hi
happy tuesday if you're watching this the day that i
upload this.
you want to come up?
this is my dog, his name is henry.
very cute right?
hopefully you subscribe, now that you've seen a dog
i know that that's kind of how this works these days
hope your tuesday has been going well so far
i know mine kind of hasn't.
this morning while i was making myself a bagel
i was cutting the bagel in half like this
while i was trying to do so i
sliced open my finger
sorry didn't mean to flip you off
it's not gonna focus but on this finger
i like literally sliced it open and blood was spurting
everywhere
It was absolutely tragic
ever since then my day has been going downhill it's just
been rough okay
but the bagel was good once i ate it you know the blood
it added a little bit of flavor to it so it was okay
i thought today would be fun if i told some of my
childhood stories
embarrassing, cringe, funny
embarrassing whatever just some of my childhood
stories most of these are embarrassing
but some of them are just
f*cking weird so okay
the first story is just f*cking embarrassing as hell it was
sophomore year so last year i was sitting in math
class
and it was like an independent study period
like we had the whole period to just work on whatever we wanted basically
I was sitting with my headphones in working on a math
packet being a good student you know
studious i was doing my work and i was listening
to some
boppin' ass tunes i don't even remember what i was
listening to
but all i know is it was good
all of a sudden i've
been sitting there listening to my music super loud in my
ears for like at least 15-20 minutes and i kind of like feel
eyes
On me and you know that feeling especially in class
that's like the last thing you want to deal with i feel eyes
on me
And i look up and i have my headphones in so i can't
hear anything i look around and everyone in the class is
looking
at me and i was like the fuck like i'm just sitting here
listening to my music everybody else is doing the same
like i
Don't know why we're having a problem here so i take off my headphones i'm like
did something happen and everyone's just laughing like kind of like chuckling at me and i'm like oh my god
what you know someone in the class was like oh you've been humming really loudly for like 15 minutes
At that moment okay my world was shattered oh?
My god i'm so embarrassed just thinking about it i had been subconsciously, humming to the music that i was listening
to so loudly in my ears for like 15 minutes and i just had no clue i
Hope that like you understand how embarrassing that is because i was so embarrassed for like
Three days afterwards like i just couldn't stop thinking about it because that's just so bad oh
God it's like painful we need to move on i literally can't talk about any more okay next story okay so i did competitive cheer for
A while there and i was super in it like i was super into it i really loved it and i wanted to get better
you know
i was on the grind
One of the main aspects of cheer is tumbling you know like doing flips and stuff and so i remember i had like tryouts coming?
Up or something like that for like the next season cuz cheer is like year-round so it's like there's literally a two-week period where you
don't have practice and then you start a new season there's like it's all year-round it never ends during this two-week period i was dying
to like practice and stuff because i was anxious because i wanted to be ready for tryouts there's this kind of thing that you can
go to called open gym which is basically where like you pay like
$5 or $10 or something and then you get to tumble as much as you want in the gym tumble stunt whatever you can just
Practice so my gym personally didn't do open gyms
And so i had been searching everywhere for an open gym so i was yelping and i was looking around online and i found this
gymnastics
place that did open gyms and it said online
Anyone's welcome and i was like oh dope i called them up and i was like hi like when's your open gym or whatever like
Can i come by and they're like yeah like our open gyms are friday's from 3 to 5 or whatever
Anyone's welcome or whatever at friday rolls around and i'm ready to go to this open gym right i'm excited because i need to tumble
I roll on over there like no
One's business i walk in and i look around and there's a bunch of moms and i'm like okay whatever maybe like the class just
Ended i don't know there's like a birthday party or something at the gym and like everybody's leaving
Before open gym starts so something i was like okay so i'm like waiting around and the moms are sticking around and the babies there's
Babies everywhere all of a sudden i realize i'm like okay so all these moms have kids
okay
so i walk up to the front desk and i
give
To her my $5 and i'm like oh like i'm here for the open gym and she was
this open gym is like mommy and me open gym so it's only for like moms and like toddlers under 4 years old
how did i miss that how did i like not realize that it was a mommy and me
open gym for like moms and their kids only i had when i called on the phone and
like when i looked online like how did that detail just like skip my
Head that's just i don't know okay moving on next story is probably my most embarrassing
Uh-hum In fifth grade i feel like i might have told this story like on a live stream or something before so if you've heard
It before i'm sorry but if you haven't
buckle your seat belt so everybody was like required to play an instrument in fifth grade whether it was like band orchestra
Whatever so i chose to do orchestra which was my first mistake and i played the cello
okay i was like maybe four foot six and
Like 50 pounds but i was playing the cello which is our second mistake but that's fine at the end of the year there's like
this big like
orchestra show all the kids come in and we have like a big
show
for the parents where we all like show what we've been learning all year and stuff like that and so you know me being the
Cello player aka the backbone of the orchestra you know i was pretty excited for this
that is complete sarcasm i hated
orchestra i literally quit after fifth grade and never played again i absolutely did not like it i literally would like fake play like i
Would hover like the bow over the like strings or whatever i wouldn't actually play is what i'm trying
To say and i'd like let everybody else who's sitting near me like kind of take my job anyways
So end of the year we have this big orchestra show of course i'm nervous because
i'm like umm i
suck at orchestra and like we have this huge show and if i fuck up i'm screwed like that's gonna be so embarrassing but then
not only that like i've never i actually
Haven't even played the cello at all this whole year i've literally been faking it this entire year but
now the
Parents are coming around and everything i should really try you know we perform i actually did it okay i did decent not too bad
you know
So the show's over and at the end the orchestra teacher said that he was gonna announce awards for like the you know most improved
like best overall team player shit like that and i'm 100%
sure that i will not be receiving one 100% sure it will not be me me and the teacher both know that um
Cello is not
for me so i knew that that was out of the question and so i was just chillin you know
The microphone to all the parents
okay sorry
in the microphone in front of all the parents and everything he says i'd like to have all the cello players stand up and i
Was like doh so i stand up but i look around and i'm like guys
why aren't you guys standing up and then i look in front of me and i see one other girl standing up who's also a
Cello player but we were the only two people standing up and i look
To the kid to my right who also plays cello and i was like why aren't you standing up it's all the cello players stand
up because like emma stick down i'm like what so i sit down and i'm like wait what's the issue here like he said all
cello players stand up i was standing up
You're the one who's in the wrong here and you should have stood up too you know he's like no?
emma
he was announcing the winner of most improved
and he called
Blanks name and told her to stand up i don't know where you heard all the cello players stand up he was just
Awarding this one girl for most improved so okay if that didn't make any sense to you basically what happened was in short he awarded
Some girl most improved i accidentally stood up with her in the entire school and all the parents were so confused as
to why i was standing up while this other girl was supposed to be getting the award it was quite confusing and upsetting this next
Story happened in about fourth grade i don't remember this isn't even embarrassing this is just weird as hell so we might dad used to
go to the library all the time he would like pick up books and i would like look at magazines and books
rarely books because i don't like reading also it was at the time when i had an ipod touch i don't think anybody's used an
ipod touch since like
2007 so like i'm not sure i don't know maybe i'm wrong so i had an ipod touch and obviously
To use an ipod touch and to use like apps and the internet and stuff you need wi-fi and the library had wi-fi but at
The time my house didn't even have wi-fi which is weird to think i went
To the library almost every night with my dad so one
day On the way to the library me my dad walked there my dad like stopped me he points over to a house
He's like look and i look on the ground and lo and behold
there is a crap like this big like a mini little crab just
Sitting on this person's front lawn and my dad is a lover of animals for sure and so he was like we can't just let
This crap stay here and die it's doomed if we don't save it so my dad was like okay here's what we're gonna do we're
Gonna take the crab with us to the library do our normal library routine and then after we're done with the library we'll take it
To the ocean or something and let it free my dad was carrying a little like tote bag
sort of thing with all of his books that he knew
To return in it and he decided to just put the crap in the back and we go to the library i'm looking at the
magazines and my dad's like in another area of the library and all of a sudden my dad comes up to me which never used
To happen we would just end up meeting up later it was never but he runs
to the kids section and finds me in like very nervous and like anxious and i'm like what's up what's going on
He's like emma
I lost the crab and i was like what do you mean you lost the crab she was like when i put my book down
it escaped
This is so weird i left the bag
somehow i don't know it's not in my bag anymore and that's like what we have to fucking find the crab it's running loose in
The library at the front of the library there's this huge counter with a bunch of?
librarians like lined up basically checking out people's books after looking for like literally
15 minutes we glanced over at that front counter thing with all the
Librarians a bunch of people waiting in line and nuzzled up against the counter was the little crowd there's people everywhere
and it's just like it's just kind of pressed up against the freaking counter how do you even explain this
To someone if they
See what's going on here okay imagine a dad and his daughter?
walking up to the front cutting everyone in line pushing everyone out of the way to pick up a crab off the ground and then
runs
Out of the store that's a little bit weird but we're like do you know what this is our only option here we're not just
Gonna leave the crab here in the freaking library where my dad runs to the front of the library
Slyly picks up the crab shoves it in the bag and we leave no one
actually saw the crab as far as we know but it was pretty wild what an experience of a lifetime
anyway long story short
we let it free in the ocean and it's probably doing great it probably is a family now if it's watching this right now i
hope you and the kids are doing well i miss you and i'm glad that i saved your life
okay
So next i'm going to talk about one of the crushes that i had in like elementary school i think so i had a really
big crush on this kid i'm not gonna obviously say his names i don't want to expose him he was just this cute little tan
Kid you know had a crush on him i don't know what else to say about it but i was like obsessed with him for
Sure and i was in love with him from like
Kindergarten to like fourth grade and it never ended i don't think the feeling was mutual but
What can you do his family was from hawaii and he was so cute he's like a surfer you know his whole house was like
decked out with like kind of beachy stuff you know you'd like some beachy house
decor i thought that was pretty cool i used to have these
pants that were the brand
Roxy and you know what you guys probably know what the brain roxy is it's like a surfer brand and i had like one pair
of pants from there and i was obsessed with these pants they were like capris that
Like got tight at the end i think this was either in first or second grade i thought it'd be a good idea to wear
these roxy pants to school
To impress my
beachy surfer friend slash crush we'll call him
christopher i don't know why i chose that name but anyways i was ready to freakin finesse this kid with my roxy pants at school
The next day and i normally didn't wear these to school
For some reason so like they've never been seen before i was ready for the big debut
So i wear these pants to school, and i am just being the most extra i can be trying, to like make
him notice that i'm wearing roxy pants you know he always wore quicksilver which is the brother brand
To roxy i'm pretty sure like i'm pretty sure they're like connected like quicksilver is like the boy version of roxy so he always wear
That brand so like i was like oh yeah like i'm about
To finesse him right now that he's gonna think i'm so dope the whole day was by i'm just trying
To like rub my pants in his face i'm like you know putting my leg on close to his head and it numbers good
But like i want him to notice my pants the end of the day rolls around it's like the last hour of school and i'm
like this has not noticed my pants yet and like i'm pissed so i decide that you know what i'm just gonna like i'm just
gonna be blunt with him and i'm just gonna tell him
Check out my fucking pants bro you're gonna like this and you're gonna like me after this so i'm like yo like christopher
check out my pants
roxy you know bg brand surfer girl that's me
I was like aren't these pants dope and like do you like me yet like are we like soul mates or what his?
he said nothing his eyes just got
Super big and he just like walked away i scared him away you know a few weeks later i was sitting next
to him in class and we had like a
storytime we basically just have this thing we're like people from the community would like come in and read us books like a firefighter policeman
librarian somebody would like come in once a week and like read us a cool
story that like related to their profession if that makes sense so
We have that like every friday so is friday a few weeks after this whole roxy pant incident happened i'm sitting next
To him because of course you best believe i should have all the witches out of the way and i sit next to his ass
Because you know got a crush like gotta like be close, to him at all times obviously
i'm a freaky bitch you know you know
We were sitting on the rug in the front of the class listening to the teacher i look over and i see him picking his
Nose do you know what in about 1st or 2nd grade that wasn't too out of whack you know that's pretty?
Expected nose picking was something that was the norm you know we were all used to it so i wasn't really too phased i ended
up seeing him you know picking his nose and then
putting it on a block like you know a building block like he just like wiped it onto a
building block and then like put it back into the pile i don't know
something about that kind of
Traumatized me in a relationship was never the same i still had crushes on him for like the next two and a half years about
But it just wasn't the same once you see something like that you know you're scarred for life
so the crush kind of lessened after that and i realized you know what he might not like your roxy pants but you've seen him
put his booger on a block so it's kind of even last but not least we're gonna be talking about me basically just being a
pussy this was also in
elementary school it was crazy hat day at school where we would all come in and wear crazy hats i used to really go all
out when it was fair days and i would really just deck my snout
I wouldn't hold back you know i would like go to the store and like
specifically buy things for spirit days and spirit weeks like i was into it you can only imagine
There's a lot on the way i wanted to live up to my other spirit day
Standards me and my mom go to target or the dollar store or something like that and just pick up a pic and pick out
A top hat and then buy a bunch of random to hot glue onto that hat so i bought this
bright gold top hat and i glued a bunch of shit all over it we spent hours on this hat and it was
dope it had like puff balls on it it had like glitter on it and had googly eyes on it it had pipe cleaners on
it it had shit all over it it was wet but to make the hat ten times better i was like do you want me
To do i'm
To hot glue a rubber duckie on top of the hat just to top it all off i stroll into school
I'm proud of the shit, me and my mom worked so hard on it and i was really
Emotionally attached to this hat it's rolling to school and i'm
Feeling like a savage i am getting endless amounts of attention for this hat i mean people are just
googling eyes over it and of course i was like yeah this is my fucking hat
god you know what i mean i was in love with it i love the attention but some of the rowdy boys in my class
started to get a little bit out of hand
they were so obsessed with this hat they just could not get their hands off of it
kept touching it and like trying to like pull things off of it and stuff and i was getting
hashtag pissed because i was like yeah i just spent like an hour and a half on this hat and you are getting your
grimy ass foger pickin ass
Hands on it and i'm not happy about it but i was like you know what i'm just gonna keep my cool it's fine?
It's whatever all of a sudden some bitch-ass boy has the nerve to pull the rubber duckie off the top of the hat now that
my friend was the final straw i burst into tears i was
bawling about this i was
So upset i spent hours on this hat and you have the nerve to come up here and take the rubber duckie off like you
Own the place no, no honey that's not how it works i was furious
So for the rest of the day i cried i did not stop crying i didn't go out
For recess i didn't do anything and eventually i had to go home because i was so upset that that kid hooked the rubber duckie
Off the top of my hat that i literally had to go home
I don't know it was really emotional for me
you know what i'm a sensitive kid okay
i have been forever and so that's just
an example of that
so i think that that's it for my story times
yeah i had fun if you want more story times in the future
give this video a thumbs up and subscribe
and comment down below anything that you want
i love you all
Appreciate you all
and i cannot wait to see you next time