- Okay, Grandma's here.
Where's that baby?
Gimme, gimme, gimme.
Come on, where is he? Where is he?
Yeah, I see you, son. You're chopped liver.
Where's the baby?
(gasps) Oh, oh, oh.
I know you told me not to get you any clothes,
but they practically jumped in the cart.
Awe. Awe.
Isn't he just, awe.
That's good.
Oh, oh.
Now I know you said you had enough quilts,
but I crocheted these on the way in.
Awe, awe.
(baby crying) It's okay, Grandma's got him.
Grandma's got him.
Nobody talk till Grandma's got him!
Oh, Grandma just had a little stroke, but I've got you now.
No pressure, but Grandma wants another one.
Make it happen.
- Cute kid, yeah.
Oh no, I don't, I don't need to hold him.
No, let, no, let somebody else have a turn.
I, I don't need to hold him.
I'm good, I'm good.
Just let somebody else hold him.
Really, really, I don't need to hold.
What is that?
Oh, my gosh.
Why do I have to support his head?
What's wrong with his head?
Is he breathing? He's not doing anything.
Hello?
(baby crying) Ah!
I don't know what to do. He's crying!
Somebody please take it.
Take it, take it, take it, take it, take it.
Bounce him, like a basketball?
No.
I am not standing up. I will drop him.
I will. I will drop him.
Take him, take him, take him, take him.
Take him. (sighs)
- Sweetie, can I give you some advice?
Why are you swaddling him so tight?
You got him wrapped up like one of them chipotle burritos.
If he wants to flail, let him flail.
The will ain't gonna swaddle that kid, I'll tell you that.
Oh no, I'm sorry, you do you.
I just thought you wanted your kids to be healthy.
I breastfed all three of my boys,
now one of them's an engineer.
Structural.
Nope, no, he ain't latching right.
Let me help you out there. Let me get in there.
He doesn't have a good latch.
Not just a little tip like that, alright?
It's like the Subway commercials, okay?
They take that whole sandwich.
You gotta get the whole thing in there, not just the tip.
The whole teet.
I'm not a doctor, but.
Is that your pediatrician? Let me talk to him.
No, give me the phone. Let me talk to him.
No, this is not his mother,
but you told his mother it was okay
to give this little baby a pacifier.
Now he ain't latching right. Let me talk to your manager.
Oh, you're the head doctor?
It's a private practice.
It sounds like you still are practicing.
- Congratulations on that new baby, you guys.
Oh!
Oh, what do you got here?
This one of them neck pillows?
That's pretty big. Oh yeah, that's nice.
(sniffing) What's that sour smell?
All right, where's that clicker at? (grunting)
Hey Heidi, can you get me a beer?
I just figured, you know. You're over there.
Paternity leave? We didn't have none of that.
Dory was at home with all four kids right after the birth.
You were fine, weren't you, Dory?
Well, what's that look?
Okay.
Well, I guess if nobody's making lunch,
I'm gonna fire up the Pit Boss.
Hey Heidi, where are them deer steaks at?
What the heck? What is this?
Tapioca pudding? Oh, that definitely went bad.
(snoring)
Hey, what's the big idea?
Wait, what are you doing with my neck pillow?
Oh.
Just gonna do that right out here, huh?
I'm gonna go fix the garage door. (grunts)
Hey, son, you gotta do something about your wife.
She just flashed me.
(doorbell rings)
- Oh, oh, sorry. We didn't want to bother you.
You have got enough on your plate.
You don't need us in there.
We'll come back another time once you've settled in, okay?
Oh, the baby's sleeping?
Well, if the baby's sleeping,
you should be sleeping, right, babe?
- Yeah, sleep when he sleeps.
- Hey, you just consider us
your own personal Uber Eats, okay?
You need anything at all, you just let us know.
Now's our chance, go, go, go! Drive, drive, drive!
Oh my gosh, we almost had to look at their baby.
(rock music)
- [Baby] Dad dude, dad dude, dad dude.
- Lesson tummy, lesson tummy.
Now don't just.
Now don't just take.
Now don't just give him the little tip.
What do they do in the Subway commercials?
They take that whole sandwich.
They take that big sandwich.
Whole thing.
- [Crew] Not just the tip, the whole teet.
(all laughing)
- Thank you so much for watching.
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