>>> ALL RIGHT, DRUNKY MCDRUNKS, LAST CALL.
HOOK UP NOW OR GO HOME AND HUMP YOUR BODY PILLOWS.
>> HANG ON, BARTENDER, GIVE ME ONE MORE SCOTCH AND PEPTO.
I GOT A CASE OF THE SQUIRTS BUT I STILL WANT TO DRINK.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> MAKE MINE A GIN AND SONIC
PLEASE. GIN WITH A LITTLE HAMBURGER IN
IT. WHAT HAVE I GOT TO LOSE BESIDES
ANOTHER FOOT? HA HA!
>> OH, BROTHER. WELL, WELL, WELL.
>> IS THIS THANKSGIVING YET? LOOKS LIKE THERE'S STILL ONE
LITTLE BUTTERBALL ROLLING AROUND IN THE FREEZER.
>> OH, YEAH? WHY DON'T YOU SET ME ON THE
COUNTER AND LET ME COME TO ROOM TEMP BEFORE YOU STUFF MY BUTT
FULL OF CORNBREAD, HUH? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> YELLOW CARD! >> MIND IF I PLOP MY SLOP A
LITTLE CLOSER? >> SURE, LET ME JUST MOVE MY
BRIEFCASE. BY BRIEFCASE I MEAN ZIP-LOC BAG
FILLED WITH EMERGENCY UNDERWEAR. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> BARTENDER. DO YOU HAVE A COAT CHECK?
>> YEAH. I'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU KNOW, I WAS LOOKING AT
YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE THAT CERTAIN STILL HERE QUALITY.
>> AND I NOTICED YOU BECAUSE THE WHOLE BACK OF YOUR SHIRT IS
BURNT OUT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH, YEAH? WELL, JOKE'S ON YOU.
BECAUSE THAT'S THE FRONT. A RIVAL TRIED TO SET ME ON FIRE
AND SHE DID IT. HI.
I'M SHEILA SAVAGE. >> I FEEL LIKE I'VE SEEN YOU
BEFORE. >> UH-HUH.
YOU MIGHT RECOGNIZE ME FROM ABC'S "WHAT WOULD YOU DO?"
I WAS THE ONE THAT DIDN'T HELP THE TOURIST GETTING MUGGED.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] MATTER OF FACT, I JOINED IN.
SO WHAT'S ON YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE?
>> BESIDES LEGALLY BLIND, AND ORGAN NEEDER?
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] IT'S GOT THE NAME COREY DIPSHIPS
WHICH IS WEIRD BECAUSE I SHIP DIPS TO KOREA.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> THAT'S CRAZY.
I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM CHINATOWN. >> OH!
OH, WOW. OH!
SOMETHING'S HAPPENING HERE. YEAH.
>> IT'S CALLED THE FIRST SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU KNOW, WHEN I FIRST SAW
YOU I WAS LIKE F-NO. NOW I'M LIKE, F-I GUESS.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> YOU, YOU HAD ME AT WHEN I
REMEMBERED THERE ARE DETECTIVES WAITING FOR ME AT MY APARTMENT.
YOU FEELING WHAT I'M FEELING? >> IF IT'S RESIGNATION, THEN
YES. >> WHAT'S YOUR SIGN?
>> OH, I'M ON THE CUSP. YOU SEE, MY HEAD POKED OUT ON A
TUESDAY. BUT I KEPT MY FEETS IN TILL
FRIDAY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
WHAT'S YOUR SIGN? >> VAGITARRIUS.
>> GOOD. NOW I CAN'T HEAR THINGS.
>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I CAN TAKE A HINT.
WHY DON'T WE GO BACK TO YOUR PLACE AT 67th?
>> 67th? >> YEAH, THAT'S ME TRYING TO GET
AT YOUR JUNK WHILE YOU'RE LIKE THIS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> AH.
I'D RATHER GO BACK TO MY PLACE AND DO A LITTLE 66.
>> OH, YEAH, WHAT'S THAT? >> THAT'S YOU FACING AWAY FROM
ME, AND I JUST WORK ON MYSELF. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> JUST SEAL THE DEAL SO I CAN POWER WASH YOUR STOOLS.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> SLUGGER, LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST
HIT A GROUNDER AND YOU'RE HEADED TO FIRST BASE.
>> THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE I HAVE A ROD AND IT'S AS UNPOPULAR AS THE
BALL PLAYER. >> ALL RIGHT.
LET ME JUST GET MY AXE BODY SPRAY ON.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ LAUGHTER ]
>> WOW. THAT WAS DEEROTIC.
>> YEAH, YOU GAVE ME A HARD-OFF. >> HANG ON, HANG ON.
I THINK IN THESE DARK TIME WET NEED A LITTLE GRACE AND A LITTLE
BEAUTY. LET'S BELLAGIO THIS SUCKER.
>> LET'S DO IT. >> BARTENDER, A LITTLE WC,
PLEASE. ♪♪♪
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] [ LAUGHTER ]
>> GOD DAMMIT, ANTHONY, YOU LET HER GET TO YOU.
WELL, TIME TO BE A GOOD GUY WITH A GUN.
>> HEY, WE'RE MAKING OUT OVER HERE!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪♪♪