference?
Only everything yeah, I'm just gonna leave
Merry Christmas, Jillian, I got you that new phone you've always wanted
Maybe the reason I've always wanted that phone is because that is my phone and it's still connected to the charger
Geez, and I thought I was making things more convenient for you
Jillian this Christmas. I got you those new earbuds. You've always wanted. Oh
Wow, cool. Yeah, I really did want these
In fact, I even ordered them for myself, but then I never got the package. Wait a minute
Did you intercept the package?
What's that face mean
Addie I know how much you like stickers. I do not so for Christmas. I got you this sticker time book. Oh
Thanks. Hey, somebody wrote this book already
And used up all the stickers
Well now, you know the book works
We legit found this book for sale in a store that we will not name
Here you go join I think you'll like what's inside this envelope
money money money money. Hey, this is a life insurance policy
Peace of mind is worth more than any gift. I'm gonna give you a piece of my mind Oh,
Addie Merry Christmas
Thanks. Hey, is this a bag of samples that the dentist just gave you last week?
It's pretty much the same stuff. What do you mean pretty much?
Well, it did use the toothbrush, but it only wants and I cleaned it
Okay, that's gross. Okay. I'm fainting
Merry Christmas, Jillian, you're giving me a fake dog bone
Miska doesn't know it's fake
Wait, so is this bone for me or for Miska? Oh
You can share it
Okay, that's gross. Okay, I'm gonna faint
Here you go Jillian I made you an ashtray an ashtray but I don't smoke
Jillian you're insulting the ashtray can't I just use it for like storing paper clips? No, it's an ashtray
Merry Christmas, Addie. Here you go
Deodorant, are you trying to tell me something?
Trust me you need this stuff
What are you talking about? I don't need to okay, I don't feel so good. I'm gonna pass out
Hey Jillian, I got you a bag of almonds
No, thanks. Hey, these have been opened and you don't really like almonds. Anyway, so you might as well give them back to me
No, I'm going to keep these but if you don't like almonds spite I'm keeping them out of spite
Tis the season to be spiteful
Addie I got you a gift card for your favorite store
Thanks Jillian. Wait a minute Toys R Us
It's your favorite stores in it. It was my favorite store at the time
I bought that they were your favorite store and they were a store
Merry Christmas Jillian
Wait are those dad's golf clubs?
No, these are Jillian's golf clubs now does dad know about this?
Have you seen his golf game? We're doing him a favor here
Merry Christmas, Addie, here you go. Oh, it feels like a book
It is a book
Hey, this is a library book that I checked out last week
Actually that was a month ago, and there's a pretty heavy fine on it
Merry Christmas, Addie, I got you a present
Great. Where is it?
Florida you're taking me to Disney World
No, I got you a timeshare near our swamp
Wait, wait a second. What's that? I believe that is the last time share joke of 2019
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Merry Christmas, goodbye