- I don't think I can genuinely find what I'm looking for,
given the current circumstances.
I think we could meet during this time
and progress during this time, but I wouldn't make it.
I wouldn't necessarily jump
to assuming that he's going to be my husband
without several other tests that we can't do.
- Let's face it, dating is weird right now
even though we can meet up with people again
social distancing plus constant changing rules
means that dating can be kind of awkward
and really confusing to navigate.
I'm not sure if it's really working for me.
So I'm going to interview a series
of single people to hear their thoughts.
Can you find a relationship and make it work?
What's happening to hook up culture?
With no end in sight to social distancing
and our habits potentially changing for good,
the main question I want answered is,
has dating changed forever?
- The last time I kissed somebody was what,
four and a half months ago?
Like, oh my God, like I feel like my friends are just awful
just awful at dating
- I love getting to meet new people.
I love getting to know new people.
I really like discovering new things with people
and when they're already enthusiastic about it
and I can kind of enjoy that through them
and really experience new things
because I'm getting to know them,
it's just a wonderful experience.
And I think that's kind of one of the main aspects of dating
that I really love.
- There's an energy in the air when a date is going well.
And the flirtiness and the body contact and the connection,
like, are you looking at each other's eyes?
Or is he looking away?
Is he looking down?
Has he reached to like touch your leg under the table?
Did your hands kind of like connect?
And then they kind of stayed.
It's a lot harder to get that and to feel that
under restrictions and guidelines.
When lockdown was first announced,
I felt pretty lonely because I'm a social person
and I really liked going on dates
and I liked having activities to do.
And I like the idea of a monogamous relationship
kinda more than ever right now.
- There was that the kind of cliche
about finding someone to settle down with for the pandemic
because people were really, really lonely in the pandemic.
You can have all the friends in the world,
but you can still feel very, very isolated.
- When we first entered into the pandemic.
One of the things I was legitimately considering
was okay I'm just gonna have to be a monk now.
Like I got very well acquainted with myself.
- I still don't know if my flatmate can hear my vibrator
but I hope not. (laughs)
- I feel the way that people used to be able to meet people
was by going out or not just in bars and clubs,
but hobbies and communities.
And you wouldn't necessarily just sit in your room,
swiping to get to the kind of people
that you might want to have relationships with.
- As lockdown began to really come into play,
I was really focused on continuing to build
at least the emotional connections I had with people,
still kind of keeping up conversation.
Still having play, but exploring play digitally.
I started exploring myself through different routes as well.
So there are a lot of incredible workshops that I joined
which were sex positive
which I think is something I think is really important.
And if I wasn't getting laid
then I really required some other kind
of sexual release and actually just talking
and conversing and engaging and learning about sex.
- The first video date I had was...It was okay.
We just kept like talking over each other.
I think it's hard to like establish a connection
like nothing else is gonna happen.
Cause you sterilize the environment.
Nobody's gonna walk in on you.
A waiter is not gonna talk funny,
well let you take the Mickey out of...
So there's very, very little to react.
It is literally just an interview.
You're interviewing for a position of maybe
some very, very disappointing Skype sex.
- I think I was quite intrigued
because I guess I had quite a few friends talk about it
and say, it's kind of an odd experience.
But then I had some friends saying
that they actually really enjoyed it.
And so I just kind of wanted to see...
- Understanding what a dom sub connection
could look like digitally.
And someone controlling me
and asking me to sit down and stand up and close my eyes
and me doing the same to them,
to practicing, tying my self up, Japanese Shibari,
but doing techniques on my own
to writing smarty love letters to people I was crushing on.
Like it was so dope.
I did so much and I met really cool people.
- I do think there are great things
that Zoom dating can bring.
And it works for people, lots of people,
especially if you're someone
who's looking for something more romantic
and more longterm commitment, that kind of connection.
Great.
For me, not so much.
- I'm a pretty tactile person.
So for me, in order to like, know a date is going well
if we're having a date here,
it's like you scooch in a little bit closer,
like your feet kind of touch
or like your arms touch a little bit.
And so you kind of get the sense of
where something is going and if they're feeling it too.
So yeah, on a video chat when I'm just like
sitting into my bed and trying to be flirty,
but you can't even like I don't know,
it's like an awkward way to crack a joke.
It just didn't work.
- I do think we've often seen technology
as a hindrance for connection.
So to flip it and be like,
well, these are all the ways and routes
that you can still connect with people
because we can't have physical proximity and physical touch.
- I tried swiping and had all the apps and stuff.
And I was like, well, what's the point of being on Grindr?
Like it's a hookup app.
I'm not having anyone come over and I'm not going anywhere.
So there's literally no point of that.
I was jealous of people that like had
a companion to kind of lock down with.
- Having a bunch of horny people on one app
is just exhausting.
It's just so depressing.
Cause you're really horny.
They're really horny.
And it just becomes like this angry, confused mating ritual.
- I felt like there was even more of a real need
for community and friendship.
And I think that people would rush to dating apps
to get that because if you're not meeting new people at all,
you're not meeting friends of friends.
If the only people that you're talking to is
your closest friends on a Zoom call,
then your way of meeting new people is dating apps.
- When we moved into lockdown,
I was just keen to make sure it wasn't like,
I'm just gonna jump on back onto my apps.
Sure yes, I was on the apps.
Like, do I ever download them?
I mean, rather than do I ever delete them?
Like, no.
But it was more about understanding.
Like what other ways can I talk to people?
Can I meet people?
Can I connect with people?
- So I formed a community called Queer Culture Club.
The idea was before the pandemic
and the pandemic just really kick started it into action.
And as we've now transitioned into real life,
it has really exploded.
And the idea is just to have
a kind of inclusive community for people,
a space for people that just isn't romance focused.
- I think the day we were allowed to sit in parks,
things changed a little bit
and that's when I would start going
I started like a few more dates then
because we could still sit far away from each other
and like not have the risk of breaking any restrictions
but we could sit down and actually chat face to face.
- Physical contact is immediately off the table.
So you're like
well, how do I go about this and what to expect?
And I did eventually go on a couple dates
and two dates with the same person, socially distanced.
So in real life and socially distanced,
it felt weird.
- The first day I went on post lockdown,
it ended up being a really nice date.
But for the first 20 minutes of that,
I was concerned I'd forgotten how to socialize.
You're laughing but I am being absolutely for real,
like I couldn't keep a conversation going.
I was still in that very, like not even one word answers.
It was just very close ended answers.
It took me about 20 minutes to relax into it.
- We're gonna meet and have an awkward day.
And then at the end of the day, I'm gonna look at you.
You're gonna look at me
and then I'm gonna look down at your lips
and oh wait, there's a mask.
Like that literally happened
as I was saying goodbye to someone.
I was like, oh that's not a thing that I considered
in this whole scenario.
I just got cock blocked by a mask.
- I eventually shockingly hugged on the second date.
And the thought of saying that, let's just stop.
I hugged on the second date.
- It's taking longer for relationships to grow
because there's like less to do.
Like how many times can you sit in the park as a date?
Like if you're truly dating someone
you wanna like get multiple different experiences
and have them meet your friends eventually
and have like, bring him to a friend's birthday party.
And it's just so hard to do that right now.
So you can't fully get to know someone.
To be honest, I don't really know anyone
who's killing it in the dating game right now.
I don't know many single people
who are living their best dating life, I'd say
at the moment.
So I think once we're able to go back to normal
I think we're gonna kind of like rush to get there
so that we can do the things that we used to do.
- Having heard the experiences of Jeff, Zehra,
Preet, Ellie, and Beliza.
I was really curious to get down to the question,
has dating changed forever?
- I think dating has changed for the medium term
which is a cop out on what's going on
but cause in the short term it's definitely changed.
'Cause you know, all the social distancing stuff,
but I think in the medium term,
so probably for the next year or so.
I think it's definitely changed.
- What I wouldn't want is for society
to purely rely on dating apps.
Although, you have a few questions on different apps
to display your entire personality.
I've matched with people
who I have thought we couldn't have more in common
and yet there wasn't even a hint of a spark.
- There's so many fun things you can still do
while meeting people and establishing connection,
new places to go, things to see, places to explore.
And fortunately if done safely,
outdoor is still a world of wonder
that we can still explore.
- It will be harder.
It has changed because there were certain things
you're gonna wanna know and understand
ahead of anything else.
But you know, it could be that vaccines help
that in however many years to come.
It could be that things normalize again
and it is isn't gonna impact us.
But for now, it's here.
For now it definitely has changed,
whether that's gonna last
I think it will last for the foreseeable future
but a lot of things will often change again.
- Some people, I think some people's attitudes and minds
might have changed.
So some people might not wanna meet up with
as many random people as they may have before.
I don't know if questions like,
have you been vaccinated?
Are you gonna be?
Or like, have you had an antibody test?
Like, I don't know if there's gonna be prerequisites
that people have before they meet.
I don't know.
I think we'll all like really enjoy being back
in the real world once things open up,
meeting up with new people again.
But I think yeah.
So I don't think it's changed forever.
I think getting back to normal is gonna be awkward.
Figure out what the new normal is
but once we're there it'll be,
I think it will be totally fine.
- So there you have it.
That's their opinion.
What do you think?
(soft music)