It's Coffee time welcome back to the tech elite show now a few weeks ago
I
Revealed that my wife had left me which is all great and everything
But I didn't really go into many of the details
in fact
I mostly just talked about the money aspect
and I feel like I kind of left you guys on a little bit of a cliffhanger and wanted to go over some of the
other details more broadly in the hopes that my mistakes can be learnings for you and save your
Relationship either now or in some future. I think it's actually quite fascinating how a blissful marriage can just dissolve and turn into
Garbage and you know Warren Buffett once said that the most important decision you make in your life is who you choose to marry
Which is absolutely true. It is the foundation for your happiness when I look back
And think about all the savings that we had discounts deals coupons
Birthday presents Christmas holidays vacations time spent arguing with each other talking working things out in the hopes that we could save the relationship
literally thousands of hours spent
Wasted and all those gifts we exchanged all those coupons and deals we save
They just went to the lawyers right when I went to the lawyer and paid them five hundred dollars an hour
I
Just thought that was the money that we had saved when we decided not to eat out
When we decided to have a cheaper dinner when we saved on activities rejoice at Black Friday deals
Yeah, I'll just went to the lawyers in the end. We did have some good times some good memories, but
It's better to that's why I take my coffee black
So I'm not going to cover every single aspect, but I think it's interesting to look at one aspect of this story
Which I think can happen to anybody really so here's the story
I was working over at Google at the time and everything was okay going fairly smoothly and I decided to switch jobs over to Facebook
So we needed to relocate
Now here's where things get interesting in
The Bay Area housing is extremely expensive and my parents just so happened to have a house. Very nice
big one right near Facebook campus
maybe 20 minutes away or so and we had the dog and the child so we needed the place that we were very
Particular about because our child had allergies to other things carpeting for instance and for our dog Sunday
We need that the pet from the apartment is just extremely hard to find something like this
And so I thought my ex well, hey we can either go live in their crappy shoebox apartment
That probably could be a hazard for our child and could make our dog miserable or we could go live with our parents
We would save a lot of money here two four thousand dollars per month
Normally that we would have to pay in rent and I said well we could save that for any furniture you want like you're dreaming
about Padre Barn furniture we can save for that and the meanwhile
We can be looking for an actual house that we can buy or just for another apartment
It would just give us more time and you I never pressured her into this agreement
But she agreed and she thought it would might be fun to try it out
And at the time the relationships between everybody was great
My parents really welcomed her in now as you may guess what happened is in love relationships
They never seem to go quite as well as planned
I don't know why it could just be nature
But over the course of a few weeks my in-laws and my wife there just weren't getting along
They were rubbing each other the wrong way. They were perhaps trying to dominate each other and
Relationships really started to melt down there
I did not really notice it because I was so busy with my job doing my YouTube thing on the side
And so I just realized that people weren't getting along at all, which is a really hard position for me to be in
Now what's frustrating is at the time we were also looking into buying the house
So we became very desperate in our bidding
Like we would bid on houses that maybe completely burned down and then we'd say well, you know
We can just renovate it and you know, these are expensive houses in the bay area
we would bid beyond our range and say well maybe we can rent out half of the house and
Recover some of our costs that way it just didn't feel like these decisions were really that rational and meanwhile the apartment hunting
That just wasn't going so well we tried but we're quite picky and what we're looking for
not to make matters worse in my opinion my ex started making decisions that were not safe for our child because
Relationships were not good at home. She would take our son and just drive him around all day
It surprised me one day when I realized that as soon as I left for work
She left too
And then when I came back from work
She would come back a little bit later
And she would have been out the whole day with my kid and I just felt that that wasn't so safe
so I complained about this and
She decided that one day that she'll go over to Japan and she took my son over there and thought okay fine
They're gonna go on a little vacation trip while she was out
She actually told me that she would not come back until I could secure another place for her
So I began scrying and looking at houses that I could buy and we wanted to buy a house
But with this type of leverage in hand and the short timeline because I really wanted to see my son again
I decided to buy this apartment this place four thousand dollars a month now
That's way beyond my price range time used in our last apartment was
$2,800. So this was a big jump up by thought well, hey, maybe it's worth it
Right, maybe this consensus buy her over 12 months
It's essentially a fifty thousand dollar deal present for her and I thought that she would come back and she would be delighted
Unfortunately when she came back she was still embedded and angry at my parents and decided to cut my whole side of the family off
Which is okay?
Like I can I can try to work with that
but it became strange when she started inviting her side of the family over she would invite her mother over and then we would be
Doing vacation trips and just started not feeling really fair and I realize in-laws don't have the best relationships. That's fine
I'm not asking for anybody to be passed by these here
But I think that people need to have some workable relationship at least be on talking terms here now
There are some people who would cut off their in-laws
Which I wouldn't really recommend, you know, I think people should just be happy and love each other
You know life is so short as it is and everybody is suffering. So like just make it a better place
But besides the emotional hurt it causes from taking away. Somebody's grandchild. There are also issues with wealth management
Inheritance. So since my ex-wife decided to cut off my parents and coincidentally at the same time
My parents were setting up a living trust and which funds would go through me and into her
I asked my ex-wife what we should do about the inheritance and
It's pretty sizable because my parents are they've done well in their life as well
She actually said she didn't want any part of that inheritance. She wanted to be out of that
Well that required me to start looking into said they have like a living trust
Which is just another complete hassle and pain to get through not to mention. I do not personally like the idea of
Like let's say I suddenly died
all of my assets will probably just
Disappear and go into Japan my ex-wife and our son
She would just take him into Japan and they would never see or talk to my family ever again
they would just disappear into that Land of the Rising Sun which
It's okay kind of but it's also not quite the legacy that I had in mind, right?
It's not really the cause that I have been trying to support. It doesn't represent what I live for. I
Really value family and relationships and I wish people would just get along with that
So that's not personally at the type of legacy that I would enjoy
Besides that there are a number of tax benefits you can get number one if you didn't know in
An inheritance event all cost faces get stepped up
So if your parents have like a house that appreciate that a lot in value
Normally, they would have to pay a lot of capital gains on that if you inherit any asset like that
And they can be stocks as well that may have appreciated a lot
Then the cost basis gets stepped up such that you will pay no taxes on that
But the only way to take advantage of this though is that you need to have good
relationships with your parents in which they will leave you something what we're talking about here is
intergenerational wealth which is funny
That's a term that I think
Many young people do not care about or think about maybe because they're poor or their parents are poor or so
They don't think about it
But once you start having some assets
it's something that you think about and care about a little bit like all the work that you put in over your lifetime and that
Your parents put in over their lifetimes. It should flow into a cause that you think is worthy
And yeah, I see a lot of young people today. They're so immature
They're going around trashing their parents their in-laws burning those bridges
anyways
What happens here is that these my events they can start to pile up snowball up over time until they become this
huge boulder that can just steamroll your relationship
I would try to get my ex-wife to just try to get along with my parents. Just be on speaking terms
Just talk about the weather or something meet for half an hour once a month or something
There's just nothing I could do to convince her to do that
And this is where my success actually seemed to make things worse because I would try offering her fancy dinners jewelry presents
Nothing would change her mind and I want to clarify that in the relationship
I don't feel that there was any malice or ill will simply people weren't getting along because there were differences in communication
Style and values as well beyond that there were so many other
misunderstandings that building up over time
Being the non-confrontational person that she is she doesn't really communicate much
She doesn't talk that much and then she would come and explode at me and any time
I tried to explain any of this she view of any explanation as like an argument and that's things built up
She probably just got so fed up one day. I did not see this coming
She took my kid and just vanished went back to Japan. Maybe there were some other motivation
She had that. No she was talking to some guy on Facebook. I know that her mother's been sick
She may have just preferred Japan as well my overall
recommendation here for you
though is to try to take some time and
Talk things out with your partner and understand each other and I should note that this is it's extremely one-sided
It's just my view of things
But the purpose of this video is really not to make any judgment calls on who's right. Who's wrong? Who's good? Who's bad?
I hope to do is just illustrate how a marriage can collapse for those of you who may be wondering
Maybe you're young or naive enough to not really comprehend how a love that seems so enduring and strong can
collapse
So they'll do for me
Feel free to share the video with anybody who you think needs to see this
If you like the video give it a like and subscribe and I'll see you next time Thanks. Bye