Hey everyone,
this is Thomas here.
Today I am going to switch things up a bit,
and touch on a topic that is not necessarily
finance or investment related,
but I guarantee you it’s going to be
an interesting one,
I want to share how to let someone
understand and agree with your plan.
This is going to be useful to you
in building relationships,
no matter if this is between you and your clients,
your friends or your families.
Once you understand it,
it can become a powerful tool for others
to understand and commit to the agreement
Let’s get started.
As you guys probably know,
I do a lot of one-on-one consultation.
And one thing that is quite bothering me
is that some people will always reschedule
at the last minute or just no shows.
They went though the trouble to reserve
a time slot with me and they ditched.
So I always wonder is it because my message
is not clear or they have a more pressing matter?
And not too long ago,
I was attending a business event and
came across Dr. Neha Sangwan’s presentation.
And the topic is called
Unraveling unclear agreements,
and immediately I thought it would be interesting
to share this knowledge with other people.
Dr. Neha is an internal medicine physician,
international speaker,
and corporate communication expert.
She provides corporate leaders and
their team members with tools for clear,
effective communication.
Corporates that consult with her include
American Express and Google,
which makes it no surprise that she’s a regular
TED Talks speaker and share
how to accel under pressure.
If you are interested in finding out
more about her work,
I will provide a link down below.
What you and I will encounter every day,
and that is making agreements.
Small agreements like who you
want to spend your lunchtime with,
or something bigger like
who will you trust with your money?
So as long as you work with
or live with another person,
making agreements is something
that you cannot be avoid.
This is very important because the quality
of your agreement is going to determine
the quality of your relationships.
Cumulative choices around agreements
are going to contribute greatly around
the satisfaction you feel in your life.
And Dr.Neha breaks it down into
5 levels of agreement.
Let’s say you are about to ask the girl you
are dating to see the new Batman movie
“Hey Winnie,
do you want to go see the new movie
Batman this weekend?”
and Winnie responds
“Oh! I didn’t even know it’s out already!”
Do you think you guys have
an agreement right there?
That’s correct,
no you guys don’t have an agreement,
because all she did was simply acknowledge you,
but she hasn’t given you an answer
whether she wants to go or not.
Now what if she responds
“Oh! I’ve been dying to see
this movie since we last saw the trailer!”
Now Do you think you have an agreement?
Again,
Not really,
because all she did was showing some
positive interest,
but you guys still don’t have an agreement yet.
Now imagine if she responds this way instead
“Yes, I absolutely want to go see the movie
with you this weekend,
if I can get my assignment done.
Do you guys have an agreement now?
You think you got a date,
but Not quite.
This is a level 3 agreement,
and it’s called a qualified yes.
You might have encountered this
a lot throughout your life,
and a lot of people tend to respond this way,
because it gives them a backdoor out.
Winnie could easily say to you
three hours before the showtime
“Hey Thomas,
I couldn’t get my assignment done in time,
why don’t you go ahead with the movie
with someone else.”
If you think you have an agreement with her,
you are probably gonna feel fed up
and have a huge disappointment.
Now let’s continue with a level 4 example.
Winnie responds to you
“Yes, I do want to see it!.
Let’s do it”
Do we have an agreement?
To most people,
they would say yes this is
absolutely an agreement,
but not to Dr.Neha,
even though it’s a clear yes,
it doesn’t tell me where and when
you are going to see the movie,
Basically there are no details confirmed whatsoever.
Finally,
Winnie responds to you like this
“Yes, Thomas I would love to see it.
How about the 1pm show this Saturday
at Richmond Silvercity?
I buy popcorn and you buy tickets?”
Now do we have an agreement?
Yes, Finally!
This is the kind of agreement that
Dr.Neha is talking about,
because it has all the details confirmed,
and it’s very clear and has no ambiguity.
Now here is the big question,
you might be asking should we all aim
to achieve level 5 agreement in everything?
Does it mean only level 5 agreements
are good and the rest aren’t?
The answer is no.
There’s no right or wrong
levels of agreement actually,
as long as both people are at the same
level of agreement then things would go
smoothly and there will be no conflicts.
Conflicts and disappointments only arise when
two people are at different levels of agreement.
Think about the time when your mom yelled to you
“Go clean your room!”,
and you responded “Ok.”
Then 3 hours later when she found out your room
was still messy and she got really upset,
because you were actually giving her
a level 4 agreement,
when your mom was probably thinking
that was a level 5 agreement.
Think about the other time when you were at
a party and you were striking up
a conversation with someone you newly met.
You found out that you and her
are both interested in hiking,
and you suggested to her
“Oh, we should go hiking sometime.”
Your new friend responded
“Yea that would be fun.”
You guys both showed positive interest
and were at a level 2 agreement.
Whether or not you guys would actually
go for a hike someday is not important,
what’s important here is that you guys were
both at the same level of agreement,
and you guys will get along smoothly.
So this brings us to my next point,
what should you do if you notice you are at a
different level of agreement with someone?
Let’s use another movie example.
Say Ashley and Betty have lost contacts
for years and they just reconnected.
Ashley suggested to Betty that they should go
for this new movie and catch up this Saturday.
Betty responded
“Yea for sure,
as long as I can get someone
to watch the kids then I am in”.
So right away,
Ashley recognizes that Betty is at
a level 3 agreement and Ashley
like to have a level 5 commitment
How do you think Ashley should
proceed in her decision making?
In this case,
Ashley should ask herself
what she values in this agreement.
And it depends on the motive,
If she really wants to see this new movie
on the first weekend before other people,
then she should try to either
find another person to go with,
or go solo;
however,
if Ashley values to just connect with Betty,
then she can provide another option to Betty by saying
“How about I bring dinner over to you and that way
you don’t have to look for child care?”
By providing an alternative to Betty,
it will likely help close the gap between the
different levels of agreement between Ashley and Betty.
To sum it up,
when you recognize what level of agreement you got,
and then you realize the other person is
at a different level of agreement,
the way you move to quick and clear
decision making is by knowing
what you value about that agreement.
What matters beneath it,
what’s driving it,
and that’s how you will know.
And say if you some one that is
offering a product or services,
like a real estate agent or a coach
next time you know what product or service
your client values and
what goals they are trying to achieve,
and they are at a different level of agreement
from yours,
then you can ask the right questions
to bridge the gap.
Or at least this will help you
filter the unwanted prospects.
And this will also help you communicate
with your other half.
And again if you want to know more about being
better in communication and management,
I will leave Dr,Neha’s detail
in the description box below.
But before you leave,
you can give this video a thumbs up
and subscribe to my channel.
See, levels of agreement.
Alright, Thanks so much for watching!
This is Thomas,
And I will see you in the next video!