"The Mysteries of Life with Tim and Moby"
Hey Moby, have you seen my —
— toothbrush?
10, 9, 8, 7…
--Beep!
Hang on… 6, 5, 4, 3…
2, and 1.
Ahhhhhhh!
"Dear Tim and Moby,
My sister and I argue practically every day.
What can I do to stop it?
From, Wayne"
Hey, Wayne.
When you spend enough time with other people,
your wants and needs are bound to conflict with theirs.
Maybe you and your sister both want to use your tablet at the same time.
Or, you might feel a good friend of yours isn't playing fairly.
When situations like these arise,
you’re going to feel some strong emotions.
That’s perfectly okay.
Anger and frustration are normal feelings, and everyone has them at one time or another.
--Beep!
It's how you deal with those feelings that counts.
You may be tempted to act aggressively:
with yelling and name-calling, or even with violence.
That can just provoke the other person to act the same way.
You won't get what you want,
and you'll end up in an argument or a fight.
--Beep!
True: sometimes they'll back down, and you'll get your way.
But if you blow up at every little disagreement,
you’ll have a tough time keeping any friends!
Nobody wants to hang out with someone who always gets his way.
--Beep!
Yeah, it’s tough to control your emotions, especially for kids!
Fortunately, I’ve had a lot of practice in this department.
--Beep?
When I get angry or frustrated,
the first thing I do is stop and recognize what I'm feeling.
Next, I take a few deep breaths;
sometimes I even count backwards from 10… to myself.
By the time I reach 1, I'm usually ready to deal with things more calmly.
--Beep!
Sure, just walking away is easier in the short-term.
But you don't want to get into the habit of ignoring stuff
that bothers you.
Peaceful, direct confrontation is the best way to go.
--Beep!
Well, you can start out by explaining how you feel in a calm, respectful way.
Say you and your sister are arguing over who gets to use your tablet.
You might say, "When you don't give me a turn, I get really frustrated."
Explain what you want to use it for.
Then, let your sister express her point of view.
Show that you’re paying attention by making eye contact and nodding.
And when someone else is talking, be sure you really listen.
Maybe your sister has been waiting all day to talk to her friend
from summer camp.
Maybe she’s researching an important project for school.
Think about how you would feel
if she wanted you to just hand over the tablet.
--Beep?
People are more reasonable when they see that you understand where they're coming from.
You could say something like,
"I don't want to interrupt you and your friend."
"Can you let me know when you're done?"
--Beep!
It helps to think of the other person as your partner, not your enemy.
The real enemy is the problem you’re both trying to solve.
Still, if things get a little too heated,
you might want to call in another person to mediate the dispute.
It can be anyone you trust to be fair —
a family member, a friend, a classmate, even a teacher.
The mediator can decide when it's each person's time to talk,
and make sure that everyone acts in a respectful manner.
--Beep?
The best solutions involve a compromise; each side gives a little ground.
For example, you and your sister can set a schedule
for sharing your tablet.
Instead of the dispute ending with one person losing,
we get a win-win situation.
--Beep?
Oh… right.
Well Moby, when you use my toothbrush to clean your toes,
I feel grossed out.
I wonder how long it's been going on, and I get sick to my stomach.
--Beep!
I see: you get carbon buildup on your toes, and it's really uncomfortable.
Hm… maybe there’s a solution we can both live with.
"Tim's toothbrush"
"Moby's toebrush"