Around the age of 3, children start to understand more about the world
around them. They're more independent. They start to talk in sentences. They get
better at expressing their feelings and their fears. For example, they may be
afraid of the dark. Encourage your child to express feelings. Respect what your
child feels, thinks and says. This is how you can strengthen your relationship
with your child.
Teacher your child some words to express feelings. Tell your child how you feel
when you're happy, sad, mad or worried. Help your child through everyday challenges.
Your child will learn that they can trust you and that their world is a safe
place. "I know you are upset because you lost but it's ok to lose sometimes"
If a parent makes fun of a child's fears and feelings the child will stop sharing
them. This can damage the parent-child relationship. Shaming a child has the
same effect. Three year olds and their parents' help to deal with emotions. They
need to be comforted, not isolated. This will help them develop empathy for
others too. So by the time your child reaches the age of three here she is
becoming more autonomous. They are better able to express their needs but also
beginning to be able to actually meet some of their own needs. So their
language has improved significantly they have many many many more words. They're
also beginning to understand the concept of rules and limit setting and how
that is used in terms of relationships with their peers etc. on the
playground at daycare or preschool. One of the words that many parents of three
year olds will often hear is the word "NO". You know I need you to do this "no". I
need you to do that "no".
When you need your child to move on to another activity or behave certain
way rather than just being very directive about it you want to turn this
into a conversation.
Will you clean up your room now would be a no question to me. What a parent might
want to do is say what are some of the things that we have to do today to tidy
up the house. And now we're making a list, we need to tidy up the basement, we need
to tidy up our bedrooms, we need to tidy up the recreation room. So now you're having a
conversation. What should we start with first? Should we do it together? What part
of the house do you think you can deal with on your own? Do you think you could
do your room on your own? So it's a much longer conversation rather than just a
directive to a child. Many three year olds will experience their first
separation from you as a parent because maybe they're going to a preschool
program or soccer program or it may be as simple as they're gonna be
having an overnight at grandpa and grandma's house. So you want let your
three-year-old know well in advance of what's going to be happening. You want to
reassure them that you're going to be coming back but you also want to
reassure them about who's going to be with them while you're away. What you
don't want to do is be sneaking away because what that does for a young child
is make them feel very insecure. When is she gonna sneak away next. They actually
are on alert worried and spend far too much time then worried about is that
going to happen again. Is she gonna sneak away again from me? If you can
visit where they're going to go in advance that's great so for instance for
preschool program if you can walk over to it and peek through the windows so they
can get a chance to see it. And then if there's a way for them to have a friend
to join them. If they are being signed up for a soccer program is there another child
from the neighborhood who might also be registered who your child is familiar
with so now there's somebody else there that they know. Getting children to
actually change your move on to a different activity or different you know
focus during the course of the day can sometimes be difficult especially when
kids are really engaged in what they're doing.
First and foremost let kids know in advance, don't walk into the room and say
oh time to clean up we've got to move on to the next activity. Instead give them
maybe even two or three time warning. So give them a 15 minute warning maybe a
ten minute maybe a five minute. So you're letting them know in advance that this
is going to be coming to an end. But also you want to know what it's going to be
replaced with. We need to clean this up and finish up because we're going to be
doing this next. So you're giving them a sense of what is going to happen in
their day next. That helps, that helps them to feel secure, it helps them to feel like
they have a little bit of control over what's going on because now they can
have a conversation with you about it. Let's take a look at how this dad gets
his child to tidy up his toys.
"Hey buddy, we are going to clean these blocks up and you, me will do it together ok and maybe Allison can help too and then we can do something else. Let's clean up these box." "I'll get the bag, I'll get this one and put that one in, can get the blue one in"
So I loved this, Hudson i think is his name and he's basically
pretending like he doesn't hear dad tell him that it's time to tidy up so he's
just very focused on what he's doing and dad remains very very calm but again
tries the different way to engage Hudson in the task that needs to be
completed. "That's yellow in the bag, that's blue in the bag". I think it's really important to note that Hudson's dad is
actually with him and actively engaged in the task this isn't a parent who's
walked into the room and said you need to tidy up this is a parent his right on
the floor he's with his kids and he is actively participating in the task that's need to be
done and because of that he's actually been able to get both of the kids to
actively engage in this tidying up and by the end it's actually turned into a
really fun game for them and throughout this dad is also acknowledging, good job
good work thank you for doing so lots of positive reinforcement for the
positive behavior he seeing. Time out is something that we see parents using when
a child misbehaves and it really doesn't give a chance for a child to learn about
what it is that he's done wrong. So rather than using timeout I encourage
parents to use time in. So when your child misbehaves the first thing you
want to do is let them know that they need to stop the behavior right.
Then you want to be close to them to have that conversation about why this is
inappropriate. And the next piece is really key because you've told them to
stop you now have to give them some other options instead of doing that what
are some other things you could have done instead when you felt that way.
You want to start to build that foundation for thinking through, oh this
wasn't what I should have done these were other options right could have
chosen to take. So want to begin to have those conversations when misbehavior
happens. Let's talk for a minute about the use of physical force with children
as young as 3 and what it actually accomplishes. While physical force may
stop the behavior in the moment, so yes the child stops hitting another child,
or stops you know touching things he's not supposed to.
Is he actually learning anything from that experience? No he's not internalized
anything other than that. When I do this my parents only reaction is to hurt me.
Which is not the message that we want children to be walking away with. We want
them to learn about why was this wrong? What made it an appropriate? And what
could you have done instead of what you did. When children turn 3 this is a busy
time for you as a parent and for your child, they feel quite independent.
They're ready to run off and explore the world but they still need you to be
closed by. I'm going to encourage parents to continue having lots of good
conversations and to remember to still find time to actually play and be
engaged with your three-year-old. They still want to have that kind of time
with you.
Those moments when you're playing together are also wonderful times to talk
about what they're learning. What are the things that they're curious about?
Because now they're starting to ask a lot of why questions. Why is it like this?
How come this happens? So these are wonderful conversations for you to have with your
three-year-old any time during the day.
Three year olds are getting better at expressing their feelings. Encourage your
children to talk about their fears and emotions. Let them know it is normal to
have feelings and thoughts, and that you have them to. Help your children
understand the world around them to reduce their fears. Don't punish them or
make fun of them.
Punishment and embarrassment are hurtful and teach the child to do that to others.
Be gentle with them. They will see that you respect them and will gradually
learn to treat others the same way. With your three-year-old, always listen to
your child.
Teach your child words that express feelings. Explain to your child how
things work.
Be available when your child needs you. Do not make fun of your child. Do not
shame your child. Do not use sarcasm. Plan transitions and explain them. And try to
see the situation from your child's point of view.