I'm Nicholeen Peck, I'm the creator of teaching self-government which is a parenting program.
I'm an expert on relationships communications and children and
in this video, I'm going to be talking about how to get kids to sleep in their own bed.
Are you watching this video because well you're
just wanting a little bit more private time in your own bed
or are you watching this video because you're hoping to make it so that your children
never do want to share your bed with you. Well, either way, I'm going to be able to help you.
In this video, I'm going to talk to you about what we did to help them feel secure but also
to make sure that they knew our bed was not their bed. So let's start with the preventative.
It's a really good idea as a parent to make sure that you're thinking ahead
and deciding, "Wait a minute, do I want to share my bed with my child?", and if the answer is no
because for me the answer for sure was no. I can't sleep when I have somebody else touching me or
somebody else moving around, it's just the way I am. I can't even touch my husband in the night. We
say. "Oh honey, I love you...", and then we turn over and we go to sleep. So, I knew that I wasn't
going to be one of those parents that was going to succeed with having people in my bed with me.
Also I wanted to make sure that as husband and wife we were able to have our own quality time.
So, when they're tiny, I made sure that I made it very clear when they woke up in the middle of the
night that they weren't going to be spending time in my bed. They weren't going to be falling asleep
in my bed. So once they hit an age where they were old enough to kind of know what was going on
and where they were. Then if they woke up in the middle of the night for something I would make
sure that I consoled them that I got them kind of sleepy but then I would take them to their bed.
So that they could always see themselves falling asleep in their own bed. So they recognized this
is the place where I fall asleep. This is a safe place to go to sleep. If a child is always falling
asleep in your bed or in the car or in front of a movie they won't trust being in their own bed to
fall asleep. You also want to make sure that you have a really good go to bed routine established.
So if the routine does the same things each time maybe they get a piggyback to their bed each time.
You know at the end of the night then they know that this is the end place. This is where it all
stops and maybe you say the little prayers sing the little song with them
so that they are for sure grounded in the location where they need to
have that nighttime experience. Another thing that's really important with little children
is having them be excited about their beds. So one thing that we did do was we transitioned them from
cribs to toddler beds fairly early. I know some people wait for that we also transitioned them
from toddler beds to big beds pretty early too. So, sometimes they had to kind of climb up there.
But we did that so that they would get excited about their new bed all the time. It was something
that gave them a sense of ownership. Before we talk about what to do if they keep coming
in your bed and how to stop that trend. Please consider sharing this video if you know somebody
that maybe could use a little bit more rest at night. This could be something
that they could use to help get that child to embrace being in their own bed again.
It's key that you pre-teach your children what you will do if they wake up in the night. So, I had a
child who was plagued with nightmares for quite some time and I told him that every time he had
a nightmare there was a certain procedure that we would go through. First, we would absolutely pray.
We would make sure that he knew that light casts away darkness and if we were gonna call upon
powers of light he didn't have to worry about the darkness anymore. So, that was an important
thing that we did for him. Another thing that we did was we said that if after that he still
felt like he needed to be nearby he could be nearby but just not in the same bed with us.
So we would allow him to set up a little bed on the floor next to our bed. Now, that was something
that he utilized occasionally on a few occasions. But truthfully it's not as comfortable as sleeping
in your own bed and there was a point when he realized, "You know, I can go back to my own bed
it's okay", I did that because my parents did that for me. I had a very active imagination when
I was little and I thought i saw and heard things all the time had little paranoias.
My parents did not want me getting in their bed anymore and I remember vividly them allowing me
to sleep by the side of their bed and knowing that my father was there just right up that mattress
from where I was sleeping actually brought me a lot of comfort and I know that it brought my
son comfort too when he was having nightmares. But then there was this point when I realized I
didn't exactly like looking under the bed when i was sleeping. I would rather be on top of the bed
and it was much more cozy plus dad snort. So it was better to move back to my own bed after all
and I think my son probably felt the same way. So, after we debunk their fears we need to make
sure that we give them something that they can do. So you can give them a skill set that they can use
to teach themselves how to calm down. So ahead of time before it's ever bedtime plan on how a
person can get calm in the night when they wake up if they feel like they're a little bit worried
and one of the biggest things that a person can do is they can tell themselves the truth.
So what's the truth? The truth is it's just dark in the room because we flipped the switch to off.
But if we turn the switch on it's going to be light so I don't need to be afraid of the
dark because it's only dark because that switch is down. But if I wanted it to be
light I could turn the switch on. But I sleep better when it's dark.
So, tell them the things they can tell themselves in their heads.
Also, if they find themselves thinking about something that is making them be worried or
paranoid. Then teach them that they can tell that thought no,
"No, I'm not going to think about that.
That does not make me happy. That is making me worried and I don't need to be worried because
mom and dad are in the next room and if I need anything I can call out to them and they will
help me. Mom and dad will always come and help me. If I go get them or if I call out to them."
So teach them key things that they can do skills little mini skills that they can use in the
moments when they might be having a problem in the night. So that they can soothe and calm those
fears and feel like it is okay to actually go to bed. Sometimes the thing that they just need most
is to know that you're there. That's why they're coming into your bed in the middle of the night.
But if you teach them how to know that you're there without climbing into bed
then that will make it so that they don't make the long trek to your room
and you don't have to bring them back to theirs all in the middle of the night.
Sometimes we are expecting a full night's sleep and it doesn't happen. Did you know
that some of our expectations can actually create more problems for us? Well, it's true.
There is a free class that I would like to give you it's called the expectation trap
versus the cycle for success. If you watch that video now you will learn some key things that
you can do to enjoy the little bumps in the road instead of having them be moments that ruin your
day or your night. Click on the video for the expectation trap now and I'll see you there.