'Rats, I'd like some rats.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World
'You want me to accept him don't you, but I'm not going to.'
With the budgets he worked on, director Andy Milligan needed great titles to sell his movies
'Is he any good at them?'
Oh yes, The Filthy Five, Depraved, Kiss me! Kiss me! Kiss me!,
and of course The Rats are Coming, the Werewolves are Here!
But...
'You can't judge a parcel from the wrapping'
The werewolves of the title are a dysfunctional family of English aristocrats
'Hello, I'm Monica the little sister. The bitch'
whose youngest daughter has turned up with her new husband who has no idea of the family history
'You have got a strange family there haven't you.'
As a plot - loving this!
'Oh not that didn't sound at all right or proper now did it?'
But here's newly-wed Diana doing a little character establishment
'Let me tell you some things about the family...
'Phoebe is the eldest, she is 39 and has been like a mother to us.'
'Mortimer is next in line and he is 29.'
'Then Monica who is 25 and Malcom is 23.'
'Finally there is me and as you know, I have just become 21.'
It sounds like she's reading their bios, this is not how you introduce characters.
'I don't have to tell you anything'
And yet you chose to tell me everything
'Another word and you'll go to your room'
Obviously the film is cheap, Milligan himself plays 2 roles.
'I beg your pardon'
The costumes veer from Bram Stokers Dracula...
'There is just one thing.'
to Boy George...
'Yoo hoo.'
while this guy is clearly wearing jeans
even the rats of the title are made of rubber.
'What? You're hungry?'
but what kills the film is that the dialogue never stops
'I've already said too much’
Ain't that the truth
'It's telling each other everything that makes a love strong'
Then yours must be rock solid, but no one says anything worth hearing
'If more people got to the point they wouldn't go about cluttering up the day with a lot of nonsense'
The scenes don't advance the story, they mark time
'I'll tell you, some day, when the time is right'
'I'll tell you at the right time.'
'I'll tell poppa when it's the right time to tell him.'
because to be honest, the story only needs a 15 minute movie.
'That is not true'
In fact, the original cut only ran to 72 minutes and Milligan was told to pad it to 90.
'How fascinating'
Which is where the rats come in
'Remarkable creatures rats'
the success of the film Willard, about a rat called Ben, inspired Milligan
'I think I'll call you Ben'
and he shot extra footage in which Monica buys some flesh-eating rats from a crazy old man
'When I fell asleep that night they chewed off all of my left arm, and part of my face before I awoke'
Now that's a heavy sleeper
'I'll just pretend I didn't hear that remark'
So, the rats are coming
'You bloody rat, you bit me'
and now they're going back for a refund
'I've brought them back and I want my money'
Thus ends the 10 minute long rat plot, affecting no one and changing nothing
'There's a chance he's right'
But what of the werewolves?
'I'll tell you at the right time'
We have by now been talking around the subject for well over an hour
'Do you really care?'
Well, no but it would be nice if at least half the title paid off
'Oh come on you can't leave me up in the air like that'
Finally, 80 minutes in...
A werewolf is actually here!
and another
this all happens within 2 minutes
really should have spread this throughout the movie
I understand why they attacked the husband - the outsider - but do they just kill each other every full moon?
'What Io don't understand is how you stopped them killing each other before now.'
'Whenever it was a full moon poppa used to give them all sedatives and lock them in their rooms'
Hang on, they've been going on about the approaching full moon throughout the film
'Tomorrow night is the full moon'
'Tomorrow night is the full moon.'
and not one of them thought to say 'aren't we usually sedated for this?'
'It's all our fault'
works out badly for them, but well for the central couple
'It's going to be nice to have the house all to ourselves'
Ah, a happy ending
'I can change myself at will.'
Not that guy's day
'I never thought you'd never get over the shock of your finding the whole of your family and your husband murdered.'
In conclusion, good though the title is, I think perhaps they should have gone with
'The Rats are coming, briefly, The werewolves are here, eventually
'I don't think we're too interested in your paranoid rantings'
I'm just saying, that would be more accurate
'Get out of here.'
the rats are coming subscribe quick.
the rats serve no Purpose at all, let Us know
What other Movies There are With whole Plot lines That Can be lifted out Without Really Changing Anything Thanks for Watching
I hate Scotland?