- Welcome to the Creator Launchpad.
We wanna see your idea for a new original show concept,
so get together with your friends and shoot an episode.
We'll watch your video and if we love it,
we'll hire you to join our team and direct more episodes.
Click on the link in the description below
for more information.
- Does everyone here wear jeans?
Like just-
- Yeah.
- Where do you guys buy your jeans from?
- That honestly depends. I've had some luck.
I mean I'm, I present more masculine,
so a lot of the times I will like resource to Old Navy.
I'll just kind of go there
and like get one of the bigger pairs.
I actually did just get a pair
from Old Navy like a couple weeks ago and I love it,
but it's a little big in the waist
so I do have to take it in.
I'm probably gonna tailor it though, so,
but I do love Old Navy's jeans,
especially their men section.
- I don't really wear jeans,
but I think the only two pairs that I own are from Shein.
- I feel like it depends what style I'm going for.
- True.
- Like for fitted jeans, I definitely think
like Good American's my go to.
Obviously they're like on the higher end
of like pricing wise, but they like make my ass look great.
- Well that's the thing also like getting the confidence
to actually wear what you want. It took me forever.
So when I actually did, I'm still
in the mentality of when I was like 16, 17
and I could fit in a medium, so I'm like, oh this.
I can't go to the same stores.
Like I can't go to a mall and buy clothes anymore.
- I would say two years ago I would go
to like Goodwill's and Value Village's,
but that has become a lot harder as of late.
The reason that I chose to do this was mainly
because it meant a lot to me to share the idea
of like as you transition away from being in a bigger body
to potentially being in a skinnier body,
that is not something that like makes you harder working
or better at like achieving some sort of goal
than the other person or another person that you may see
in a plus size body. And going into it,
I like promised myself I wasn't gonna tell any lies.
I was gonna be very truthful and speak on every kind
of experience that I had had leading up to today.
I wanted to make sure that what I was saying was stuff
that I lived through.
I think putting on a character would be disrespectful
to the other people that were here today.
I just thrift most of my clothing
and like I have a tailor for my pants anyway-
- Shout out to the tailors.
- Yeah, a hundred percent. Especially when I'm back home.
I'm 15 minutes outside of New York City,
so I usually just commute in there.
There's this one thrift store, I don't know
if anybody's been called the L train,
and like that is really good for carrying bigger sizes.
Back in my actual hometown,
I can go to my tailor very easily.
It's like a five minute drive from my house.
- Okay.
- So I thrift probably 90% of my clothing.
- Cheaper. - Slay.
- Saves energy and like it feels way easier.
- There is no way he's gonna go pay
like $15 for jeans then go pay $45.
Like I get it, as a plus size person tailoring
for some things, great.
But I could not believe for a second
that he is tailoring every set and I was like, he
he is not fat anymore.
- Not gonna lie, I shop at Ross a lot or Marshalls
and finding jeans is hard.
I, it's a hit or miss.
Sometimes at Ross they'll have bigger sizes,
sometimes they don't.
But if it says stretch, then I'm usually good on it.
- I actually didn't even share where I got my jeans from.
I realize that. I usually shop at like American Eagle.
Jeans in general are like a struggle to find.
Either they fit your thighs and they don't fit your waist
or they fit your waist and it,
(bell rings) - it's a struggle.
(clock ticking)
(buzzer beeping)
- Oh man.
I did feel, I guess invalidated in a point
'cause they were talking about, you know, brands
and, you know, and stuff that I can't really afford.
So I thought my answer of, oh I shop at Ross
'cause that's what I could afford,
I thought that's what kind of eliminated me.
- So I was gonna say if any of you guys did any form
of like performance as a kid, and I know we were talking
about how some of us were models before, sorry about names,
but how that affected you growing up and how like the idea
of performing and being on stage was definitely
more difficult for you than your peers.
- That is an awesome question.
- Well you start since there- - Yeah.
- So I, I was on the math team for my elementary school
which was like very fun and I enjoyed it a lot.
But before our first meet when we were doing practices
and such, they gave us the vest sizes and I remember putting
on the largest vest size that they had
and it clinging to my skin and making me very uncomfortable.
And I walked into the bathroom and I was looking
at myself in the mirror and I was like, I can't do this.
And I quit.
And it really frustrated me
that I let that take away something that meant a lot to me.
That was definitely like my first experience with like,
it is very difficult for me
that outside elements are going to take who I am
and make that a form of a problem.
- As a woman in a plus size theater community
it's like I always got the funny roles
or the really unattractive roles and I'm like, I'm big.
That doesn't mean I'm hilarious. Like-
- Girl, we could talk about this forever.
- Yeah. So that, that's super powerful because performing
and becoming into yourself, you either have to be overly
confident and fake it 'til you make it or it will tear you
down. So I'm very sorry that that happened to you.
- How do we all identify?
Do we identify like what do we use to label ourselves?
- If you have one. - P-H-A-T
- Thank you. - Ooh, I like that.
- Yeah
- Oh, yeah.
- I have a weird feeling about that one for some reason.
- Really?
- I just, I like to normal.
- Yeah. Because I'll say fat
and then people be like, oh my God fat.
And then I'll be like, it's not inherently a bad word.
- It's not a taboo word. - It's an adjective.
- My favorite is- - That's the thing.
No, but it is kind of taboo
'cause I was like, oh yeah, I'm fat.
Don't say that you're beautiful.
I am (beep) gorgeous, but I am fat.
- I didn't say I was ugly.
- Oh my god, bro. - Yeah I'm sorry. I misspoke.
- I was like- - People treat it like
- It's taboo. - Right, right.
- That's the issue really.
- It's two truths. - Exactly.
- I'm like, I do, I feel beautiful, but I am fat.
Being fat or plus size does not mean that we're not active,
that we're not nice people,
that we're not worthy, like worthy.
It really sucks when people treat you differently
because you're a size 18 rather than a size two or four.
- When I like for example, oh great example.
I went Halloween shopping
- Oh my God.
- And it's really hard because like, oh first
and foremost trying to find the plus size costumes.
They're like, oh it's just kind of integrated everywhere.
And it's like realistically you have 200 costumes here,
but only like 10 are for plus size.
Then I go on to the other costumes and I was like
oh my choice is to be like a (beep) duck.
(group laughing)
- Like the the plus size nun, - Like an animal, yeah.
- The plus size nun costume
covered boobs, knees, everything.
But the skinny costume for the,
the other nun was like tits out for her.
And I'm like, so I literally like
my choice is like be a bubble bath or a duck
and I'm like I need a plus size section when I walk
into somewhere because we have not progressed
in human society.
- Yeah I was, oh sorry. - There was this brand
- that like, that had this big campaign saying
they were launching extended sizes.
- But not in stores. - And then it came out
- And it was like
completely different than the straight sizes.
And I'm like, we are just asking for the same thing.
- Why do they get cocktail dresses?
- And I get moo moos? - It's, literally.
(bell ringing)
(clock ticking)
(buzzer beeping)
- Shut the (beep) up.
(woman laughing)
- What?
Me?
- Girl.
- Yo. Oh my God.
- [Woman] I didn't know it.
- Who voted me out?
- I am equally shocked.
- I, I just, I'm sidekick.
I know, I know one of you was onto something.
- [Host] If you think the mole is still in the box
and you wish to continue playing the game,
please raise your hand.
- [Woman] That's a hard question.
- I think the odd one out is probably somebody who lived
as a fat person-
- Who used to be, yeah. - Yeah.
- But lost the weight.
But usually a lot of the times people that do grow up fat
or you know go through weight loss journey,
they end up being more fat phobic.
That's not in all cases.
It's not in all cases, but it like it does happen a lot.
- Turning it on that, like I really do think
that in my personal experience, people that go
from being in a bigger body
into like becoming skinny feel some sort of resentment.
Especially, because I think they tie achievement
to what they've done for some reason.
Like there's this, there's this very big principle of like
look at what I've done and they very,
they push this like American dream-esque mentality
of like genuinely like I worked hard and I did this.
And it's like, well not everybody wants to do that.
- Yeah, and like that's fine.
That's fine if you wanna lose weight, do that.
But you don't need to like project that onto everyone else.
And I would think if you were somebody who
lived that experience as
- That person- - You would understand.
- Honestly dating I've met, I've met many guys who were like
I used to be big, so I understand that being smaller
is more desirable and it's just like this conversation
just rubs me the wrong way because I'm, I've been met
with so many people who think like that.
- [Woman] Yeah.
- And like the worst person I dated was very fat phobic
and they used to be bigger and they lost weight
and they were like shaming me about my body being like,
you know we'd have better sex if you were smaller
- and all that. - Oh my God.
- Oh no. - Oh my God.
- No a hundred. And it's, it's the connotation, right?
- Yeah.
- Like, because they like quote, un-
- Fat is bad.
- Well I was gonna throw up air quotes,
but we're all blindfold.
(group laughs)
- Because they like put in the work.
That part being air quotes and like became
into a skinnier body all of a sudden there's a
- Wait, yeah. - You aren't working as well.
- But again, not everybody wants to work that hard.
- Exactly.
- Can we also go down the line and maybe just say
if we have been fat or plus size most of our life
or if it, you know-
- Oh, actually that's great 'cause I wanted to say for me
it was a little bit different.
Growing in South America, there isn't a lot of overweight
people, obese people and I've always been curvy so to speak
and I was fine, but I was still like,
you know how they say you,
I spent my skinny years thinking I was fat.
So I moved to the US when I was 16
and I started gaining weight.
You know, the life here is different.
I wasn't as active, I wasn't doing sports anymore
and then I was on birth control.
So for me it was hormonal imbalance that made me gain a lot
of weight, but it really sucked.
And you know, in my own skin, I'm gonna start crying
I'm sorry.
You know, like being skinny,
and like now you're fat and like everybody
treats you different.
- Yeah. (woman sniffling)
- I think it's, it's difficult too because you know
I grew up fat, I've been fat my entire life
and I've always envied in a way like the
I like, I've always wondered what it would be like to live
in a thin body and have people treat you differently.
Like I've always, I've dreamt about it.
And I think that is really difficult when you like yeah,
exactly. You, I understand what you're saying.
Like you've lived both and it's hard
'cause you know from people who haven't
it's just we don't even, we can't even fathom.
- You don't even understand.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- And speaking into the whole spending your skinny years
feeling like you're fat, I definitely relate to that.
I'm a bulimia survivor. I was bulimic for about eight years.
And I also played volleyball and it was
in like, in theater and stuff like that.
And the only reason I stopped throwing up
and binging and purging is because I was losing my voice
and I love to sing and I got nodes.
- Oh no, that's the worst.
- Oh shit. - Oh my god.
- I went from mezzo-soprano to mezzo-alto.
- Are we all crying now?
- Pretty much.
But yeah, like if, if it didn't affect my voice
I don't know if I would've stop.
(bell ringing) - Stop.
(clock ticking)
- It really broke my heart after, you know,
having to vote people out who in my
in my heart I knew were fat. To just feel invalidated.
That just, that sucks. That really sucks.
(clock ticking)
(buzzer beeping)
- What?
'Cause I wasn't crying? I'm sorry y'all.
- [Host] So the eliminations is something that
we're wrestling with.
Do you feel like it took away from the experience?
- It was just like being in the space
where we were sharing our stories
and everything felt so heartfelt, but it's just a game.
But overall it was really awesome to be in the space
and have these conversations that don't happen often
if you don't have fat friends to talk about them with.
As someone who grew up very self-conscious and
didn't know where to look and turn to see people like me,
I take that on as an adult to speak about these things
and have these conversations
that we're still confused about.
- [Host] If you think the mole is still in the box
and you wish to continue playing the game,
please raise your hand.
- I swear to God if anyone's lying, oh my God I'm so-
- For real.
- [Host] If the lights turn green that means
you have voted the mole out and you win.
If the lights turn red, that means the mole is still
in the box and you lose.
One.
Two.
Three.
- Oh no, we lost.
- On the count of three,
everyone can take off their blindfolds.
One.
Two.
Three.
- I (beep) knew it. - I knew it.
- I (beep) knew it. - Wow.
I told a heartfelt story about dating someone fat phobic.
You guys voted me.
- Okay, can we talk about a million and one reasons
why it was Derek?
- Okay, the only one that got me was, like, the theater.
Like I really could relate with that.
- Same. - So I obviously know that-
- No, that was your biggest red flag.
- Okay, I think that was true though.
- It was. - No, it was true.
(group arguing)
- That's an important thing. Nothing.
- Gave you away was that- - There is not a sing, yeah.
- So when I was in fourth grade, I was four feet tall,
I was 144 pounds and my doctor told me
that I was morbidly obese and it was a very, like,
self-image wrecking thing for me because it was,
he used language that made it seem like I needed to change
as opposed to just assessing what I was.
Like I said, everything that I'd talked
about before was true but when we were talking
about people being incredibly fat phobic,
that go through a transition of being in a bigger body
and then ending up quote, unquote skinnier.
That experience for me was I mistook the pain that came
with not having self-love as being associated
with a number on a scale.
And as I kept moving the goalposts further and further away
from myself and saying like, this will be when I'm happy
with myself and this will be the time in my life
where I like the way I look
and once I do this I'll be happy with myself.
I was no happier than when I started.
I just kept being further and further
from a goal that I was changing.
I am happy, not because of the way that my body looks,
but because I can have self-acceptance
and that's a very difficult journey for anybody to go on
and me losing any form of weight played no factor in that.
I hope that in watching this video somebody can learn
that the horrible stereotype that they have
of plus size people, whether that be that they're lazy
or sluggish or they don't eat right or they're not healthy,
there are people that are plus size that are faster
than you.
There are people that are plus size that are
in better conditions than the average human being.
I was definitely plus sized for a long period
of my life and I still feel the residuals
of like the way people treat you
for being in a plus size body, like to this day.
- This is the first time that I'm hearing a lot
of these things.
'Cause at least for me growing up
it wasn't like being bullied or anything like that.
It was just, like, my own mind attacking myself, like seeing
in the mirror and be like, oh my God, you're fat.
You need to lose weight.
Outside of that, like I didn't experience like the bullying
and name calling, I didn't see any of that.
So, like, hearing you guys like, that's, that's a lot.
I couldn't tell, like, how I had an
an eating disorder when I was younger
and how I overcame that
and then I slowly started drifting back to it
and I'm trying to lose weight now in a more healthy manner.
So, I wish I could have told that story to the group.
- I'm sorry, to anybody that shared something personal
and then like, because of this feels
like they were lied to or abu.
Like I really, I, I came into the game
with the idea of just having fun and I promised myself like
I'm not gonna lie a single time
that when I speak. It's like I didn't want to
like come in here and build a character.
- I hope people who watch this video,
whether, no matter what size you are,
I think it's important that we're just kind
to people and treat everyone with respect.
- I hope everybody just takes away, like, empathy.
You never know what someone's going through.
You never know why someone's plus size.
I don't know who made the rules,
but we can create our own rules now.
And I hope that everyone in the comments
and everyone who's watching takes that away and
just tries to be a better person, more understanding person.