Second mark.
Thank you. It's rank, that board, innit? What is wrong?
Just take the tape off. You know, it's a really simple thing to do.
Just have it so you're not spreading disease.
They've written my name on it and my name looks like it's got Ebola.
And I feel like, looking at you, you look like you've got Ebola now.
The stress is giving the impression of gonorrhoea all over my body.
Yeah. Yeah, it's horrible.
Thanks, mate(!)
A lot of my sets, I will finish by singing opera.
Yeah. So, whether or not they like the... Same. Yeah.
Whether or not they find the first bit funny, they are going to leave
thinking I am Paul Potts from X Factor. Yeah.
Do you know how annoying that is for the person following you? I know.
You can't beat opera. No.
I did a gig. I am about to go on and, before me,
was the most beautiful piece of shadow puppet theatre I have
even seen in my life. There were people crying in the audience
and then I come on and go, "My kid's a prick."
Who gives a shit about that?
Your last show... Yeah.
..was it tragedy turned into comedy?
Yeah. Tragedy plus time. Yeah. Yeah. My sister died.
But an audience, as soon as you hear the word "death", they go...
SHE INHALES SHARPLY
I know. You can hear their sphincters, like, get smaller. Yeah.
But I like that. Yeah, I like that.
I think, you know, for me, the three best things
to hear for a comedian -
laughter, applause
and sphincters shutting.
That is like the Holy Trinity of audience responses.
My ritual isn't to watch a comedian... Yeah. ..it's to watch
someone smashing it in some other way.
So, I watch people like Michael Flatley - Feet of Flames
or Lord of the Dance. Yeah. I also watch Michael Jackson.
His Istanbul tour. Have you just Googled "Michael" and then just
watched...? I just like all Michaels. Yeah, yeah.
The other one I like is Michael Bolton.
I love Michael Bolton. I met Michael Ball...two nights ago! Right.
I met him through a mate of mine who runs a drag night.
I know lots of drag queens.
The night is called Sink The Pink. Jesus Christ.
Michael Ball said to him, "What does that mean?"
And then, Glynn explained what it meant
and Michael went, # Love, love changes everything. #
And I was like, "Yes, mate! You did your bit!"
So, I moved to London. Yeah.
I have been told my whole life that I was funny.
I was a fishmonger. I was funny whilst doing it.
How were you funny as a fishmonger? Oh, just talked to customers
and I was funny. I'd make jokes... Did you have cod banter and that?
Yeah! I did. I'd do a couple of puns. Yeah.
Some fish puns. Can you remember any of the puns?
Oh. Let's try and think of some now.
Eh, cod bless you. Cod bless you.
Yeah. Erm...
..haddow... Haddock and... I was trying to do a haddock.
Straight-fire fish crossover one.
Tilapia.
You've just said.. You've just said the name of a fish!
That's not a pun! That's not a pun!
Salmon! That's one!
SALMON Rushdie. There you go. I've done one without even thinking.
I was going to do Salmon Rushdie! No, you weren't!
I was going to say ruddy Salmon Rushdie! You weren't. I was!
I think you're looking back on your
fishmonger comedy with rose-tinted glasses!
Just you shouting out names of fish. "That was a good one, weren't it?!
"Cod!
"I just made that up. I'm full of banter. Me!"
How old's that woman? It's basically a pub landlady.
"Trout!"
That's another one.
"Cockles!"
SHE GIGGLES