>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT!
H.R. MCMASTER AND LAURENCE FISHBURNE, ONE OF THOSE GUYS WAS
IN THE MATRIX.
FIRST THING I'M ASKING HMM R.
McMASTER, WHICH ONE WAS IT.
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
YOU BE ME.
THAT'S MY WIFE.
YOU KNOW, LIFE CAN BE HARD, BUT I LIKE TO THINK I CAN TAKE A LOT
OF PUNISHMENT. " IS THAT ALL YOU GOT, OLD MAN?
STUFF LIKE THAT.
BUT DAMN.
DAMN.
2020 IS A RELENTLESS OPPONENT.
JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT'S FINISHED PUNCHING YOU IN THE
FACE, IT STARTS WORKIN' THE MIDRIFF AND THEN KNEEING THE
GROIN.
BETWEEN NOW AND THE ELECTION WAS ALREADY GOING TO BE A DARK AND
DIRTY ROAD.
BUT ON FRIDAY, IT GOT WORSE.
BECAUSE OUR COUNTRY SAID GOODBYE TO A HERO.
SUPREME COURT JUSTICE RUTH BADER GINSBURG, WHO PASSED AWAY AT THE
AGE OF 87.
THE WAVE OF GRIEF AT HER LOSS WAS IMMEDIATE.
THOUSANDS CAME TO THE STEPS OF THE SUPREME COURT TO HOLD A
VIGIL IN HER HONOR, A NEW MURAL IN D.C. PAID HER TRIBUTE, AND IF
YOU'RE LIKE ME, YOU GOT TEXTS FROM EVERYONE YOU KNOW, WITH AN
EVEN MIX OF SADNESS AND SWEARING.
JUSTICE GINSBURG LED A PIONEERING LIFE.
SHE WAS A JUDGE, AN ATTORNEY, BUT ABOVE ALL, SHE WAS A
TIRELESS ADVOCATE NOT ONLY FOR WOMEN'S RIGHTS, BUT FOR EQUALITY
FOR ALL AMERICANS.
I KNOW EXACTLY HOW TIRELESS SHE WAS, BECAUSE TWO YEARS AGO, I
GOT TO WORK OUT WITH HER.
THAT DAY, SHE CAST THE DECIDING VOTE IN THE LANDMARK CASE OF "85
YEAR OLD FITNESS V. MY SELF-ESTEEM."
GINSBURG WAS KNOWN FOR HER TENACITY.
SHE WAS JUST THE SECOND WOMAN APPOINTED TO THE SUPREME COURT
AND WHEN IT CAME TO CARVING OUT HER PLACE IN THE BOYS' CLUB,
SHE SAID THAT SHE TOOK HER MOTHER'S ADVICE:
>> BE A LADY AND BE INDEPENDENT.
'BE A LADY' MEANT DON'T GIVE WAY TO EMOTIONS THAT SAP YOUR
ENERGY, LIKE ANGER.
TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND SPEAK CALMLY.
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S GOOD ADVICE FOR "ANY" SUPREME COURT JUSTICE.
HEY, BOOF-DOUCHE, BE A LADY.
GINSBURG WAS APPOINTED TO THE SUPREME COURT IN 1993, AND
DURING HER NEARLY 30 YEAR TENURE, SHE AUTHORED SOME OF THE
COURT'S MOST CONSEQUENTIAL DECISIONS AND ITS MOST
SCATHING DISSENTS, WHICH EARNED HER THE NICKNAME "THE NOTORIOUS
R.B.G.," A.K.A. "RUTHIE SMALLS."
R.B.G. BELIEVED NOT IN SPECIAL TREATMENT, BUT IN EQUAL
TREATMENT, WHICH SHE SUMMED UP WITH THIS QUOTE:
>> I ASK NO FAVOR FOR MY SEX.
ALL I ASK OF OUR BRETHREN IS THAT THEY TAKE THEIR FEET OFF
OUR NECKS.
>> STEPHEN: DAMN RIGHT.
ESPECIALLY HERS.
THOSE CRAVATS WERE DRY-CLEAN ONLY.
BUT AMERICANS DIDN'T GET ANY TIME TO MOURN THIS GREAT
JUSTICE, BECAUSE LESS THAN TWO HOURS AFTER WE LEARNED OF
GINSBURG'S DEATH, WE HEARD FROM SENATE MAJORITY LEADER AND
NEUTERED DOG SACK, MITCH MCCONNELL.
WHO SAID, "PRESIDENT TRUMP'S NOMINEE WILL RECEIVE A VOTE ON
THE FLOOR OF THE UNITED STATES SENATE."
HE COULDN'T EVEN WAIT 'TIL THE MORNING.
IT'S LIKE A HUSBAND RUSHING TO THE SCENE OF THE ACCIDENT AND
GOING: (AS HUSBAND)
"NO!
NOT MY WIFE!
HEY, IS THAT E.M.T. SINGLE?
'CUZ I AAAAMMM!" APPARENTLY, SINCE 2016,
MCCONNELL HAS HAD A CHANGE OF HEART, OR WHATEVER SQUIRMING BAG
OF SCORPIONS OCCUPIES THAT DARK CAVITY.
BECAUSE BACK THEN, HE OPPOSED BARACK OBAMA'S NOMINATION OF
MERRICK GARLAND, AND HE EXPLAINED IT THIS WAY:
>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DESERVE TO BE HEARD ON THIS MATTER.
THAT'S THE FAIREST AND MOST REASONABLE APPROACH TODAY.
VOTERS HAVE ALREADY BEGUN TO CHOOSE THE NEXT PRESIDENT, WHO
IN TURN WILL NOMINATE THE NEXT SUPREME COURT JUSTICE.
>> Stephen: KEEP IN MIND, BACK IF 2016, THAT WAS NINE MONTHS
BEFORE THE ELECTION.
THIS TIME THE ELECTION HAS LITERALLY ALREADY STARTED.
VOTING HAS BEGUN IN AS MANY AS 20 STATES.
SO FOR MCCONNELL, NOT IN AN ELECTION YEAR, BUT IN AN
ELECTION, THAT'S FINE.
THAT'S LIKE SAYING, "I'D NEVER
CHEAT DURING MY ENGAGEMENT.
BUT "AT" THE WEDDING?
I MEAN THE BRIDESMAIDS ARE JUST HANGIN' THERE LIKE RIPE FRUIT!"
SO, WHAT CHANGED?
WELL "NOW," MCCONNELL CLAIMS THAT SINCE THE 1880S, NO SENATE
HAS CONFIRMED AN OPPOSITE-PARTY PRESIDENT'S SUPREME COURT
NOMINEE IN A PRESIDENTIAL LECTION YEAR.
OKAY, BUT HE DID NOT "MENTION" ANYTHING ABOUT POLITICAL PARTIES
IN 2016.
HE'S LIKE THAT NEIGHBORHOOD KID WHO KEEPS CHANGING THE RULES OF
THE GAME.
(AS MCCONNELL) "THE FLOOR IS LAVA, BUT I CAN
WALK ON IT BECAUSE I HAVE RED SHOES.
BUT RED SHOES DON'T WORK FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU HAVE AN OLDER
BROTHER.
THAT'S ALSO WHY I GET TWO CUPCAKES AND GET TO TAKE AWAY
YOUR HEALTHCARE, WHICH YOU'RE GOING TO NEED BECAUSE THE COUCH
IS ALSO LAVA."
MCCONNELL ISN'T THE ONLY FRAGRANT HYPOCRITE.
SO IS SOUTH CAROLINA SENATOR AND SAD, WET CORN MUFFIN REMEMBERING
WHEN HE USED TO BE LINDSAY GRAHAM, LINDSAY GRAHAM.
GRAHAM HAS ALREADY SAID HE'LL VOTE TO SEAT TRUMP'S NOMINEE,
BUT BACK IN 2016 GRAHAM PROMISED THAT HE WOULD TREAT A REPUBLICAN
NOMINEE THE SAME WAY HE WAS TREATING MERRICK GARLAND, AND HE
HAD A CHALLENGE FOR THE PRESS: >> I WANT YOU TO USE MY WORDS
AGAINST ME.
IF THERE IS A REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT IN 2016 AND A VACANCY
OCCURS IN THE LAST YEAR OF THE FIRST TERM, YOU CAN "LINDSEY
GRAHAM SAID LET'S LET THE NEXT PRESIDENT, WHOEVER IT MIGHT BE,
MAKE THAT NOMINATION," AND YOU CAN USE MY WORDS AGAINST ME AND
YOU'D BE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
>> STEPHEN: I'D LOVE TO USE YOUR WORDS AGAINST YOU, LINDSAY, BUT
THEY'RE CLEARLY EMPTY.
NOW, A GYM SOCK FULL OF COMBINATION LOCKS?
THAT'S GOT SOME HEFT.
AND IT'S NOT JUST MCCONNELL AND GRAHAM.
LISTEN TO ALL THESE REPUBLICAN SENATORS IN 2016:
>> THERE IS A LONG TRADITION THAT YOU DON'T DO THIS IN AN
ELECTION YEAR.
I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD BE MOVING FORWARD ON A NOMINEE IN
THE LAST YEAR OF THIS PRESIDENT'S TERM.
I WOULD SAY THAT IF IT WAS A REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT.
>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE OUGHT TO HAVE A SAY WHO SITS IN THAT
SUPREME COURT SEAT.
>> WHY WOULD WE SQUASH THE VOICE OF THE PEOPLE?
WHY WOULD WE DENY VOTERS A CHANCE TO WEIGH IN ON THE MAKE
UP OF THE SUPREME COURT?
>> WE ARE NOT GOING TO NOMINATE A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE UNTIL
THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN.
>> LET THE NEW PRESIDENT MAKE THE DECISION WITHOUT THE
POLITICAL INFLUENCE OF THE ELECTION HANGING OVER IT.
>> STEPHEN: OF COURSE, ULTIMATELY, REPUBLICAN SENATORS
HAVE NO HONOR, SO THEY DON'T CARE IF WE CALL THEM HYPOCRITES.
IT'S LIKE THE FIFTH VICTIM SAYING TO JACK THE RIPPER "HEY,
YOU KEEP STABBING ME IN THE CHEST, YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO
START TO SEEM LIKE A MURDERER.
I MEAN, IN THE PUBLIC'S EYES.
I UNDERSTAND ALL THE PRESSURE THAT MUST BE ON YOU TO KEEP
STABBING ME."
ALONG WITH THE SENATORS, THEN-CANDIDATE TRUMP SAID THIS
ABOUT MERRICK GARLAND: >> I THINK THE NEXT PRESIDENT
SHOULD MAKE THE PICK.
I WOULD BE NOT IN FAVOR OF GOING FORWARD.
BUT SURPRISE!
SATURDAY, HE SAID THIS: >> WE SAID IF FOR ANY REASON, WE
HAVE A VACANCY ON THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT, WE WILL
FILL THAT VACANCY.
WE'RE NOT GOING TO SAY AND BY THE WAY, WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME.
THERE'S A LOT OF TIME, YOU KNOW YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT JANUARY 20.
RIGHT.
>> FILL THAT SEAT, FILL THAT SEAT, FILL THAT SEAT, FILL THAT
SEAT!
>> STEPHEN: OKAY, SO TRUMP HAS A NEW CHANT.
BUT UNLIKE "BUILD THE WALL," I'M PRETTY SURE HE CAN FILL THAT
SEAT.
YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR JOY WHERE YOU CAN.
TRUMP IS THRILLED TO HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY.
A SOURCE CLOSE TO HIM REVEALED THAT TRUMP HAS BEEN "SALIVATING"
TO NOMINATE A REPLACEMENT.
COURT JUSTICE EXTRA CRISPY.
SHE'S SURE TO CAST THE DECIDING VOTE ON GRAVY V. ARTERIES.
TRUMP REALLY WANTS THIS SUPREME COURT FIGHT, BUT THERE'S A
DANGER IN TRUMP BASING HIS REELECTION ON THIS BECAUSE 62%
OF AMERICANS WANT THE SEAT TO REMAIN VACANT AND ONLY 23% WANT
HIM TO FILL IT.
PEOPLE LOVE THE WAY I SHANKED COVID.
QUICK, FIND SOMETHING TO TAKE THEIR MIND OFF IT.
I'VE NARROWED IT DOWN TO REPLACING THE SUPREME COURT
JUSTICE OR DROP KICKING BABY YODA.
ON "THIS GEORGE WITH WEEK STEPHANPOULOS," NANCY PELOSI
EXPLAINED THAT SHE'S KEEPING HER OPTIONS OPEN:
>> SOME HAVE MENTIONED THE POSSIBILITY IF THEY TRY TO PUSH
THROUGH THE NOMINEE IN A LAME DUCK SESSION.
THAT YOU AND THE HOUSE COULD MOVE TO IMPEACH PRESIDENT TRUMP
OR ATTORNEY GENERAL BARR BY WAY OF STALLING AND PREVENTING
THE SENATE FROM ACTING ON THIS NOMINATION.
>> WELL, WE HAVE OUR OPTIONS.
WE HAVE ARROWS IN OUR QUIVVER THAT I'M NOT ABOUT TO DISCUSS
RIGHT NOW.
>> STEPHEN: GLAD TO HEAR IT, MADAME SPEAKER, BUT, CAN WE
UPDATE YOUR WEAPONRY, PLEASE?
DEMOCRATS MAY HAVE A QUIVVER OF ARROWS, TRUMP HAS A LITERAL HEAT
RAY!
BUT STILL: ALL THIS TALK OF IMPEACHMENT TAKES ME BACK TO A
SIMPLER TIMER TIME, LIKE IMPEACHMENT.
THAT'S ALL WE HAD TO WORRY ABOUT.
YOU KNOW, IT USED TO TAKE SEVERAL DECADES FOR CULTURE TO
GET NOSTALGIC, BUT THE PAST NINE MONTHS HAVE FELT SO LONG, IT'S
TIME FOR VH1'S NEW SERIES "I LOVE THE JANUARY!"
I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT OUR HAIRCUTS BACK THEN.
IN THAT WE'D GET HAIRCUTS.
AND LOOK WHAT WE WERE WEARING: PANTS!
AS IMPORTANT AS JUSTICE GINSBURG'S WORK WAS TO ALL
AMERICANS, AND AS AFFECTED AS I AM BY HER LOSS, I THINK IT'S
FAIR TO SAY THAT HER LIFE'S WORK WAS ESPECIALLY MEANINGFUL
TO AMERICAN WOMEN.
HERE TO TALK MORE ABOUT THAT IS ONE OF MY WRITERS, AND CERTIFIED
WOMAN, ELIANA KWARTLER.
ELIANA?
>> THANKS STEVE.
I CAN'T SPEAK FOR ALL WOMEN, BUT THE WOMEN OF "THE LATE SHOW"
CHOSE ME TO TALK ABOUT JUSTICE GINSBURG FOR THREE REASONS: I'M
TINY, JEWISH, AND HAVE THE WORKOUT ROUTINE OF AN 80
YEAR-OLD.
I JUST MOVED UP TO TWO POUND WEIGHTS!
>> STEPHEN: NICE.
SO HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> MY TRICEPS ARE A LITTLE SORE.
>> STEPHEN: I MEAN ABOUT RUTH BADER GINSBURG'S PASSING.
>> OOOH.
I'M SAD.
AND I'M MAD.
I'M SCARED, UPSET FRUSTRATED.
I OWE SO MUCH TO RUTH BADER GINSBURG.
HER WORK PAVED THE WAY FOR ME TO GET A MORTGAGE AND GET A CAR
LOAN WITHOUT A MAN TO CO-SIGN.
SHE'S THE REASON I CAN HAVE MY OWN CREDIT CARD.
WITHOUT HER, I NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO BUY THESE CUSTOM
PURPLE VELOUR SWEATPANTS THAT SAY NOMINEE IN GIANT RHINESTONES
ACROSS THE BUTT.
THANK YOU, JUSTICE GINSBURG.
AND I'M SORRY WE LOST TO JOHN OLIVER.
>> STEPHEN: ARE YOU APOLOGIZING TO JUSTICE GINSBURG OR TO ME?
>> BOTH, BUT ACTUALLY HER.
R.B.G. PIONEERED THE IDEA THAT DISCRIMINATION ON THE BASIS OF
SEX VIOLATES THE EQUAL PROTECTION CLAUSE OF THE
CONSTITUTION.
IN 1996, SHE GOT THE VIRGINIA MILITARY INSTITUTE TO ALLOW
WOMEN TO ATTEND.
THANKS TO HER, I HAD THE OPTION TO ATTEND MILITARY COLLEGE.
I DIDN'T TAKE IT.
I CANNOT CLIMB A ROPE.
>> STEPHEN: NEITHER CAN I.
>> AND THAT'S EQUALITY, STEVE.
YU AND I HAVE THE SAME MUSCLE MASS, BUT YOU HAVE MORE WOMANLY
HIPS.
>> STEPHEN: TRUE.
>> EVERYTHING ABOUT HOW SHE LIVED HER LIFE WAS
INSPIRATIONAL.
R.B.G. WASN'T A MIRACLE WORKER.
SHE WAS A WORKER WORKER.
THERE'S A STORY FROM 2014, WHEN SHE WAS ALREADY 81, WHERE SHE
STAYED UP WORKING ON AN EMERGENCY BRIEF UNTIL 5:00 A.M.
>> STEPHEN: I CAN BARELY STAY UP UNTIL 5:00 P.M.
>> I KNOW.
I WROTE THAT LINE FOR YOU.
IF R.B.G. TAUGHT US ANYTHING, IT'S THAT NECK DOILIES NEVER GO
OUT OF STYLE.
ALSO THAT YOU OVERCOME YOUR OPPONENT BY OUTWORKING YOUR
OPPONENT.
THERE'S A REASON SHE WORKED UNTIL 87 AND STILL WASN'T
FINISHED.
BUT WE'RE THE ONES WHO GET TO FINISH HER WORK.
AND WE'RE ALL WORKING FROM HOME, WHICH MEANS WE GET TO DO IT IN
THESE!
>> STEPHEN: ELIANA KWARTLER AND HER SPARKLY PANTS, EVERYBODY!
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, I'LL BE TALKING TO
LIEUTENANT GENERAL H.R.
MCMASTER AND LAURENCE FISHBURNE.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, MORE MONOLOGUE.
♪ ♪