BUT BEFORE WE JUMP INTO THE NEWS, I'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT
SOMETHING THAT'S ON THE MINDS OF EVERYONE WATCHING RIGHT NOW.
TODAY IS, OF COURSE, HARRY STYLES' BIRTHDAY.
(
REGGIE, HOW ARE YOU CELEBRATING THE MOMENTOUS OCCASION?
REGGIE, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO L CELEBRATE THE MOMENTOUS
OCCASION?
>> Reggie: I'M GOING TO WEAR AS MANY BLOUSES AS POSSIBLE AND
PERHAPS PEARL EARRINGS AND OPANT THAT LOOKS LIKE A HYBRID BETWEEN
A THIRD AND PANTS -- SORRY, SKIRT AND PANTS.
>> James: IS THIS BECAUSE IT'S HARRY'S BIRTH DAZE, YOU
HAVE LET YOUR HAIR DOWN?
>> Reggie: IF HARRY IS GOING TO HAVE A BIRTHDAY, I SHOULD LET
OUR HAIR DOWN.
>> James: WE'RE LETTING OUR HAIR DOWN.
I LOVE IT, I LOVE THIS LOOK THAT YOU'VE GONE FOR TONIGHT, STEVE,
NEVER STEEFER!
I LIKE THIS LOOK YOU'VE GONE FOR!
IT'S SORT OF PART FARMER, PART, I DON'T KNOW, MONSON AND SONS?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HARRY, WE THE LATE LATE SHOW YOU, YOU KNOW
AWAY, WE ADORE YOU.
YOU KNOW YOU KNOW.
IT'S A FINE LINE.
I'M TRYING TO THINK OF MORE.
I CAN'T I'M FALLING.
WHAT HO!
(APPLAUSE) >> Reggie: YES, LIGHTNING.
>> James: IF I THINK OF NYMPH, MEET ME IN THE HALLWAY,
IS IT THAT ONE?
MEET ME IN THE CORRIDOR, MEET ME IN THE HALLWAY.
THAT'S MY FAVORITE HARRY SONG.
MEET ME IN THE HALLWAY.
I KEEP GOING, HE'S NEVER THERE!
(LAUGHTER) >> Reggie: THIS SHOW IS A
SIGN OF THE TIMES.
>> James: YES!
>> MAN, THIS IS LIKE GOLDEN MONOLOG!
JAYAPAL COME ON!
>> LIKE A LOT OF WATER MENTAL WA SUGAR!
>> SO MUCH WHEN IT GOES TOO FAR.
WHAT IS IT CALLED?
>> James: ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET INTO THE HEADLINES.
OF COURSE, WE'RE JUST A WEEK AWAY FROM DONALD TRUMP'S SECOND
IMPEACHMENT TRIAL.
HEY, NOT TALKING ABOUT TRUMP WAS FUN WHILE IT LASTED.
WASN'T IT?
WELL, OVER THE WEEKEND, FIVE OF TRUMP'S IMPEACHMENT LAWYERS
ABRUPTLY QUIT.
TRUMP SUDDENLY FOUND HIMSELF WITHOUT ANY LEGAL
REPRESENTATION, WHICH IS STILL A HUGE IMPROVEMENT OVER BEING
REPRESENTED BY RUDY GIULIANI.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
TRUMP QUICKLY ADDED TWO MORE LAWYERS.
BY THE TIME YOU'RE WATCHING THIS THEY'VE ALREADY QUIT.
DOES EVERYBODY REMEMBER SHAMAN, SHAMAN?
WE ARE COMPLETELY AMBIDEXTROUS ON THE SHAMAN SHAMAN?
THIS GUY WEARING THE HORNS SAYS HE FEELS, QUOTE CAN
WELL, THIS SHAMAN JUST ANNOUNCED THAT BECAUSE HE FEELS “BETRAYED
BY THE PRESIDENT,” HE IS WILLING TO TESTIFY AGAINST TRUMP AT THE
IMPEACHMENT TRIAL.
KNEW I'D GET A BIG REACTION.
(
I KNEW TRUMP'S BASE OF SUPPORT WAS DWINDLING, BUT I NEVER
THOUGHT HE'D LOSE THE “SHIRTLESS SHAMANS.”
(
PRESIDENT.
AND LOOK DPM THIS GUY FEELS BETRAYED BY ANYBODY, IT SHOULD
BE HIS RATTOO ARTIST.
>> Reggie: OH IT'S TERRIBLE.
>> James: WHAT IS THAT TATTOO, THERE, WHAT'S THAT MEANT
TO BE?
>> I THOUGHT IT WAS A SWORD TUCKED INTO HIS WAISTBAND.
>> James: PULL IT UP AGAIN.
FOR THAT TO WORK HE'S GOT TO PULL HIS TROUSERS UP.
IT'S A PANT PROBLEM THERE.
REY IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A SWORD, IT LOOKS LIKE ITS HILT.
IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY THERE IS NO SWORD THAT GOES THROUGH THE
LINE.
>> James: HE THINKS THAT I'M ALWAYS WEARING PANELS.
I RECKON HE'S GOT THE TOP OF A SWORD AND A GAP AND THE BOTTOM
OF A SWORD THERE.
>> Reggie: OH, GOT YOU, YEP, YEP.
>> James: I'LL ALWAYS BE WEARING SHORTS OR TROUSERS,
THERE'S NO POINT DOING THE WHOLE SWORD.
>> COVERS HIMSELF.
>> James: I'LL HAVE THE TIP OF A SWORD AND THE HANDLE OF A
SWORD AND -- >> Reggie: SAVES MONEY.
>> James: YES, AGONY.
REY AGONY.
>> James: SEEMS LIKE A COOL GUY THOUGH.
(LAUGHTER) >> Reggie: YEP, YEP.
>> James: BUT IMPEACHMENT ISN'T THE
BUT IMPEACHMENT ISN'T THE ONLY LEGAL PROCEEDING TRUMP HAS TO
WORRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW.
THE SCOTTISH PARLIAMENT IS DEBATING WHETHER OR NOT TO OPEN
AN INVESTIGATION INTO HOW TRUMP FINANCED HIS SCOTTISH GOLF
RESORTS, AND WHERE THE MONEY CAME FROM.
AND, OF COURSE, IF TRUMP ENDS UP GETTING PROSECUTED, THE SCOTTISH
PARLIAMENT WILL FORMALLY ASK HIM TO--
(SCOTTISH ACCENT)“ GET THE (
YOU BIG ORANGE BASSA!” GET YE NOW!
LUCKILY, TRUMP'S ALREADY GOT HIS SCOTTISH LAWYER LINED UP.
HERE HE IS HERE.
(
NICE.
>> GREAT GRAPHICS, MATE.
GREAT GRAPHICS!
>> James: IT'S SHREK!
YOU REMEMBER SHREK.
YOU REMEMBER WHEN SHREK CAME OUT 12 YEARS AGO?
(LAUGHTER) >> James: THAT'S WHAT WE'VE
GONE WITH.
BUT HE'S IN A SUIT, SEE?
BECAUSE NORMALLY, IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FILM, HE DOESN'T ALWAYS
WEAR A SUIT.
WE'VE ADDED TO IT.
WHAT WE'VE DONE, WE'VE PUT SHREK IN A SUIT AND HE'S IN OFFICE
ENVIRONMENT AND HE NORMALLY LIVES IN SOMEWHAT LIKE A SWAMP
DOESN'T HE?
>> SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
NO, HE'S IN A COURT ENVIRONMENT.
>> James: HE HAS TO BECAUSE HE'S REPRESENTING TRUMP.
>> AN PLATED, HERE NOW.
>> James: AS YOU KNOW, TRUMP HAS ALREADY DRAINED THE SWAMP.
DIDN'T DESERVE THAT!
AND DID YOU SEE THIS?
AND DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS?
IT WAS JUST ANNOUNCED THAT QUEEN ELIZABETH WILL BE HOSTING
PRESIDENT BIDEN AT BUCKINGHAM PALACE LATER THIS YEAR.
THE QUEEN WILL BE WELCOMING BIDEN FOR A “SOFT POWER”
RECEPTION.“ SOFT POWER.”
THAT WAS MY NICKNAME IN HIGH SCHOOL.
(
BIDEN AND THE QUEEN WILL MEET ONE ON ONE.
AND I THINK WE ALL KNOW THAT MEETING WILL START WITH BIDEN
POINTING TO HER CROWN AND GOIN“" THAT'S A WICKED HAT YOU GOT
THERE, SISTER.” (
AND THAT SOUNDED NOTHING LIKE BIDEN.
THAT'S THE WORST -- THAT'S THE WORST IMPRESSION I THINK
ANYONE'S EVER SEEN!
REY IT WAS WORSE.
>> James: MARK YOU CAN DO A WICKED -- A BIDEN?
>> THAT'S A WICKED HAT YOU GOT THERE SISTER.
>> James: FROM NOW ON MARK YOU'LL BE THE VOICE OF JOE BIDEN
ON THIS SHOW!
DONE.
THIS COULD GET THIS COULD GET CONTENTIOUS,
BECAUSE UNLIKE BIDEN, EVERYONE KNOWS THE QUEEN LOVES A BIT OF
MALARKEY.
(
OR AS SHE SAYS--
"ONE LOVES MALARKEY."
(
I'M FINE.
BUT I GET INTO A BIT OF PROBLEM -- MY PHONE IS RINGING.
>> ANSWER IT.
>> James: REDONDO BEACH.
>> HELLO?
>> CALLED THIS PHONE.
LAW ENFORCEMENT UNIT OF FEDERAL INVESTIGATION SYSTEM,ING LEGAL
CASE BEING FILED UNDER YOUR NAME AND THERE IS AN ARREST WARRANT
BEING ISSUED FOR THE SAME.
IN ORDER TO LAW ENFORCEMENT UNIT OF FEDERAL ABOUT ENFORCEMENT
SYSTEM.
PLEASE HOLD THE LINE.
>> James: GUYS, I'VE GOT TO GO!
I'VE GOT TO GO!
YOU HAVEN'T HEARD WHAT'S HAPPENED, THERE IS FRAUDULENT
ACTIVITY ON MY BANK, I HAVE TO GO.
(BLEEP).
>> James: SORRY ABOUT THAT, IT'S OFF NOW.
ABOUT THAT'S THE THING, I'VE WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS.
A FILM FESTIVAL IN SWEDEN IS TAKING A RATHER UNUSUAL APPROACH
DUE TO THE PANDEMIC.
THIS YEAR, THEY'VE SELECTED ONE PARTICIPANT WHO WILL BE SENT TO
A REMOTE ISLAND TO SPEND A WEEK BY HERSELF, WATCHING FILM AFTER
FILM.
>> Reggie: WOW.
>> James: WHY DO THEY HAVE TO SEND HER TO AN ISLAND?
IT SEEMS EXTREME.
JUST SEND HER THE DVDS.
FILM IS UNNECESSARY.
DO YOU THINK THEY HAVE SWEDISH FISH AT THE MOVIE THEATER IN
SWEDEN?
IF THEY DO, WHAT ABOUT NOT CALLING THEM SWEDISH, JUST FISH?
>> THEY HAVE POLDER GREASE.
>> James: THE NEXT TIME >> James: A FILM FESTIVAL FOR
ONE.
SO THE NEXT TIME YOU WATCH A MOVIE TRAILER, KEEP YOUR EYE OUT
FOR THIS SYMBOL.“ OFFICIAL SELECTION, JANICE
LIKED THIS ONE.” (
STORY, A LAWYER IN PERU HAS GONE VIRAL AFTER HE WAS CAUGHT HAVING
SEX ON CAMERA DURING A VIRTUAL COURT HEARING OVER ZOO.
NOW WE'VE HAD TO BLUR IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY'RE HAVING SEX.
BUT THE LAWYERS THERE IN THE LOWER RIGHT.
ACTUALLY A VIRTUAL COURT HEARING.
I MEAN, LOOK, I THINK IT'S A GIVEN HAD A WE ALL ENJOY HAVING
SEX.
BUT SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO GO, BABE, I'M IN COURT RIGHT NOW, I
CAN'T -- I CAN'T -- SORRY, I'M GOING TO MUTE ONE MINUTE.
I CAN'T, I'M IN COURT!
YEAH, I'M BACK, GUYS.
WHAT -- ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE GOING.
THE JUDGE SAID, ALL THE JUDGE SAID “ALL RISE” AND
THE LAWYER WAS LIKE, “WAY AHEAD OF YOU, MAN.”
(
GRAPHIC, BUT THE WOMAN HE WAS WITH SAID HE REALLY BELONGS IN
SMALL CLAIMS COURT.
(
HE WAS HAVING SEX DURING A VIRTUAL COURT HEARING.
IN THE LAWYER'S DEFENSE, HE WAS JUST TRYING TO HIT IT AND
ACQUIT IT.
(
MONO.
-- END OF THE MONO.