-With COVID cases once again on the rise,
especially in places where vaccination rates have lagged,
the GOP and Fox News have been freaking out
about President Biden's plan to conduct community outreach
to raise awareness about the vaccines.
For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."
♪♪
Yesterday was a big day at the White House.
Pop star Olivia Rodrigo
met with President Biden and Dr. Anthony Fauci
to promote COVID vaccines among young people.
And in addition to providing a much-needed boost
to efforts to get more people vaccinated,
it also gave us the gift of Fauci,
one of our most beloved and celebrated scientists,
explaining to the best of his ability who Rodrigo is.
-You're going to meet with singer Olivia Rodrigo tomorrow
at the White House.
What do you think that she can do
to try to persuade younger people to get vaccinated?
-Well, I understand that she's a very popular figure
among young individuals.
-That sounds like one of those weird next generation episodes
where Data is explaining to Riker who Elvis Presley was.
"He was an influential musician of the mid-20th century.
Apparently, he died on a toilet."
Of course, you can't blame Fauci
for not always keeping up with the times.
He's an 80-year-old immunologist.
Fauci's idea of a pop star is probably Eddie Cantor.
"We need to reach out to young people.
Any ideas, Dr. Fauci?"
"What about Bobby Goldsboro?
Mel Tormé? Oh, and can we get Perry Como?"
Fauci doesn't know anything about modern music, nor should he.
He probably knows Leonard Bernstein and that's it,
which is fitting since,
when he goes back to his old neighborhood,
he probably acts like a character from "West Side Story."
"Hey, it's Tony the Fauch! Looking good, Fauch!"
"Right back at ya, Mickey." "Tony, watch out.
The Republicans are looking for you."
"Hey, don't worry, Artie. The Fauch ain't no slouch."
♪ Fauci, Fauci ♪
♪ Crazy Fauci ♪
Anyway...
[ Laughter ]
This was a genuinely great
and admirable thing that Rodrigo did.
We desperately need as many trusted sources
across a wide swath of society
to raise awareness about the vaccines
and push back against
all the toxic misinformation pushed by the right.
And if you watched her comments yesterday,
I think you'd agree that Rodrigo was very effective
at getting the message out.
-I am beyond honored and humbled to be here today
to help spread the message
about the importance of youth vaccination.
I'm in awe of the work President Biden and Dr. Fauci have done
and was happy to help lend my support
to this important initiative.
It's important to have conversations
with friends and family members
encouraging all communities to get vaccinated
and actually get to a vaccination site,
which you can do more easily than ever before,
given how many sites we have and how easy it is to find them
at vaccines.gov.
Side note here -- It's nice
to see a real celebrity at the White House
after the last four years, when the previous President
could only manage to dig up the likes
of Ted Nugent or Scott Baio.
Biden's got huge celebrities helping him out
with an unprecedented nation-wide campaign
to get Americans vaccinated against the deadly disease.
And all Trump could muster was 18 holes with Kid Rock
in his flag pants, which looks like something
you'd buy for 6 bucks at a truck stop
because you tore the ass out of your good pants
rock climbing on peyote.
You might be asking yourself, "They sell pants at truck stops?"
Uh, yeah.
You think truckers go cross-country
wearing one pair of pants the whole time?
Get real.
That is, unless they buy my new product, Perma-Pants.
And if you're wondering how I'm gonna sell them,
I'm going to grow a mustache and start talking like this.
"The best thing about Perma-Pants
is you can go on the go,
and you don't have to pull over and pee in the woods
and risk getting eaten by da bears."
I made so much money from Perma-Pants,
I was able to buy a diamond ring from Da Bears.
I also bought some earrings for my wife, Deborah.
And then the salesman asked what they were for,
and I said, 'Deb's ears.'"
You see... what happened here
is Shoemaker texted us last night
and said, "FYI, plenty of time for tomorrow's 'Closer Look.'"
And we said, "Challenge accepted."
I mean, Shoemaker, why would you do that?
That's like texting a recovering alcoholic,
"No line at the bar."
The whole reason I went to impression camp
was so I could stop doing impressions.
And you come along like a drug dealer saying,
"Psst, hey, kid, want to do a Lindell?
How about a Tony the Fauch?"
By the way, Shoemaker also went to tangent camp.
And if you want to know how to get there,
you take a hard left, and then you just keep [bleep] going.
Now, part of the reason the appearance from Rodrigo
was necessary and valuable
was that it will hopefully help push back
against vaccine misinformation being pushed
by the GOP and right-wing media.
For example, they've recently started claiming
that Joe Biden's plan to conduct targeted community outreach
and go door-to-door to raise awareness about vaccines
is actually a sinister government effort
to take your guns and your Bibles
and force you to take whatever medication
the government wants you to take.
-And now they're starting to talk about going door-to-door
to be able to take vaccines to the people.
Think about the mechanisms they would have to build
to be able to actually execute that massive of a thing,
and then think about what those mechanisms
could be used for. They could then go door-to-door,
take your guns, again go door to door, take your Bibles."
-Don't come knocking on my door with your Fauci ouchie.
You leave us the hell alone.
-Going door-to-door? This is creepy stuff.
You know, if someone comes up to your door
outside wearing a mask, showing up at your house,
claiming to work for the government,
asking you personal medical questions?
-Can HHS force you to take antibiotics for your TB?
How about Xanax for your anxiety?
Thorazine for your mania?
And while we're at it, why are we letting irresponsible,
defective people reproduce --
vagrants, mental patients, even QAnon people?
All are allowed to have children.
Why is that? Why aren't we sterilizing them?
Sound crazy?
-What else can the government do?
Can they force you to take aspirin
when you have a headache? Can they strap you down
and slather you in Bengay if your back hurts?
Can they have mall security drag you out of Brookstone
for spending too much time in the massage chair,
even though you show them a doctor's note
that says you have an enlarged tailbone
and you have a constitutional right
to sit in the electric massage chair for as long as you want?
And then they say, "That's not a doctor's note.
It's written on a Post-it," and everyone
in the store laughs, and you say, "Oh, I'm sorry.
I guess because my doctor works out of a Staples,
I'm not an American citizen anymore."
And while everyone's busy laughing,
you try to fish some quarters out of the mall fountain,
and they say, "You can't do that.
And you say, "Well, how else am I supposed to buy
a box of garlic knots from Sbarro?"
And they say, "There's no Sbarro at this mall.
It was replaced by B. Dalton Booksellers."
And you say, "Well, welcome to Joe Biden's America."
And as you're saying it, you fall ass first
into the fountain and nearly drown
until the mall cop revives you by doing CPR
without getting your permission first.
Does that sound crazy to you?
Also, can we go back to this?
-Going door-to-door? This is creepy stuff.
You know, if someone comes up to your door
outside wearing a mask, showing up at your house,
claiming to work for the government,
asking you personal medical questions?
-Well, you can make anything sound creepy
when you say it like that.
Someone comes up to your door wearing high socks,
short shorts, and a bucket hat,
opens your mailbox, takes all the outgoing mail,
puts it in a van that looks suspiciously like
an ice cream truck, and drives it away,
I know you're not the ice cream man.
You're not fooling me, government.
In reality, it is a volunteer effort.
And all they're doing is trying to raise awareness
about life-saving vaccines amid a deadly pandemic.
And look, I get that if you still
don't have the vaccine and you watch Fox News,
you are not going to be convinced
by someone knocking on your door.
But it's still nice that they're trying.
It's not like they're working on commission
or trying to get you to upgrade to
Pfizer's Pfriends & Pfamily Plan.
Everyone just wants this pandemic to end.
And the fastest way out is the vaccine.
COVID cases in the U.S. have doubled in recent weeks,
and CBS reported a few days ago
that almost all of the new cases, 99.7% percent,
are among people who have not been vaccinated.
It's tragic, and it's unnecessary.
We have an abundance of safe, effective,
and free vaccines for anyone who wants one.
And yet, the right has even gone so far
as to insist that Democrats or the media
or anyone who wants to combat
the spread of this deadly disease
is somehow addicted to the pandemic.
-They just can't let the pandemic go.
At some point, it's --
they're going to have to break the addiction.
-Well, and it's like some of these people
get put out there all the time
when they have been dead wrong over the last year.
-Hmm. And then when you say, "Some of these people
have been dead wrong," are you referring to the guy
who said a deadly plant toxin could cure coronavirus
or the guy who said last year
that COVID deaths are almost nothing
or the guy who said we could cure coronavirus
by eating Tide To Go sticks like French fries
and complimented a doctor who believes in demon sperm?
Remember that? I mean, how could you forget demon sperm?
Sounds like the name of a monster truck
or a knockoff energy drink you'd find at the counter at a bodega.
Also, do you think we can't quit the pandemic?
Are you insane?
I'm so sick of this pandemic. When it's over,
I'm going to celebrate by going to a giant indoor concert
where we all burn our masks,
drink ayahuasca out of a shared cup,
and make out with each other.
We all want this God-forsaken nightmare to be over with,
which is why we're trying to convince people
to get vaccinated, but maddeningly,
we're dealing with a political movement
that's made spreading lies about vaccines
one of their central political projects.
It's become a culture-war issue for them.
They're even selling merch now.
-Florida Governor Ron DeSantis
introduced new coronavirus- themed campaign merchandise.
These are some of the items being sold
on the governor's official campaign website.
There's a drink koozie with a quote from DeSantis asking,
"How am I going to drink a beer with a mask on?"
And a T-shirt that reads,
"Don't Fauci my Florida."
-Cool. So the Republican Party
is basically just Hot Topic for boomers now.
Florida is currently reporting daily cases
close to four times the national average,
with the second-highest number in the country.
And DeSantis is selling merch
like he's at a folding table outside Warped Tour.
Can't wait for DeSantis to show up to his next interview
in a new t-shirt with a studded belt,
a pierced nose, and jet-black hair.
And what does that even mean? "Don't Fauci my Florida"?
Is that supposed to be a play on words?
It sounds like a mad lib filled out in a concussion ward.
Also, poor Fauci. He's an 80-year-old New York doctor.
The natural next step for him was to move to Florida.
Now he can't. Old New Yorkers move to Florida
the way sea turtles migrate. It's just instinct.
One day they're at the top of the subway stairs
with a bag from Zabar's,
and something in them goes, "'F' it."
Next thing they know, they're in Boca
putting a basket of seashells on the back of a toilet.
"I'm home."
Every sane person wants the pandemic to end
as quickly as possible, and the best way to do that
is to get as many people vaccinated as we can.
We have an abundance of safe, effective, and free vaccines
available for anyone who wants one.
We just need to keep getting the word out.
Instead, large parts of the right
are spreading dangerous lies about the vaccines.
The sane political movement
in this situation would be doing the opposite.
They'd be telling the government, "Please"...
-Come knocking on my door with your Fauci ouchie.
-This has been "A Closer Look."
♪♪
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