By the end of this video, you're going to have all five,
so, stay tuned.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm an attorney, an author, and a narcissist negotiation expert.
A what you say? A what?
Yeah, I help you get out of those relationships
with narcissist or if you're dealing with them
in a business, or as a client,
how to manage them, deal with them and
do it in a way that shifts the dynamic,
shifts the conversation, shifts the power,
so that you are actually the one who's controlling
the conversation and the most persuasive person in the room.
If that sounds good to you,
make sure that you subscribe and hit that notification bell.
Let's talk about
those five kick-ass responses to those text messages,
those comebacks, the ones you're always trying to think of.
So, here's the thing, when dealing with narcissists,
you need to have a framework, because
they're trying to trigger you at all times.
I mean, when you get those emails, those texts,
you want to come back with “what are you saying?”
you know, when they say you're a terrible mother,
or you’re awful in business, and
you want to defend yourself,
that's the natural tendency as people, and
they go back and forth between
their love-bombing and their text messages,
they’re trying to devalue and destabilize you and
it's just constant.
If you want to know more about the various stages
of a narcissistic relationship, by the way, you can check out
my videos on love-bombing, devaluing and discarding.
I have one for each, you can go check them out if you'd like.
But really, the back-and-forth is actually way more toxic
than someone who's just toxic all the time, and
here's the thing, if you're no longer
for a narcissist they're just going to assume
that you're against them because they only think
in terms of black and white, and
if you're not for them, you are public enemy number one.
You're definitely against them.
So within that framework of all of this toxicity and craziness,
you've got to have a way to respond
that's going to allow you to continue to maintain your power
so that you don't get triggered and
so that you continue to control the conversation and
control the way that you respond, so
that you don't do something that you might regret,
because, remember that every text, every email,
everything you put your hand to,
anything you write, whether is a social media post,
or whatever is a potential trial exhibit,
so remember that,
always keep that in the back of your mind,
because they will try to trigger you,
they will try to get you to put something in writing
that they can screenshot, or print out and
use against you in whatever way they can.
So, be really really careful about that.
All right, so the key to doing this,
the key to responding to them is to look at it,
is as if you're a completely disengaged,
almost like you're a third party,
like you are watching this thing and you're like,
maybe you don't like watching a tennis match,
“oh, they just hit the ball”, “oh, that person missed it”,
“oh, there they hit it again”.
Almost like that, you're keeping all of your interactions
as brief and unemotional as possible, because
that way you don't get triggered.
I mean, you're going to want to defend yourself,
you're going to want to say things that are going to be
like proving things, like you can prove them wrong.
Don't bother. You’re never going to do it,
you're never going to prove them wrong.
You're never going to have closure.
I have way more on this, by the way,
on my video called “I was dead wrong”.
You should definitely check that out as well.
It's just about my own thing of how I figured out,
what I was dead wrong about when it came to narcissists,
but you want to be careful about that.
So, here are some ideas for comebacks for you.
These are also, by the way,
as you know, I am a lawyer, great trial exhibit as well.
Okay, so let's say you get a long email and
it has all kinds of stuff in there about
you're a deadbeat parent, you're worthless,
you're this, you're that and all these long things.
What I want you to say instead is this,
You select the one thing in the email that
you have to respond to you,
respond to that, without emotion,
you never explain, justify or overshare.
Remember that, never explain, justify or overshare, and
you just respond to that and everything else
you said you've received it, you've denied it, and that's it.
You don't need to go point by point.
You're not going to get them to see your side,
it's not going to happen,
but you've done what you needed to do
to preserve the exhibit for trial.
Okay, so that's number one.
So again, you've acknowledged,
but you see how you're just keeping
a distance between yourself and them,
you're keeping your emotions out of it.
Put that down in the comments because that
way you will remember to start doing that.
Okay, never explain or justify.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Have a wonderful rest of your day.
Here you are observing them being upset,
you are not upset.
Now, they may say all kinds of stuff back
like you're this, you're that, whatever
you're the one who's upset,
you're the one who's yelling,
you're going to say, I agree.
We need to take a break, looks like you're very upset,
happy to talk when you've had a chance to calm down,
or you can even say when we both had a chance to calm down,
who cares?
But you just observe their behavior,
observe their behavior to them.
It's not you. It's them.
You're looking at them having that behavior.
All right, so that's number three.
You're entitled to have that opinion.
One of the things I love to say is,
“I agree with you”, but you can say it like
you're not even really agreeing with anything.
You can say, “I agree that's your perception,
I agree that that's what you think”
They hear you say I agree, but you haven't agreed with anything.
You've just said you're entitled to your perceptions,
you are entitled to your beliefs,
you are entitled to your thoughts,
just as I am, we both are and, that doesn't add fuel,
it doesn't give them that narcissistic supply
which is what they're after, okay?
Maybe you don't even have to say anything more than that
but, thank you, for whatever it is that
you're saying or offering or doing and
you just say,
“No, thank you. I'm not engaging with you”.
So, all of these are ways that you can keep
your emotions out of it, you stay not triggered,
you are creating trial exhibits, and potentially proof exhibits
down the road that might help you, and
also help you preserve your sanity.
So, if you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist,
make sure to
grab my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com.
Join my free private Facebook group as well,
“Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
If you like this video,
make sure you like it, share it out.
Let other people have that information
if they're getting text messages from a narcissist and
need the reminder on what to say or do back,
what have those kick-ass responses.
Make sure that you drop me that comment, and
subscribe to my channel.
If you haven't done that already,
subscribe and hit that notification bell.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
Always, always, always remember that
today's a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will see you in the next video!