And the third one says it's only taken your sins for the last year the year when you
have performed the pilgrimage were you exposed to any of these different opinions of course
if you go to the commentaries as you know they give you like pages upon pages like ibn kathir
may he rest in peace and at the end he tells us and allah knows best
i'm like you waited like 10 minutes of my time you're gonna follow me the beginning
you should have started with allah knows best uh yes brother even with the most reassuring
thing in islam even then that there's doubt but i because i believe in sahih hadith um sorry about
the reference 1521. i i believed in the one that says whoever performs hajj for allah's pleasure
and does not do evil or sins then he will return after hajj free from all sins as if he was born
new but um the way we understood the hadith brother me and my family and people back home
is that once you get back home the the meter for sin starts again the sin start to re-accumulate
uh once you've done the hajj anyway uh so it's almost like it wipes everything up to that point
so even that's really not good enough if you think about it because as soon as you get home
you have to start again but i wanted that big i wanted that because that was the closest thing
you know even if it meant a short time of being close to well i thought it was god
being close to allah and being right with him even if it's the short time i wanted it
that's how desperate i was i was desperate for forgiveness even if it was short-lived
so i went to hajj um i took my dad i spent all my life my savings on it it's very expensive you know
as you know well you're saudi brother you you had the privilege i shouldn't say privilege
being there i i have to say i used to ache for people i know that they have spent all of their
life creating just to come to that place come to realize that i'm sure it was a huge disappointment
yeah well when i exactly exactly so i yeah you know i spend my a lot of money and i
you know the build up to it and everybody's saying oh you're going to hatch you're getting your sins
forgiven you buy clothes you know their clothes and all that and then when i went there it was it
was just chaos brother it was chaos i saw grown men act like fools pushing each other and then
when they get to the kaaba they're um touching it they're rubbing it their stones they're kissing
it they're crying they're they're grown people acting like fools that's what i saw
and uh pushing each other hurting each other you know pushing away women kids they didn't
care they wanted that forgiveness bad badly they were they were as desperate as i was
and i was with them and it looked to me like it's ridiculous it looked bizarre
um and uh i just thought what what is this what what am i doing i just had this moment
of clarity that i'm in the middle of this chaos and is god happy with this this is
what he wants to see is this he just wants to laugh at us because i'm sure it's laughable
to him you know from looking from above you know adults acting silly basically and if you
follow the the rituals of hajj there's a place where you do this i told you brother it's a
place where you run from um the two mountains the safa and marwah that you run seven times
you're meant to walk and then you get to a point and you're meant to run and then slow down again
so i saw people then they get to that point they mark it on the ground and then you you run
and some people couldn't run they were waddling they were laughing it was like it was like a joke
i was thinking this is a joke and so many stones in worship it's not just the black stone you know
and you know the jamarat where people throw stones at stone pillars it's just so many stones and
uh if if people weren't shouting at a stone of the devil they were rubbing another stone and
kissing it i was like what is this how did you feel about this i mean did this just for a second
give you the impression that there is something paganistic about this yeah
like i said because i had come to the west i've seen hindus and how they treat their gods their
statues they rubbed them the same way they it did it did feel pagan it did and um it felt wrong even
though i'd seen it on tv nothing prepares you for when you're in it and i thought this is just so
inside me i felt it was wrong and also i thought god is he's just laughing at us he's just we he
just we're entertainment to him this is ridiculous so i spent all my money just to do this sorry
about especially the running part right you know did you did you win every time you run you did
you defeat all the others or running with you i won yeah and people used to race i'm sure brother
you went people will be like okay when we're on let's see how far i get and you run fast
and you you see people waddling behind and they're laughing um i thought so this is this is just joke
you know i still did it though it just shows you how deep the brainwashing is didn't stop me i
still finished the rituals because i spent all that money and i wanted to get my money's worth
and and if you don't mind just i'm going to summarize to people what's going on
you pray towards a rock you go there and you touch that rock and there is another
rock that you kiss called the black stone you run between two rocks you go on stone rocks and
yet everybody is convinced actually that it's a religion that denies idolatry i mean go figure
absolutely brother and then when you read about it actually before islam
um the pagan this were these were pagan practices that islam just adopted uh and so it seemed like
it was a religion that just stole some Bible stories through through a bit of you know the
arab paganism that was in there and it was it was just like a mix and match religion for the time
so what happened so i had an experience i hope no rocks hit your head by the way no no rocks hit my
head i and uh god protected me by the way i didn't kiss the black stone because i couldn't get there
brother you know because obviously you've been there how crowded it is oh absolutely i can't
tell you how many times i fought people just to get there yeah so i wasn't strong enough to fight
uh the grown men that were there and they people would get there and they would stand there for a
long time and kiss him a few more times really go in there they wouldn't just kiss her and walk off
you know so it was too crowded for me i think god protected me uh not protected me from a lot of
evil that was there as well um as i know i'm sure you know brother and i just thank god i thank him
i i know that he grieved him that i did that um that i participated in it even though i
could feel my my conscious was telling me this was wrong i still did it
and um i i couldn't i could sense the um the emptiness when i came back it was worse
um i was more unhappy i didn't find the prize at the end that was promised all your sins
forgiven and closeness to allah i didn't that was an empty promise it was false and why did
you say that i mean was it the feeling that you felt immediately after concluding this ritual
yeah and also because i questioned allah in his holy place
as well uh i knew he could see my thinking that i think this is ridiculous uh so
how is he going to forgive that now that you still you don't do that as a muslim you
don't think those things of allah and his and his rituals of the hajj especially and uh i rebelled
against him for the first time in my heart i rebelled against this allah and i thought he
was ridiculous and he is bizarre and he delights in just fine making people do bizarre things and
he just wants to be entertained by us basically that's what i thought about allah and i came back
and um like i said the empty promises the feeling is one of them but also that
i didn't want to worship him anymore and i found myself just i didn't i couldn't buy it anymore
i was moving away from all worship you know people say when you come back from hajj you're
meant to be closer so my family was saying you know act like a hajja you know you don't act
you know missing prayers you um i was so disillusioned and so let down you know why was
i trying everything and he why why isn't he trying to reach me why is it only one way you know why am
i always guessing what he's thinking and wanting him to love me to accept me to to be pleased with
me why isn't he doing the same for me where is he and i remember i said to him why did you give
me this that can't feel anything why didn't you give me this heart that can't feel your presence
uh you just you just created me just to just jump through hoops all my life without knowing
anything where i stand with you why don't i know where i stand with you
and uh i i said to him uh you're up there on your throne you don't know what it's like to be a human
i said that to allah obviously now i know he does know what it's like to be
human you know he came as Jesus Christ but i didn't know that at the time and
i just said i'm done with you now wow that's amazing that you even think that way wow
yeah so i was done uh i still prayed for show with my family just to keep
everyone um to please everyone but i in my heart i've just given up giving up on him
uh unfortunately islam it the more it it distorts god's image so much
that it makes people it make it made me give up on him and it made people give up on him now um the
big atheist movement i believe brother is because how much us islam distorted the image of god
can can you repeat can you repeat it one more time because some muslims are in denial that
there is a huge atheist movement in the middle east among young muslims
there's definitely many many people moving away from
islam to into atheism and i say the reason for that is how much islam has distorted the image of
god the image of god in islam is so false it makes you give up on him he's this temperamental god
that can be with you one day and against you the next day uh he's very changeable you can't trust
him he's maker you know he's a deceiver what kind of god is this so in a way um the most wronged we
you know muslims are wronged by islam but the most strong person in islam is god the image of god
he doesn't mind about muhammad's he allows him to marry a child he allows him to marry his
adopted son's wife he allows him many wives he allows him to break his oath
if that's a god eventually if you think a little bit
you say if that's god i don't want him and that's what happened to me but
the difference with me is that Christ caught me i didn't go into atheism and i thank god for that
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