- Nicola, Zala, Thomas, it's me,
your second cousin was removed from America.
We have the same great grandparents,
I think.
- So what are you up to today?
- Well, I've got a very detailed itinerary.
- Well, that's real nice.
You know, I kind of just go with the flow.
- Whatever works for you, man.
- What's the first thing on your itinerary?
- Let's see, 10:00 AM, do whatever I want.
- That's really good.
- How about you?
What kind of mischief are you gonna get into?
- I'm not sure.
I'm just gonna go with the flow
with whatever my tour group is doing.
They've got everything planned out.
- That sounds awesome.
- Yeah. I can see myself living here.
It's got a laid back atmosphere,
low cost of living, big language barriers
so no one's gonna be able to talk to me.
I'm definitely adding this to the short list
of possible countries to move to
when I retire at the age of 40.
Ah, culture shock.
The people, the language, the strange customs,
a captivating world within a world.
Have you ever been to Timothy Hortons?
It is quite exotic.
(upbeat music)
Eh, pas mal.
Okay, I really do not wanna stand out as a tourist,
so I've gotta blend in, act natural,
just pretend I'm a local.
Oh, this artwork, I love it so much,
but of course, I've seen it many times before,
because I live here.
It's nothing new, it's not special to me,
it's just, it's like I see it every day
when I'm walking through here on my lunch break.
It's no biggie, really.
Fooled everybody.
♪ Picture book ♪
(upbeat music)
♪ Picture book ♪
I'm here strictly for business.
What? It's a business meal.
What? It's a business beach day.
What? It's a romantic business gondola ride.
So I just talked to my grandma,
and turns out, we're Slovenian, not Croatian.
So I made a little error there.
Still, it was very nice to meet you.
You mind if I use the restroom?
Where's the fun in buying something
if you can't haggle over how much it costs?
It just becomes this cold exchange.
I don't even want this shirt,
I just wanna go back and forth with a street vendor
and feel like I got the best price.
They do things right in this country.
International travel helps you
discover things about yourself.
Like, I discovered that whether I'm here or I'm at home,
Indian food does not sit well with me.
Like, my tummy isn't a great deal of pain right now.
For me, when I travel,
I don't wanna just be a tourist,
I wanna live like the locals do,
so I learned the language,
I met the towns folk,
I got a job at Massimo's Pastry shop.
He has the best cortados in Italy.
I met a local woman,
fell in love, got married, had three children,
got them baptized at the local church, and then I woke up.
I was so jet lagged, I crashed for like 16 hours.
Dude, so yesterday I see this cute local girl
standing out in front of a cafe,
she's making these eyes at me and I'm like,
"Okay, let's have an adventure."
So she takes me by the hand into the cafe
and leads me into the back room, right?
(laughs) But then, she disappears.
So I'm like, "What is happening?"
And then this real big dude comes out of freaking nowhere.
He stares me down, I stare right back.
He hands me a package.
I say, "What's this?"
He says, "Take this back across town to this address."
I say, "What do I look like? The the FedEx guy?"
He says, "Ha ha, don't play with me, dude."
I say, "Look, I don't know what's in here."
He says, "Oatmeal."
I say, "Oatmeal?"
He says, "Yes. Now shut up and go."
I say, "Where'd that girl go?"
He says, "That's my mother."
I'm like, "What? No way. You're at least 35."
He's like, "Sir, I just turned 12 yesterday."
I said, "Well, happy belated birthday,"
then he says, "Here are millions of people living lives
"on the other side of the earth
"from my little bubble of reality.
"Their lives are rich and complex and meaningful,
"but they're nothing more than extras
"in the movie of my life.
"And I'm nothing more than an extra in their lives,
"an extra who soaked himself with a high-tech bidet toilet
"because I didn't know what the buttons did
"and I couldn't figure out how to shut it off."
The people here are way less friendly
than they are back home, and I appreciate that.
I don't need the server at a restaurant
asking me if I'm okay every five minutes.
Believe me, I'll let you know if I'm not okay,
just leave me alone.
I've seen this place my whole life in photos and movies
and now here it is right in front of me.
I feel like I should be feeling more feelings right now
than I'm feeling.
I mean, it's like, yep, there it is,
that's what I thought it would look like.
It's a building. Yeah.
Why do I have to ruin everything?
You all have been so kind to me,
inviting me to stay for dinner
when I'm not even in the right country.
You know what?
I don't care what grandma says.
In my book, you are my family.
Bring it in.
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ (upbeat music)