When a woman comes to me asking, "Hey, is busy-ness a turnoff to men?"
I tell her the truth. Maybe.
There's four categories that I use and ask a woman who comes to me about to
tell whether she could be turning men off with her busyness or whether her busyness could actually be
very attractive to a guy. The first one is balance. Balance is your ability to devote
time to other things. It's your ability to literally balance your time between your work
versus your hobbies, your interests, your friends, your exercise, all these sorts of things.
It's important as a busy woman, you still maintain balance. In fact, it's important
for anyone to maintain balance. So you might be busy, you might work really long hours;
however, if you're still able to make time for friends, for hobbies, for dating and relationships,
particularly if the right guy was to come along, then your balance is great.
However, if you are busy to the extent where you can't fit in anything else, where your
exercise is suffering, where you're not seeing your friends, where even if I was to bring
the right guy to you, you couldn't actually make time for him. Then your busyness could
well be a turn off to a guy. Now, it's important too you check for excuses with this one, and
I'll always ask my clients when they tell me they're too busy to date or too busy to
multi-date, I'll say, "Well, are you spending time watching TV? Are you spending time scrolling
social media? Are you spending time sitting on the couch?" It's amazing how when we have
the motivation, we often find the time. So check for excuses with your busyness and have
a look how you are balancing that busyness in your life.
Number two is vulnerability. So one thing that busy women struggle with is that a lot
of them are in classically masculine roles throughout the day. If you're busy, you might
be calling the shots throughout the day. You might be telling people how it is, kicking
butt, basically, putting your stamp on life. And often, particularly in the corporate world,
the banking world, even in the medical world, this requires you to have your walls up, and
it means you can't show your vulnerable side at work. If you take that home to your dating,
then men are going to do the same in response. They're going to put their walls up. Some
busy women struggle with an inability to be vulnerable and if that's the case, your busyness
could be a turn off to a guy.
The third one, and this is a big one, is stress levels. Now, there's two reasons your stress
levels as a busy woman can be a turn off to a guy. Number one, stress and worry are both
future-based. You don't stress and worry about public speaking. When you're actually public
speaking, you're just handling it as you go. All the stress and the worry about public
speaking is before you go and do it. Now, the feminine, when it's at its most confident
is a present energy. It's vibrant, it's confident, it's there, it's relaxed. This is the energy
that's going to be most attractive and most polarizing to men. Thus, when you're in a
state of worry or stress, you're thinking forward, you won't have the same vibrations,
you won't have the same confidence and thus you'll dull your feminine light. Men, therefore,
when you're under stress, are not going to feel as attracted to you. The second reason
is that stress is contagious. I found this out as a veterinarian on many occasions because
we would have dogs, we could calm down and we could relax them in the clinic and then
we would have dogs that were just so stressed in their cages. They just wouldn't calm down.
No matter what we did and the stress from the dog would spread to the vets. It would
spread to the vet nurses, it would spread around the clinic and it's not a nice feeling.
Same applies to humans. If you're stressed all the time, that's going to be contagious
to the man you meet and date and thus your busyness causing stress could very well
be a turn off to a guy.
Number four is intent. Ask yourself why you are busy. Are you busy because you genuinely
have filled your time with things that you love and you love your life right the way
it is or are you always busy because you're trying to prove yourself to someone? Are you
busy because when things are quiet, your mind overacts and you don't want to deal with that?
Are you busy because you don't want the vulnerability that comes with making time for dating and
relationships? Ask yourself why are you busy and if you're busy for the right reasons,
then it will NOT be a turn off to a guy. Now, before I finish one more thing, can men be
turned off by even the good kind of busy woman? Of course they can! There's insecure men everywhere
who might be turned off by you being busy even if you're doing everything right, but
that's not the kind of man you want to attract. And you're okay. Your busyness will filter
those guys out just fine. So don't worry about them. Just worry about your balance, your
vulnerability, your stress levels, and your intent. And as long as you get these things
right, the right guy will NOT be turned off by you as a busy woman.
Well, that's the video. Thank you so much for watching! Let me know your thoughts, comments,
questions. Do you agree? Disagree? Space below. You know what to do. Hit the big red subscribe
button with the little bell and the thumbs up, and of course get the book. The first
chapter of my book is now available from the link in the description below. Thank you again
for watching and I'll see you in the next video very soon.
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