- Hi, we're back in class.
- We are back to class. - We're back in class.
I don't know how my children do any of this without this.
I do not know. - It's tequila.
Our kids are going into fifth and eighth grade,
and it's a weird, weird year,
but we thought we would take a test to see
if we are smarter than fifth graders.
- Or eighth graders.
- And the answer for me is- - Maybe not.
- You think I'm not smart? - I said maybe not.
- Our producer has sent us these questions.
We've not seen the questions,
they're on this piece of paper.
And then the answers are really tiny in gray scale.
It's gonna be funny 'cause we're old
and we're not gonna be able to read them.
But here we go. First question.
- You need two and three quarters cups of flour
for one batch of rolls.
How much flour would you need for three batches of rolls?
- Two. Hold on.
- This is my specialty.
- Done. - Hold on, no.
- I was a teacher's pet in high school.
Ready? Here we go. - Three, two, one.
What is it? Eight and a quarter!
- Well here, let me double check.
Can you read that? - No. Eight and a quarter.
Okay. The next question.
Are trapezoids and parallelograms considered quadrilaterals?
I think, isn't a quadrilateral just like four sides.
Three, two, one.
Yes.
What is the capital of Nebraska?
Are you cheating? - Nope.
- Three, two, one.
What is 0.36 divided by six?
Is it.
- Ready? Here we go. - Is it?
Oh! I am, this is where I tap out, by the way.
I'm rocking some fifth grade math,
but this is it.
Let me tell you guys, I'm cute.
- Yep. - But math was not my friend.
The last one for fifth grade.
What kind of, okay.
What kind of organism is the last in every food chain?
- Got it. Nailed it. Ready?
One, two, three, tacos.
(laughing)
- What'd you say? - I said bacteria,
but that could be, no, it could be wrong.
What are you doing? I don't know.
It might be like amoeba. It might be a dinoflagellate.
The answer is- - He had a lot of girls.
- Oh, decomposers. So, (blows raspberry).
- Okay. - Which is a type of bacteria.
- Which is the type of taco.
- So we've graduated fifth grade with an,
- A! - No.
- Ish. - You get four out of five,
That's 80, that's a C.
- Eighth grade. Ready?
Simplify the expression.
7s + 2 + 8s minus, this is, um.
Okay, you already did it?
- I'm kind of, remember I was in math tutoring.
- So what does simplify mean?
- Who knows?
- I'm saying 15s + 10. You guys, seriously?
You can't see it,
but there's actually steam coming out of my head right now.
Three, two, one.
- Kim, there's two possible answers.
- Oh. - There's either 15s - 10.
- Minus. I said, plus 10.
- Oh, that's wrong.
'Cause see there's a minus 12 in front of it.
Or a 5 x 3s - 2 if you wanna use parentheses
and the PEMDAS method. Meh!
- 15s - 10. - That's right.
- So I was almost. - You were close.
So that's a tricky one is because you always have
to take the,
the signs in front of the numbers with you.
So that's a minus 12 instead of a plus 12.
It's okay, you're so smart at so many things.
- What is Baptista Minola's daughter's names
from Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew"?
Three, two one. - What's yours?
- Thelma and Louise.
- Actually honey, it's Rowena and Cardi B.
That's the answer.
- Kate and Bianca. - Really?
- Okay. Number three.
- Oh, we're back to math. - Why?
A six-sided die is is rolled once.
What is the probability that the number rolled
is an even number greater than two?
- Okay.
This is logic, you're gonna get this.
- So one out of six, but then it's one out of three.
Oh my god. Did you just fart? - Hmm.
- You just- - We're back in school,
like that's- - You just lifted your cheeks.
You lit, why do you have to like lift it up?
- Because otherwise it's like a wet pancake
on the bottom of your chair.
- So it's like one out of six and then actually
it's just one out of,
two out of, two out of six, so 1/3,
what probability point. I don't know.
87. - You were there!
- What is it? - Honey, like you were there.
It's one out of three.
- Oh one out of there. - Yeah so it's,
you said it, - I was there.
- And then you did that thing where you just give up on math
and you wrote a random number.
- I'm an adult. - I don't need to know
this stuff. - I don't need to know this.
- I have a mortgage.
- How many neutrons are present in one atom of chlorine?
(crickets chirping)
Do you hear the crickets?
- Hmm. - Mm hmm.
- Is that like, if there's a certain number of neutrons,
you have to close the pool because.
(laughing)
- Ready? - Yep.
- One, two, I think three.
- I'm just guessing the chlorine's atomic number is 34.
- 18. - Ah!
- Oh, this is from "Diehard," I think.
- Pump A can fill a tank of water in five hours.
That's "Diehard"?
- Well there was that scene where they're,
"Diehard 3," when Samuel L. Jackson and Bruce Willis
were trying to fill the pump with exactly
two gallons of water.
- At pump A, - It's "Diehard"!
- Can fill a tank of water in five hours.
Pump B can fill the same tank in eight hours.
How long does it take the two pumps working together
to fill the tank?
- Okay, we're gonna need a second here.
- Hold on. Do you know what my version of hell is?
- Math. - It's math word problems.
Pump A can fill a tank of water in five hours.
Pump B can. Do you know what I'd rather do than do this?
Like walk across a room of Legos.
Okay? Can fill a tank in five hours, and in eight hours.
How long to fill, how many, how much is in the tank?
How much is in the tank?
- What are you doing?
- No, I just want to know how much is in,
like how big is the tank?
- I have a guess but it's wrong,
my guess is three hours, but it's a guess.
- I'm saying- - It's my,
my nerd brain says three hours and 15 minutes,
but I feel like I'm getting that wrong.
- I say 3-ish. - You just, hey,
you took that from me!
- No, no, no, - First of all-
- No, I had four, but it was really like 3-ish.
- All right, then I'm gonna say three hours and 15 minutes.
Three hours, five minutes.
- How did you figure that out?
I got it wrong! I said 15.
I knew that it was gonna be around three.
I did not do an equation, I guessed.
And you shouldn't guess
with math. - Yeah, I did.
Guessing in math,
usually you get a big X. - I did guess.
- You got that one wrong,
- That one wrong. - We got that one wrong.
But this one, no you got that one wrong.
And this one you got,
- Wrong. - Wrong.
But the last one, - I got wrong.
You got wrong, so you got,
- I failed. - Okay, see what,
I only got one.
I only got two.
- Hey guys. - (burps) Eighth grade,
it's what it was, just a lot of bodily noises.
- Did you have a girlfriend in eighth grade?
No. (burps) - Shocking.
- Going back, I was pretty busy with my synthesizers.
- Thanks for watching.
Good luck to all the students out there
that are starting school right now.
- Yeah. - Did you just do an air kiss?
Did you just do- - Isn't that? No.
- To little kids? - Sorry, try it again.
- Thanks for watching guys.
(laughs) Better.
To all the students and teachers who are starting out there,
I admire you.
Math is cool. Math is fun.
Math is amazing. And I love it.
- I'm gonna be mad that I didn't figure out the equation
for the tank for a long time.
- He's gonna be busy with this and,
Thanks for watching. - Bruce Willis
and Samuel L. Jackson are very - Happy back to school.
- Upset with me. - This is a weird, weird year.
- Yeah. - But we love you.
- Coffee. - It's tequila.