- They say, once you go black, you never go back.
Damn, I know that made Mariah laugh.
- [Audience] Oh! - Okay.
You know what?
- Aye, time out.
You was laughing at me being short.
After that divorce, I don't know how he seemed so chill.
'Cause that marriage was so short,
it makes me look like Shaquille O'Neal.
- [Audience] Oh! (bell dings)
(audience cheers)
- [Nick] Yo, DJ D-Wrek, take some control.
- And let's talk about that watch he got on.
It went from your arm and your arm to that wrist.
Aye yo Neeve, it's crazy.
Now jewelry is even getting catfished.
- [Audience] Oh! (bell dings)
- [DC] He went crazy.
- Hold on. And Bow Wow, come here real quick, man.
Bow Wow, how you let Hendrix take all your girlfriends?
- Because I don't let him (beep).
- Really? Maybe because they see you a loser.
I think all your exes are psychic
by the way they keep seeing the future.
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
He took the first one, made a pit stop.
The second one made you leave hip hop.
He must have been talking about you when he said
I just hit your girl with some Gucci flip flops.
- [Audience] Oh! - Oh lord!
Bow, oh, he dead.
(hip music)
- ♪ Okay, that was fresh and all ♪
♪ But let me tell you something about big Snoop Dogg ♪
♪ I can look so fresh and so clean and so sack ♪
♪ But let me tell you about your rap is straight whack ♪
♪ You can't get it and you don't do it ♪
♪ I'm supposed to do two boys ♪
♪ But I'm about to ruin your day ♪
♪ Wild N Out, the platinum crew, ♪
♪ We came to get you and you and you too. ♪
- [Audience] Oh! (bell dings)
(audience cheers)
- Boy, if you get your Sisqo looking ass,
(beep) wrong with you!
(DC screams)
Cut that (beep) off.
Hell nah! Justina, you ain't finna go at my team.
I can't believe you did this.
Your (beep) like the underground Atlanta,
'cause everything down there going outta business.
(audience cheers) (bell dings)
- Hey, well, DC, I'm the bomb, baby.
You need that spark.
Your booty (beep) as wide as Piedmont Park.
(audience laughs) (buzzer buzzes)
- Shoulda got some ass shots
and I'm gonna knock at the door.
Look at your nose (beep),
it's not even yours.
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
She only can breathe out the left side.
'Cause I knocked the (beep) up on the right.
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
(DC screams)
- DC, you don't want that smoke.
Every day you doing (Justina screams)
cause you ain't got no joke.
- I do got a joke.
You just gotta listen.
You probably can't hear me cause your voice keep
(DC mimics grinder)
(audience laughs)
(bell dings) (air horn blares)
(DC screams) (audience cheers)
I am Nicholas's thoughts.
(DC screams)
(audience laughs)
You do got a little stupid ass sweat suit, Nick.
(DC laughs)
(Beep) that! Why your ass look like Jack Long
on American Dragon stupid ass.
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
(audience cheers) (DC screams)
- Hey. - I don't want you.
I want fat boy.
Hey, I want fat boy.
Here we go.
Now Big Boy, I don't wanna sound like no hater
but when I Googled your name, guess what came up?
A refrigerator. - [Audience] Oh!
(buzzer buzzes) - Hey Nick, I know,
hold up man, let me get it out.
I wasn't done. - No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no. - Go, go ahead.
- Okay, okay. - Go ahead.
- Alright, try to come at me.
(DC screams)
Yeah, it might be big, but I'm still the man though.
If I'm the refrigerator,
(beep) you the handle.
- [Audience] Oh! (bell dings)
- What you laughing at, big-headed little girl.
I'll roast your ass. (audience cheers)
- That's my little brother y'all.
My blood brother.
He wanted to be something with his life and look at him,
he a college graduate.
Now he on the show.
- Remember all that stuff he was telling me
about Los at the crib?
So we gonna get to the bottom of this, bro.
We about to find out right now.
- Big ass shoes.
(audience laughs)
- I'm on your team, I'm sorry.
- Man, leave me alone. Aight.
(audience laughs)
- The (beep) shoes, man.
(audience laughs)
- I said they call 'em big stars.
- Cannons got big feet.
- Anyway, I'm trying to ask your man some
very important questions right now.
- Let your shoes ask 'em. Get it out.
(audience laughs)
(DC screams)
- Order in this court, please DJ D-Wrek.
- He wants the shoes, nothing but the shoes.
(audience laughs)
- What up, B?
(woman rolls tongue)
Talk your (beep).
- I'm trying to tell you.
- Talk your (beep).
Talk your (beep).
- Oh hell nah! - Talk it!
Talk it D! - Hell nah!
(DC screams)
(Beep) put her titties in my hand!
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
(DC screams)
- ♪ I don't (beep) with that ♪
♪ Only thots be wearing the bucket hats ♪
(buzzer buzzes)
I just wanna bait him in.
- ♪ Oh (beep) on my (beep) list ♪
♪ Put my (beep) on your dress like a picnic ♪
(bell dings)
(DC screams)
- ♪ Look, DC, you my guy, ♪
♪ But I still got that bark at you ♪
♪ Dress like some left over barbecue ♪
(bell dings)
- ♪ Barbecue? Please, don't lie ♪
♪ Your hair look like curly fries. ♪
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
- ♪ That's true ♪
♪ But I still look better than you ♪
♪ Wilty ass (beep) ♪ - Oh.
- ♪ Big feet ass (beep) ♪
- [DC] Oh (beep).
- ♪ Don't want smoke ♪
♪ Yous a joke oh (beep). Oh. ♪
- ♪ I got one that's colder ♪
♪ You have big ass shoulders ♪
(bell dings)
- Hold on. (DC screams)
(audience laughs)
- Do the DC Fly.
(woman mimics DC's scream) (audience laughs)
(bell dings)
(audience chants) (hip hop music)
- Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
(bell dings)
(audience cheers) (DC screams)
(audience laughs)
- You went with all these (beep).
(audience laughs) (DC screams)
(bell dings)
- Your next scene is at the last supper.
- Y'all boys straight on that gat?
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
- Your next scene is on the unemployment line.
(audience laughs)
- Y'all straight on that gat?
- Your scene is in a blizzard.
- I know that blizzard about to hit,
y'all straight on that gat?
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
- On a college campus.
- Hey. (audience laughs)
Y'all boys straight on that gat?
(bell dings)
Got that gat.
- Your next scene is in the apocalypse.
- Hell no I ain't died. Boy, I'm still alive.
Y'all straight on that gat?
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
- You scene is Atlanta.
(audience cheers)
- Hell nah, man,
I told them folks ain't nothing going on.
Ain't nothing wild.
Ain't nothing. Everything gotta go through me, on my own.
Yeah, you tell 'em that.
Y'all straight on that gat?
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
(audience cheers)
- Hey Nick, remember the other day
when I asked you about your team
and who was real?
Keep the water in your mouth
if you think Justina is real.
- [Audience] Yeah!
- Okay, cool. Keep the water in your mouth
if you think D-Simone is real.
(audience cheers)
Okay, Top Notch, come here, baby.
Come here real quick, please.
Come here. Look at this, Nick.
I want you to keep the water in your mouth
if you think everything about this is real.
Alright, go ahead, he dissin'.
You see Nick, this is my whole thing.
(audience cheers) (bell dings)
- ♪ This is Atlanta the home of black show biz ♪
♪ But what I didn't know is that ♪
♪ Out here dudes be wearing wigs ♪
(audience cheers) (bell dings)
- ♪ At the family reunion ♪
♪ Who we introducing ♪
- ♪ This my cousin here and her lashes are killer ♪
♪ But hold on, wait a minute ♪
♪ On your eye it's a caterpillar ♪
- [All] ♪ At the family reunion ♪
♪ Who we introducing ♪
(bell dings repeatedly)
(audience laughs)
(DC screams)
(audience laughs)
- Damn, you okay?
- No, I'm good, I didn't feel anything.
(audience laughs)
- Damn!
(audience laughs)
- You good?
- What's up, bro? You aight?
- Why your skinny (beep) keep getting up there before me?
(audience laughs)
- Oh! (audience laughs)
- (Beep)!
(audience laughs) Damn (beep)!
- Your answer is, you're too old to be afraid of this.
- Oh my God.
(audience laughs)
(bell dings repeatedly)
- Oh yo, DJ D-Wrek. - [D-Wrek] Yeah.
- Cut the beat.
(air horn sounds)
- Shut up! Shut up! No!
- Talk your (beep) little head.
(audience laughs)
- Your career never took off.
Literally, it stayed the same.
- [DC] Yeah. - How you on season 15,
wearing season one chains.
(bell dings) - Hold on! Hold on!
- No! Shut up!
(audience laughs)
Coincided, you is not that dude.
You grown ass boy with crayola tattoos.
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
- Can I go now?
- No!
Shut up! (everyone laughs)
It's new school day!
That's all I got to say.
♪ Justina, shut up ♪
♪ Can you do that for me, please ♪
- No, I can't.
- ♪ Your Adam's apple is bigger than ♪
Meg Thee Stallion's knees
(audience laughs)
- Come here. (bell dings)
Come here you- - No!
- Yo, hold up, bro. - No, shut up!
- I'm listening.
- We don't love you young or old,
you remind me of Instagram, the dark mode.
(audience laughs)
- Shut up, them thick ass glasses.
When is Jesus coming?
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
Tell me so I get my life together.
This (beep) got prescription windshield,
shut up. (bell dings)
- And Big Mack, why do I think this bum seeing me?
You so fat you get tired listening to Run DMC.
- Oh! - Whoa!
- Aye Con, aye Con, shut up, man.
I ain't even trying to annoy you,
but can I use this to cover up my food?
Cause I'm all out of aluminum foil.
(audience cheers)
(bell dings)
- You know what, Cortez?
♪ I see you not human ♪
♪ You an insect my brother ♪
♪ Your daddy is a roach and a beetle is your mother ♪
♪ Your daddy is a roach. ♪ (bell dings)
♪ And a beetle is your mother ♪
♪ A daddy is a roach and a beetle is your mother ♪
- Shut up! Shut up.
According to my calculations, shut up.
(audience laughs)
Okay, okay, okay. Look, look.
♪ Young Swag there you go acting hard again ♪
Why you up here looking like a Backyardigan
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
- Let me get Justina.
- Shut up! No! - Shut up.
- Gimme Brent. Gimme Brent.
Where Brent at?
- He's right there.
- Brent. - Yeah.
- I bet the inside of your house smell like Petco.
(audience laughs)
You know what, Brent?
You so racist, in all your movies people slip.
I bet your favorite dance movies is not the Ne-Ne
but the Whip. (audience laughs)
(bell dings) Admit it!
You shut up too and let me talk.
This is not fair.
Even from seven feet tall,
I can see your careers going nowhere.
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
(group chatter)
Shut up!
- Let me tell you something.
- And Con, you a sensitive thug.
You love Oprah.
Your favorite color is purple
and that's why you will never be loved.
(bell dings) Put me down.
(audience laughs)
- Shut up! Shut up! Move!
Let's go Cortez.
Talk your (beep)!
- Con, you's a very fashionable dude,
up on stage with your teeth
matching the same color as your shoes.
(bell dings)
Shut up. You better shut it up.
Shut it up.
And Jack, you can't even see what you talking about.
(man laughs)
Your fat ass on stage built like a roundabout.
- Let's go. (bell dings)
- And Nick- - Tell him to shut up!
- Every time you hit the booth (beep) go so so left.
Hey, you just signed to a record label
'cause you make music for So So Deaf.
- Hold on. Hold on. Hold up.
Yo, this is very funny.
Matter of fact, the comedy I say thank you.
But what mother (beep) what the (beep)
is going on with your ankles.
(bell dings)
- Wait Nick, don't talk about his ankles.
- Yeah.
- Trying to make that a joke.
He looks up to you.
Them ankles match your coat.
(audience laughs) (bell dings repeatedly)
- This phase was over before it began.
(buzzer buzzes)
- I did this for my fat friend who couldn't run.
Yeah, come on, boy.
- You know.
(buzzer buzzes) What is new year, new me,
I'm hitting the gym,
getting my body right for the summer.
- Your answer is, men do this after sex.
(buzzer buzzes) - I'm here
for my fat homie here.
- I appreciate you, bro.
(audience laughs)
(buzzer buzzes)
What is, so what you about to do?
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
- Your answer is, signs he's into white girls.
(buzzer buzzes)
- Back up! No, back up! Fat lives matter, Big Mack.
(audience cheers) - Appreciate you, man.
Woo, they are running. Not happening!
(buzzer buzzes)
Who is Taye Diggs?
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
- Your scene is, in a blizzard.
- Hold on.
Round one, fight!
Sub zero wins. (bell dings)
- Your scene is Atlanta.
- [Big Mack] Centennial Park.
(bell dings) Round one, fight!
New challenger.
(audience laughs) (cast laughs)
(bell dings)
- Where my microphone? (bell dings)
- The scene is a jewelry store.
- That's nice- - [Big Mack] Jewelry store,
round six, fight! (bell dings)
(audience laughs)
- The scene is the TSA checkpoint.
(audience cheers)
- [Big Mack] TSA checkpoint,
round two, fight!
(bell dings)
- A bus stop.
- [Big Mack] Bus stop, round one!
(bell dings)
- Alright, your scene is Nick Cannon's gym.
- Oh no.
- [Big Mack] Nick Cannon's gym, round two, fight!
(bell dings)
- Scene is comedy club.
(audience laughs)
- [Big Mack] Comedy club, round three, fight!
- Your scene is a dog park.
- But it's only one dog here.
- Dog park, round three, fight!
- [Nick] You gonna fight the dog?
(audience shrieks) (buzzer buzzes)
- Your scene is an AA meeting.
- [Big Mack] AA meeting, round one, fight!
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
- Your scene is an airplane.
- [Big Mack] First class, round two, fight!
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
- Your scene is a bar.
- [Big Mack] Bar, round three, fight!
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
- Your scene is "Blue's Clues."
- [Big Mack] Steve's house, round four, fight!
New challenger, (indistinct). (audience cheers)
(bell dings)
- Scene is bouncy house.
(DJ D-Wrek laughs)
- [Big Mack] Bouncy house, round one, fight.
- The scene is car being towed.
- [Big Mack] Outside, round one, fight!
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
- All the gamers know what that is.
- Your scene is aerobics class.
- [Big Mack] Level aerobic class, round two, fight!
(audience laughs) (bell dings)
- The scene is American Idol auditions.
- [Big Mack] American Idol, round three!
(audience laughs) (bell dings)