- Hi, this is Marisa Peer
talking today about something really important.
Why you don't yet love yourself,
and how to change.
I worked with many, many people who have
no idea how to fall in love with themselves.
They've read a book that says love yourself,
but it doesn't really mean anything.
How do you love yourself?
Well first of all,
it is vital, essential, crucial
for you to love yourself.
If you want anyone to love you
and be with you
and stay with you,
they have to believe you're worth loving,
and if you attract someone by faking it and pretending,
they very quickly work out that
you don't think you're worth it,
then they didn't think you're worth it.
(upbeat music)
What I see so many people doing is this classic
mistake of trying to make someone else love them.
I'm gonna find this guy
and try to make him love me.
I'm gonna find this girl,
this woman, and try to make them love me.
I'm gonna run after love,
chase after love,
work so hard
or I'm gonna earn that love
of being super good
or super hot
or super nice
or super indispensable.
And that is all a mistake.
Love is not to be earned,
love is not to be worked for,
or run after
or bought
or even traded,
and if you want to find love,
there's one thing you have to change,
it is not your body,
it's not your weight,
your shape, your size, the years on your birth certificate,
nothing has to be snipped off
or injected in to make you feel lovable.
Nothing has to be bought,
added, taken away.
The only thing you need to find love
is a belief that you are lovable.
People love you to the degree that
they think you're worthy of being loved.
We all know that story,
I couldn't find a partner,
I was in an emotional wasteland,
a relationship wasteland for four years.
I've met someone,
and how weird,
in that same month,
three other people asked me out.
That's because when someone loves you and goes,
hey, I just called to hear your voice,
I just rang your answering machine just to hear your voice,
I just was looking at your picture,
I just checked in to say,
you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
We think, oh, I'm so lovable now.
When we feel lovable,
other people also notice that we are lovable.
But here's the mistake we make,
we go to someone,
hey, could you make me feel lovable,
could you?
Could you make me believe I'm worth loving,
could you love me?
Could you meet my unmet need to feel lovable,
to feel desirable, to feel worthy.
Someone will go,
yeah, of course.
You want me to love you?
I'll sign up for that,
I can make you feel lovable,
desirable, sexy, worth being with,
but the problem is when you give someone
the job of making you feel lovable,
you also give them the job
of removing that whenever they want to.
They may turn up for a week,
a year, five years,
but if they're job is to make you feel good about you,
the other side of that coin is when they leave,
you feel bad about you.
Oh, I'm not lovable after all,
that person that loved me
found someone younger,
taller, nicer, smarter.
The only person who can make you
feel really good about you is you.
You must fall in love with yourself.
Of course you can find love,
attract love, maintain love,
but the other person can only make you feel
as lovable as you already know that you are.
So you have to fall in love with you.
And once you do that,
it's a game changer.
When you fall in love with yourself,
it's a lifelong romance.
It never bores you,
it never tyres you,
no shaving or waxing is involved
in order to fall in love with you,
so you don't have to dress up for it,
you can just be yourself.
And here's another truth,
you are going to spend the longest
relationship in your entire life with you.
You may have kids,
but you're 30 when you have them
and you may find love when you're 30,
but they didn't have those first.
Your parents may love you,
but they die before you.
The longest relationship you'll ever have
in your entire life is with yourself.
You might as well fall in love with yourself,
and by the way,
if you think, oh, I've got friends who need to hear this,
like, share, sign up.
Help other people understand
that in order to attract love,
you have to feel lovable.
Now, I can hear the question,
yeah okay, but how, how, how?
Well, it's very easy.
First of all,
you think of what would someone
who would love you say to you?
Imagine you got the best lover in the world.
What would they say?
Well, you know what they'd say.
Hey, I just like the very bones of you,
I'm in love with your soul,
I just love you,
you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
What do all those songs go?
I can't live without you,
you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
So say it to yourself,
think of what you most want to hear and say it.
Hey, I love you,
I'm in love with you,
you're amazing. Every time you go past the room I go,
there you are, look at you,
you beautiful creature,
look at you, you are lovable.
You're kind, you're warm,
you're nice, you're funny,
you got a big heart.
Say everything you long to hear
and dream of hearing to yourself.
When you say it,
your mind doesn't go,
who's saying that?
Who's saying that?
It goes, oh, you're saying?
Well, if you say it, it must be true.
Your mind knows someone else go,
hey, I love you so much,
can you lend me $20?
Your mind understands other people
can manipulate with you praise.
If you say it,
it must be true.
If you say I love myself
or I can't love myself,
I've got fat legs,
it must be true.
So think about the words you most want to hear.
Say them and say them and say them.
And just like putting lotion on dry skin,
the will sink in and nourish you from the inside out.
Nourish your soul with words the way
you nourish your chapped lips,
with Vaseline, and it will nourish you.
Look in the mirror and go,
I love you,
I love you because you're lovable.
Don't ever go I love you because you're smart,
'cause you're a size six,
because you earn a lot of money,
'cause you're a great dentist.
No.
I love you because you're lovable.
Say the words you've always wanted to hear,
fill up that missing part of you with your own words.
Nourish your soul and spirit with words.
Look in the mirror,
and say, I love you,
I know it feels silly,
but who cares.
If it brings to you lasting love,
isn't that worth it?
Believe you are lovable when you
know you are lovable just the way you are.
You allow the whole world to see that of course
you are lovable just the way you are.
And we live in a world that's been very unfair
and it's made us believe that only
perfect people find love,
but that's not true.
I love the fact that now,
especially in my country,
there are two girls with down syndrome who are models.
In America, there is a girl,
Aimee Mullins, who is missing her lower limbs
and she's a catwalk model,
married to Rupert Friend, a massive movie star.
There's a girl I believe her name
is Carmen Young Brown who has vitiligo impetigo
and is a Gap model,
and is extraordinary beautiful,
but not perfect.
And you see,
you don't have to be beautiful to find love,
you don't have to be perfect.
In my experience of 33 years,
people who try to be perfect
are always unhappy,
as they almost always are alone.
Supermodels get left,
beautiful people don't even get asked out
'cause people think,
well, no, they've got a perfect life.
Many of my clients who are models and rockstars say,
I'm lonely,
people don't ask me out,
I worked with a beautiful breathtaking model
who said,
all the men I date diminish me
and put me down
because they feel I'm too beautiful for them.
If beauty made you happy,
every beautiful person would be happy,
and we know what they're not.
We know that Whitney Houston,
extraordinary beautiful was unhappy.
Heath Ledger,
what a beautiful, beautiful man, was unhappy.
So if you want to feel lovable,
fall in love with yourself.
Nobody can do it like you can,
and when you fall in love with yourself, instead of saying,
oh, could you make me feel good,
could you make me feel good, could you make me feel good,
you go, well, I feel good,
I am good, I'm here, I'm lovable,
and if you wanna join in
and we can love each other,
that's great.
I love me,
and you can love me,
and I can love you,
and I hope you already love you
because I can only love what's already there.
I don't want a broken person
to try and put back together again.
Hurt people hurt people,
damaged people damage people.
You can stop from being hurt,
you can stop from being damaged.
And you heal your very soul
when you fall in love with yourself.
And by the way,
we all know that if a body builder
wants to make a muscle bigger,
they must break it,
rest it and build it up,
and a broken heart is just the same.
It's broken and then it builds up bigger and better then.
If you've had a broken heart,
then you have a big, beautiful heart.
Your scars make you more beautiful.
Allow yourself to find love by doing the one
thing that guarantees you'll find it,
know you're lovable,
know you're worth it,
fall in love with yourself.
It changes everything,
it really is a game changer.
Please like this,
please share this,
please sign up.
We are all looking for love
in all the wrong places
trying to make someone else love us when in fact,
loving ourselves is the beginning,
it's the answer,
it's everything.
Help everyone else find love,
find it yourself
and do something loving for your friends,
for your family,
for your co-workers.
Share this video.
Sign up,
share, like
and go to marisapeer.com
because we have an amazing product for you and for them,
finding and attracting love,
not for a day or a night or a week,
but for the rest of your long, lovable life.
Take it, use it,
whoever said love makes the world go round
knows what they're talking about,
and you can do that too.
Thanks for tuning in,
thanks for listening,
thanks for sharing
and liking and signing up.
See you very soon.