If you’re trying to get back with your ex, there’s plenty of tips and techniques I
can share with you to help you make that happen. But arguably the most important thing I can
teach you is actually what not to do. That’s because most people make one or several of
the mistakes I’m about to cover in this video, unknowingly destroying their chances
of ever getting back together. If you don’t want that to happen to you, then keep watching!
I am, of course, Breakup Brad AKA Brad Browning AKA the #1 most trusted breakup coach on the
planet. Through my comprehensive Ex Factor program and my 1-on-1 coaching services, I’ve
helped over 130,000 people get through a breakup and get a second chance with their ex.
Let’s get started talking about the big, common mistakes that you need to avoid making
in order to win back your ex.
Mistake #1 -- Trying to use words rather than actions.
Don’t be an idiot and try to talk your way back into your ex’s arms. I’ve said this
before, but it simple never works.
The reality, though, is that after a breakup, most people try to reach out to their ex and
talk to them about their relationship and the breakup. Maybe they’re looking for closure,
maybe they’re trying to convince their ex to give them another chance. Either way, doing
that is actually an absolute, 100% guaranteed way to make things worse. You don’t want
to be talking to your ex at all in the first few weeks after breaking up, even though it
probably seems like an obvious thing to do at first.
Even though this is counter-intuitive, avoiding any contact with your ex is a must for at
least 30 days. Trust me on this…. even if you think you’ve got something to say that
will change his or her mind, don’t talk to your ex.
For the first while after your breakup, you want to “shock” your ex into experiencing
how difficult it is deal with your sudden disappearance. Your ex was used to having
you around all the time, and when you suddenly vanish, the pain and feelings of missing you
will be much stronger if you completely disappear than if you continue to talk to your ex regularly.
Mistake #2 -- Getting into serious discussions with your ex.
OK, so you already know that you should employ the 30 day No Contact technique after breaking
up since I just explained that. But what about when the No Contact period is over? Is it
OK at that point to talk things over with your ex?
No. Absolutely not. This is another very common mistake people make…. Talking with your
ex about the relationship or the breakup is generally a very bad idea.
Pretty much any kind of “serious” discussion -- where you bring up old drama, go over old
arguments, or discuss the things that led to your breakup -- is a recipe for disaster.
This type of stuff is almost certainly a contributing factor that led the collapse of your relationship.
How is re-hashing old disputes or re-visiting problems from the past relationship going
to make your ex want to take you back? All that does is remind your ex why they wanted
out.
What you need is for your ex to let go of those bad memories and problems that led to
the breakup. As a matter of fact, research has shown that negative memories tend to fade
over time much more quickly than positive memories. This is a natural human coping mechanism.
This means that your period of “no contact” after the breakup can help your ex forget
about the negatives and latch on to the more nostalgic and positive stuff. Every time you
talk with your ex about the relationship, or engage into any kind of bickering, drama,
or mind games… you’re only digging yourself a deeper hole and making yourself look less
attractive in the eyes of your ex.
Mistake #3 -- Begging, pleading, or apologizing over and over again.
I think this should be fairly obvious from the first two mistakes I just described, but
any type of begging, pleading, or repeatedly apologizing to your ex after the breakup is
a bad idea. Remember, you’re supposed to have no contact at first, and especially nothing
serious or dramatic. Begging and pleading make you look desperate and needy, which obviously
isn’t going to make you more attractive in the eyes of your ex.
Mistake #4 -- Publicly displaying your emotions.
Another thing you shouldn’t be doing is outwardly showing your emotions. Don’t log
on to Facebook and tell the world about the heartache you’re feeling right now. Don’t
post sad quotes to Instagram or suddenly stop talking to your friends because you’re too
upset to leave the house.
When your ex sees this kind of behaviour, it’s just going to reinforce their belief
that they’re making the right decision. If you get on with life, act positive and
upbeat around other people, and begin moving on with life, your ex is going to second-guess
their choice to let you walk out of their life. Ideally, you want your ex to think you’re
actually thriving since the breakup, because it will be unexpected and can cause a little
bit of jealousy, which can be useful.
Mistake #5 -- Thinking you can figure it out on your own.
This is a bit of a cheeky one, but it’s definitely 100% true. Most people think they’re
smart enough to win back their ex on their own, or after a quick Google search.
The problem is that what seems natural, or appears to be the right path to getting back
together, can actually be the exact opposite of what you really should be doing in order
to get a second chance with your ex.
I know you’re probably very intelligent, but you probably don’t know what actually
works to get your ex back unless you’ve already picked up a copy of my comprehensive
Ex Factor program. At the very least, I encourage you to watch my full free tutorial video at
BreakupBrad.com to make sure you’re headed in the right direction.
I also offer 1-on-1 ongoing personal coaching for a very affordable monthly rate. Learn
more about working with me at BreakupBrad.com/coaching.
Mistake #6 -- Overanalyzing your ex’s words and actions.
You should avoid spending all your time worrying about what he or she is doing. It’s tempting
to stalk your ex on Facebook, talk to mutual friends, and overanalyze every word that comes
out of their mouth. What does it mean? Do they miss me? Is that someone new they’re
dating?
Don’t drive yourself nuts by constantly trying to analyze what your ex is doing and
what it means. It doesn’t matter, anyway…. you can’t control what your ex does, but
you can control your own actions, so that’s where you should focus your time and effort.
Mistake #7 -- Turning to alcohol to numb the pain.
I realize that, culturally, at least in North America and Europe, binge drinking is considered
a sound way to mend a broken heart. But, please be careful before you pick up that bottle
of gin and try to drown your sorrows.
Drinking is one of the main causes of people breaking the No Contact rule, which leads
them to a continued single life and not mending things with their ex. When you’re upset
and you get drunk, you don’t have your wits about you, and all the hard work you’ve
put in to getting your ex back will all be a waste.
Now, this rule isn’t for everyone, but if you know yourself to be more of an emotional
drinker, then this definitely applies to you. A drunk you is not a relationship expert;
a drunk you is upset and upsetting. And worst case scenario, if you stalk your ex, either
physically or on social media or via the telephone, drunk, this is a deterrent to your ex, a deterrent
that will make them want distance from you.
OK folks, that’s 7 common mistakes that will send your ex running… if you’ve laready
made one or several of these mistakes, then don’t panic. Instead, go to BreakupBrad.com/quiz
and take my free quiz to see where you stand with your ex right now and find out if you’ve
still got a chance of getting them back. It’s a free quiz that takes less than 5 minutes
to complete, so head over to BreakupBrad.com/quiz right now.
That’s it for this video… thanks for all your likes, subscribes, and comments. Until
next time, bye for now!