- Hello, this is Nick Offerman
and I'm doing the Wired Autocomplete Interview.
Why, why.
[laughing]
This probably gets typed in the most.
Why Nick Offerman?
Is Nick Offerman attractive?
Clearly.
Is Nick Offerman married?
Hell yeah, girl.
20 years.
Is Nick Offerman a ballet dancer?
Surprisingly, yes.
I had two semesters of ballet and I still got it.
Follow up question,
what is my favorite ballet I ever danced?
The third.
Is Nick Offerman anything like Ron Swanson?
Uh, sure.
He looks and sounds an awful lot like him.
Loves meat.
Loves making things with wood.
Loves scotch, particularly Lagavulin single malt
and he really gets randy for women
that look like Megan Mullally.
Is Nick Offerman show appropriate for kids?
Yeah.
If you're talking about my touring show
which I think is what they're asking.
If your kids are conservative,
they might get their feelings a little bit hurt.
When I intimate that they're indecent.
Is Nick Offerman really a woodworker?
Yes in fact.
I was a carpenter, then I became a scenery carpenter,
then I became a woodworker.
I still am.
Is Nick Offerman in Cats?
Is that a sex thing?
Is Nick Offerman Canadian?
No.
But thank you.
Take that as a compliment.
Is Nick Offerman left handed?
He is not.
Is Nick Offerman funny?
Sometimes.
Is Nick Offerman missing a tooth?
I have the teeth I have.
Let's leave it at that.
Is Nick Offerman a minister?
God damn right.
I am actually a minister.
I've married some people.
I'm registered with one of those cool online churches.
Not to brag.
What is Nick Offerman drinking?
Mainly water.
When I was younger, that would have been beer.
What does Nick Offerman look like now?
Is that a trick question?
This is a visual medium, right?
A lot like this.
I'm sorry, if you are vision impaired,
like a handsome-er George Clooney.
What does Nick Offerman drive?
I have two vehicles.
A sensible vehicle is an Audi that is for mileage
and safety and parking ability.
Then at my shop I have a Ford F-250 super duty diesel
which is for hauling pieces of trees.
What does Nick Offerman do for a living?
This.
What college, [mumbling],
what college did Nick Offerman go to?
The University of Illinois at Champagne Urbana.
Does Nick Offerman play a guitar?
He does.
He plays several.
Does Nick Offerman have tattoos?
He does, two.
One on each python.
One is a heart viney thing with a rose.
The rose looks kind of like lady parts.
It's called a Georgia O'Keefe rose
and it has a banner that says mater,
Latin for mother.
It's my pretentious mother tattoo.
The other one are these sort of Mississippi Indian band,
wrap around with an ankh right here
and that tattoo says I'm a very big fan
of the Red Hot Chili Peppers
right after Blood Sugar Sex Magick came out.
I stand by it.
Does Nick Offerman have siblings?
Yes, I have three.
Two sisters and a brother.
All magnificent creatures.
Does Nick Offerman have a podcast?
He does, it's called In Bed with Nick and Megan
and it's driven, it's the brain child
of Nick Offerman's wife, or me, I'm Nick Offerman.
My wife.
She thought of it.
I get to do it with her.
That makes Nick Offerman lucky.
Did Nick Offerman die?
No.
Why, why.
[laughing]
This probably gets typed in the most.
Why Nick Offerman?
Why Nick Offerman hates the internet.
Why anyone in their right mind hates the internet.
Have you seen it?
Why does Nick Offerman say fremulon?
My friend and hero, Mike Schur, who wrote
on Saturday Night Live, he wrote
on The Office, also plays Mose Schrute,
super fun fact,
created Parks and Rec, created Brooklyn Nine Nine.
When we were making Parks and Rec,
they were making their producer card
for Brooklyn Nine Nine for his company
called Fremulon.
He asked me to say Fremulon and it's the greatest compliment
I've ever received.
Why is Nick Offerman so popular?
There's no accounting for taste.
How Nick Offerman stays in character.
It's all in the breath.
How is Nick Offerman beard style?
I ask myself that every day.
How am Nick Offerman beard style?
I think that's improper grammar.
Beard style, Nick Offerman today am heavy stubble.
How did Nick Offerman become famous?
To the degree that he did,
by winning the actor lottery and being cast
in the role of Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation.
How to meet Nick Offerman.
Politely.
How did Nick Offerman meet Megan Mullally?
We met doing a play in Los Angeles
called the Berlin Circle by Chuck Mee.
Thank my lucky stars.
Chuck Mee is a cool absurdist writer.
He calls himself a collage writer
and has characters like Eric Honaker
and Megan played New York socialite Pamela Harriman
and it ended with the celebratory, everybody
gets together and sings the Beatles' All You Need Is Love
in German, [speaking in German] I believe
and the rest is history.
Put a ring on that.
Yeah.
Can Nick Offerman sing?
God damn right.
Can Nick Offerman actually play the saxophone?
Ah, hell yeah.
Can Nick Offerman break dance?
I don't know, can he?
Was Nick Offerman in the military?
No.
Has Nick Offerman hosted SNL?
No, Lorne.
Nick Offerman Freemason.
We met on the level, we parted on the square.
Nick Offerman Baywatch.
Almost.
Nick Offerman is my spirit animal.
I believe that is no longer a cool thing
to say politically.
Cultural appropriation from Native Americans
so now you have to say my inner beast,
please and thank you.
My inner beast, Tim Curry as Frank Furter
in Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Frank N. Furter.
Nick Offerman, Lord of the Rings.
Nick Offerman, quotes to live by.
Stick around, they're coming up any moment now.
Nick Offerman, shirts on making it.
Some are flannel by the Carhartt clothing company.
Some, the denim looking ones are made
by a cool company in Hartford, Connecticut, Hart and Co.
Check 'em out, their stuff is dope.
Nick Offerman yule log.
A brilliant idea by a young man
named David Philips.
I shoot commercials for Lagavulin Scotch.
One of them for Christmas is me
sitting by a roaring fireplace meant
to be put on the television to a company,
your office party, your family gathering,
as I sip scotch in a satisfying manner.
You're welcome.
Nick Offerman quotes about love.
Love is where it's at.
It all turns on affection.
I feel pretty, like that was pretty nice
and harmless and I'm surprised frankly,
you know, that there weren't any
like why don't we put Nick Offerman in prison.