Recently Stuff Mom Never Told You fan asked me both on YouTube and on Twitter if I could
talk about cliques because as she tweeted to me, 'I despise them!' When I was in high
school I completely despised them too because I wasn't in the cool one. I wonder why? [Awkward laughter]
The three main questions people tend to have about cliques is why do they exist in the
first place, are they good or bad and do clique labels stick with you forever? Clearly mine
probably still does. First up, why do cliques exist in the first place? Sociologists love
cliques because they are an innately human kind of formation that begins when we are
very, very young. Studies have found that kids start selecting and rejecting their peers
as early as preschool and kindergarten. By the time kids reach late elementary school
around eight to ten years old distinct cliques have already begun forming. Now if you ask
a sociologist why cliques form the answer will probably have a lot to do with our human
impulse to find our own identity while seeking the approval of others. In other words as
we grow up we tend to gravitate towards specific cliques as our way of figuring out who we
are and where we fit in the broader world. And in the process of doing so we also seek
approval from the peers that we admire or aspire to be in the form of 'yeah come join
our clique' or 'uh, go sit at another table Cristen'. There are even some high schools
out there setup to discourage clique formation among students but sociologists would probably
tell those schools 'ah, great intent but not gonna happen' because we are innately driven
to find our tribe. Which leads to question number two, are they good are bad? A lot of
times cliques get a bad rap for being alienating, exclusionary and even bullying if you are
on the outside of a cool clique. Even if you're on the inside of a cool clique, it doesn't
necessarily mean that you are insulated from power dynamic issues because once you are
in a clique it does not guarantee that you will not at some point be kicked out. As probably
anyone who has been to middle and or high school can attest, it's a brutal tribal system
at work. And on top of that research has well established that your peer group has a strong
influence over things like your grades, your attitudes and your behaviors both inside the
classroom, out of the classroom and at home. On the good side of things if you're in a
clique that's healthy, positive, and supportive that could influence you to get better grades,
have better attitudes and better behaviors. But vice versa a not so positive clique. Which
leads me to the third and final question, do clique labels stick with you forever? I
don't know why forever has spirit fingers. Oooooo, what? To me this answer is the most
fascinating because it is the one that has changed the most over time. Sociologists think
that the clique designation students get today such as being a jock, a nerd, a stoner, a
class clown, don't have as lasting an impact on us because of something called emerging
adulthood. Fancy way of saying that millennials tend to take longer to do things like get
married, have a family, settle down, find a career. Scholars think that it gives us
more time to try on different selves and really figure out who we are as adults. Compared
to say our parents generation that got married and started families much sooner after high
school when those labels might have felt like a bigger part of their adult identity. Regardless
of the fact that we can move on from the person that we were in high school, thank goodness,
the social trials and tribulations that tend to come along with environments dominated
by cliques such as high school or even yes, the professional world, can have a lasting
emotional resonance. Which is why I want to know from you. How do you deal with cliques
because we're never going to get rid of cliques entirely but is there a way to manage them
better. If you feel like you've never found your tribe well, hah, this is one. Join us.
It's Stuff Mom Never Told You. The coolest, smartest tribe in town. Okay not the coolest.
It's not the coolest. Cliques don't stop after high school. This is not the intro I want.
Forever. [Gasp] The ice cream truck is back. Get out of here with your Popsicles and drumsticks.
It's g-I think it's going away. From very [Rooster crowing]. And there goes a truck
full of porter potties. Where am I right now?!