In this video, I am giving you gold. Just like in my favorite movie, Pirates of the
Caribbean Curse of the Black Pearl. I'm giving you a golden piece... of advice that allows you
to never risk losing a guy. Make sure you hit that subscribe button with the little
bell so you get the notifications. Download that first chapter of my book from the description
below and I'll see you right after this.
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I was sitting with a new client of mine recently, and she was telling me about a man that she'd
been on and off with for 10 years.10 full years they'd been on and off, never even having
had a relationship label, right? She said to me, "Mark, how do I get this guy to
commit? What do I need to do to actually get him to set a label with me, to commit to me?"
So before I tell you what I asked her, a little bit of a backstory. This client had met this man,
as I said 10 years earlier, back when she was in her late twenties, now, in her late thirties.
The interesting thing about this was that the meeting was predicted by a clairvoyant.
Before they met, she'd actually gone to a psychic a few months earlier, and that psychic
had told her the exact location and the exact name with this gentleman would come into her life.
A few months later, this client had met a guy with this name in this rough place, and
she went destiny. This one had fate written all over it, right? So my next question to
her was, "Well, you say you want this guy to commit, have you ever thought, "Do I want to
commit to him? Is this the type of guy that I'd actually want to commit to after 10 years
of this?" And she said, "You know what, Mark, on my good days, I actually do think like
that." She said, "You know, he's controlling, even though we've never been in a relationship.
He doesn't do public displays of affection. He's clearly a commitment-phobe,
and he smokes weed almost every day. So I said, "Right, you telling me this guy is commitment
phobic, refuses to show your affection in public, has controlling tendencies even when
you're not together, and is an addict."
She looked kind of glum and she said yes. She said, "Yes, he has improved over the last
six months. You know, he's met a few of my family members. I know it's not great." I said,
"Well, have you had these conversations with him? And she said, "Look, I feel like we're
not even together. It's not on me to tell him how to live his life. It's not on me to
tell him to give up weed for example." And I said, "You know what? That's a fair call.
You're not with him, you can't tell him how to live his life." But I said, "It doesn't explain
why you haven't had the conversation about what you're willing to accept into your life
about what you're willing to filter in and what you're willing to walk away from." And
she said, "No, I haven't had that conversation." And I said, "Why not?"
She said, "Well, it's a tough conversation, and you know, I didn't want to risk losing
the guy. I never wanna risk losing him." Never a truer words spoken. For close to 10 years,
this client had avoided having a conversation, a difficult conversation about this man's
addiction that might push him away. Ironically, she had achieved the goal that maybe you came
to this video looking for. She had never risked losing the guy and look what it led to - an
on and off relationship with a commitment phobic, controlling addict that couldn't even
show her affection in public. In Pirates of the Caribbean, when they take the golden piece
and achieve immortality, they find out that it comes at a big cost. Food turns to ash
in their mouths. The pleasure of life disappears. They can no longer feel because they've sold their souls.
This is a metaphor for what ends up happening if you take the golden piece and never risk
losing a guy. To never risk losing a guy, you have to sell your relationship soul. You
have to never have these difficult conversations. You have to forego your standards. You have
to take what you can get. Any piece of advice, any coach that tells you you can never risk
losing a guy is right. The problem is they're giving you gold from the Isla de Muerta. If
you want a fulfilling relationship, if you want to have your happily ever after, if you
want to meet the right person for you who meets your standards, you must risk losing
your guy. The more you run from this reality, and the more that you avoid risking losing
a guy, the more you're doing exactly what this client did. Taking gold from the Isla
de Muerta in exchange for shitty immortality. There is no way to have a fulfilling relationship
without standards, and there is no way to have standards without risk of loss.
Thus, there is no way to have a fulfilling relationship without risk of loss. If this
client had been brave enough to risk losing this guy 10 years ago, either he would have
got his act together and be a great partner for her the last nine years, or more
likely, he would have filtered himself out of her life, leaving her heart open and room
for a new, more powerful, more fulfilling love to come into it. So remember, if you
never want to risk losing a guy, you can do it. But don't forget where that golden piece
comes from. If you really want to never risk losing a guy, be careful what you wish for.
Well, that's the video. Thank you for watching! Let me know your thoughts, comments, questions
in the space below, or just talk about Pirates of the Caribbean. That's cool too, because
I love that movie. Don't forget to download the first chapter of the book as well. That
is available in the description below. Just hit the link to grab that one. Hit the subscribe
button with the little bell and of course the like button, and I'll see you in the next video very soon.
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