- Good morning, good life, everyone.
Welcome back to Amy TV where we come together
to help you go after the life that you want.
Bad news.
It's no longer that time that gets us so excited,
that shiny, fresh, new year.
We now have to start actually proving
that we can stick to our grand plans for life.
But we all have those enemies that we face
that are creeping all around us,
so annoying, those pesky distractions.
Today I wanna talk about the real distractions to avoid,
that are absolutely killing your productivity.
(upbeat music)
You know it's a caffeinated kinda day.
I'm drinking my favorite Metric coffee in my Lady Boss mug,
and gotta have the coffee straw, you know.
You know how we do.
These are the kinda things that just keep me focused,
and that's what this episode is all about.
Staying focused, avoiding distractions at all costs,
even though they're fairly natural, we must do it.
Daniel Goleman actually wrote about distractions
in his book, Focus, The Hidden Power of Excellence.
And he says that here are two main kinds of distractions.
Sensory, which is the things that are around you,
and emotional, which is your inner dialogue,
which is the thoughts of the things
that are happening in your life.
Goleman said, it's not the chatter of people around us
that is the most powerful distractor,
but rather the chatter of our own minds.
So since the inner conversation that we're having
with ourselves is the thing that we can control,
and the much more powerful issue at hand,
I wanna talk about some of the distractions
we're creating in our own mind,
so that we can stop, ideally doing that.
Or at least work toward limiting that type of conversation,
so that we can be less distracted and move on toward
our more productive self.
Before we dig in to today's conversation,
I have to give out some twitter gratitude,
and that is going out to Kerri Ann Smith.
Kerri, thank you so much.
I acknowledge you for your time and attention
to these videos, and I also really appreciate the retweet.
It means the world to me.
If you'd like the next shout out,
then really, it's pretty easy.
Just follow me on twitter, and when you see me
tweet my latest video,
retweet it and share it with your friends,
and I will select somebody randomly
to get the next shout out.
As I was thinking about this internal dialogue,
and how we need to be better about controlling it
so that we don't drive ourselves crazy;
I found that there were three things
I was mostly worried about, not just for myself,
but for people that I talk to on a regular basis,
on how they think,
and how that's preventing them from success.
The first inner distraction I want to address is Insta-envy.
I love to hate this word, it perfectly encapsulates
the issue at hand here.
Instagram, envy, scroll, scroll, scroll,
it's unlimited, if you wanna just sit there
and hate the world for how beautiful it is,
you can do it.
Easily.
You could argue that this is an outside distraction.
But the result of spending so much time on Instagram
and envying other people, is what creates an inner dialogue
that comes out of nowhere, just based on assumptions
that you are drawing from what you've seen,
and what you don't see in your own life.
How do the accounts you follow make you feel?
That's a real question you should ask yourself.
There may actually be a couple of good eggs
in a stream of things that make you feel like crap
in your Instagram presence.
Think about the accounts that you follow,
and maybe the rationalization that you've given
for why you follow them.
Maybe you follow a health account because you're hoping
it'll encourage you to be more healthy.
But it has actually only made you more depressed,
and not to move your body as much.
Maybe the results that you see seem a little bit
too far fetched, so you don't even start.
Maybe you're following someone that you aspire to be
in a similar place as them at some point.
They're living your dream.
Are they actually motivating you to achieve that dream?
Are they sharing real value as to how they got there?
Something that you could do for yourself?
Something that makes you get out of your seat
and say, I have to go do that now, this is so exciting.
Or are they just boasting about how great
their life is all the time?
Do we even know it's real?
Do we even know what percentage
of their life is amazing versus not?
Most of us know that Instagram is that highlight reel,
it is not real life.
So where can we find the value, even if we know
that someone's life is not that perfect,
are they actually sharing something
that we can take away from it, and be better for?
If they're not, if you're just falling into all these traps,
why are you doing that to yourself?
This is supposed to be a place you can go
to maybe feel better, get motivated, spend some free time.
In my opinion, probably unpopular,
I believe that unfollowing someone does not make you
a bad person, it makes you a focused person.
I don't think someone just deserves to be followed
just because you've either met them,
or they're supposedly amazing according to everyone else.
I think they deserve a follow when they're someone
that you have granted access to be someone you want
to surround yourself with.
So if they're negative or unrealistic,
and making me feel like I'm not enough,
then just like I would hang out with you less often
if you were actually a person around me,
I'm gonna hang out with you less often on Instagram.
You might prefer the solution
of quitting social media altogether.
I totally understand if that's your thing,
if that's the moment that you need
to have with yourself, go to town.
But I do believe these places can be amazing to be in,
and I hope that you follow my account
and you are motivated, not envious.
And my goal is to always provide content
that would be aligned with that,
but if for some reason it ever is not,
then you should not be following me.
Who goes on record to say this?
I don't think many people do, but I really mean it.
I do.
Do whatever's right for you, stop fighting it,
just know in your gut what to do,
because no one's gonna do it for you.
And you also wanna work on not being so reliant
on that scroll time.
For me, when I do make the time to see
what everybody else has going on,
it's because that's a moment that I have made in my life.
Not I'm gonna do this as soon as I wake up,
I'm gonna do this at any moment I can,
because I feel like I have FOMO.
That's just not healthy.
Tailor your network to be with people
that you are genuinely happy for,
genuinely wanna know what's going on with them,
and they don't make you feel envious,
at least most of the time, but they do motivate you
to go after the life you want.
Spend more time on the things that you actually have to do
in order to reach your goals, or go after your aspirations,
because spending time on Instagram is not real work.
It's just not.
So if you spend too much time on it,
and that time is more than you spend on things
that actually will get you to an accomplishment,
then you have things a little backwards
and Insta-envy is just gonna take over your life.
The second distraction that I wanna talk about
that is affecting the inner dialogue
is overdosing on advice.
Advice is important, period.
I'm not gonna qualify that statement.
You're not the smartest person that ever did what you do,
or one would hope.
You always wanna be able to meet somebody and get feedback
of something that they've experienced
because they are further along or smarter than you
in that particular area.
It allows you to grow.
You can always learn from other people.
But when you're spending too much time seeking out advice,
or trying to accumulate information, or trying to pick
people's brains, and you're not executing on the things
that you're learning, you're just trying to absorb it all;
you're really not gonna learn anything.
You learn not just from seeking advice,
but from taking action to find out
if it actually works for you.
Simply put, the issue here is that you don't believe
in yourself in your mind, to do this on your own,
to piece these things together.
So you think I'm gonna keep getting advice,
I'm gonna keep getting information,
I'm gonna keep taking classes,
and then you just put off
the actual result of all these things.
It's hard to hear but it's true.
We see this in people who are constantly looking outward
for what they should do, and maybe sign up for a class,
and then before they even finish that one,
they take another one, and they take another one.
And then maybe they're meeting up with a bunch of people
to get feedback, but they're not actually doing anything
with the information, they're just getting it.
They're oftentimes the people who have all the answers
on social media, but aren't actually doing anything
other than being on social media.
Should you take advice?
Of course.
Should you constantly consume
what the rest of the world thinks you should do?
Definitely not.
If all you do is ever get schooled,
when are you gonna be the professor?
I'm in a really weird place with advice.
I'm on like a super far end of the spectrum.
I do enjoy getting advice when I want advice.
But the people that give me advice, I still take it
with a grain of salt, because I know no one's ever been
in my situation before.
And usually when someone's giving advice,
it's either from their experience, which is great,
I want that, or they're not really thinking
about themselves in my shoes.
They're just saying this is the right answer.
The advice that I feel like I have found
research that contributes to it,
or I definitely believe it's the right next step
based on where I've come from,
I will actually execute on it,
and measure was that good advice or not?
As soon as it's feasible to do that.
But I'm likely only gonna do that if I asked for the advice.
If I ask someone specifically what is your advice on this,
or if I read a book on a specific topic,
I'm saying to this book, what is your advice on this?
This is advice I'm asking for,
which means I'm much more likely to execute on it.
When I'm being offered advice I didn't ask for,
I am very much less likely to take it.
No matter where you are on this spectrum,
no matter how badly you feel that you need advice,
or how little you think you do,
there's a happy medium there.
You need to find it.
I'm still working on it all the time.
And then you need to take the advice you want,
and do something about it.
The more you fill your brain with advice
that either doesn't qualify or is just paralyzing you,
it just, it's gonna get you nowhere.
And it's certainly gonna create a dialogue
that isn't gonna be any better for you
of thinking you can do what you wanna do.
The third distraction that causes a lot of issues
inside of you, is lack of healthy lifestyle.
Just shoulda eaten your green beans like mama said,
then you'd just be as successful as can be.
Lifestyle though, is a massive trip up
for whether or not you're able to get out of your own head
about the crap that is up there that is not helping.
Sleep is a big one, I talk about sleep all the time.
I love sleep, I live for sleep, I want eight hours,
I usually get seven, I schedule it in.
It's massive, it's so important.
If you don't have rest, you don't have clarity of mind.
If you're constantly finding that you need to catch up
on sleep, and you're sluggish, then your focus
is not going to be there, and then you're just saying,
I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired,
which is an annoying inner dialogue to have.
Sleep more, it's amazing.
And I know how those of you who have a sleep disorder
are thinking, Amy, shut up, honestly.
Shut up.
I feel you, 'cause I have not been able to sleep before,
it's the worst feeling in the world.
But if you are in a situation where you are fully aware
of the fact that you have a sleep disorder,
and you get on your phone, because you're like,
well screw it, I can't sleep, so I might as well
look something up, or write down what I'm thinking
on a digital screen, then I just have a hard time
with the fact that you're not making yourself better.
We know that if you have any light around you,
you're not going to sleep as well.
And if you have a sleep disorder,
you're not going to at all.
So just do the research that applies to you,
but find your sweet spot to get,
if you can't get a full night's rest,
because that's so far fetched for you at this point,
can you get one more hour?
Is there something you're doing,
sleeping in front of the television,
or getting on your phone, or staying up too late,
or drinking coffee too late at night,
are you doing something that could get you one more hour?
Get that one more hour.
Another thing is either overeating or under-eating.
I will find that I'll work, work, work, work, work
and then suddenly I'm famished at 2:00,
'cause I'll have forgotten to eat all day,
and that's not healthy.
Overeating, I know you are thinking of the co-worker
lunch and you come back in a coma and you're like
freaking out at three o'clock, because you are full
and cannot do anything.
Skip the Applebee's trip, okay?
Keeping snacks at your desk,
so you're not unhealthily eating at the desk
all the time, but you're also not letting yourself
get famished and you're keeping the fuel in your body,
is really good for you.
Have you gotten enough exercise?
This is a huge one for everyone,
because we're all like,
oh I don't have time to get exercise.
But that 30 to 60 minutes could be an energetic
game changer for you.
I have to convince myself of this sometimes, too.
I have to get there everyday,
so I don't fall out of the habit,
because I know I feel better before and after if I did it.
Unless I work out at like 7:00 at night,
and then I don't sleep,
which is why I don't do that anymore.
Just analyze at how you're actually taking care of yourself,
and then start to think about
how you can make small changes.
One day at a time, one week at a time,
to make things a little bit better on you.
Because when you have that clarity of mind,
'cause you're not filling it with things
like I'm tired, or my body hurts,
or I feel like I'm getting fluffy or whatever.
When you're not feeling those thoughts in your brain
that then lead to I'm ugly, I'm getting fat,
I am not my best self, I'm getting wrinkles
because I have bags underneath my eyes.
Then why do we need that inner dialogue?
How are we gonna get anything done?
That is enough to consume anyone.
So three inner distractions we really need to work on
that we discussed today.
Insta-envy, reeling it in with the social media sessions.
Overdosing on advice.
Constantly getting things into your brain,
but not actually pulling them out with your abilities.
And lack of healthy lifestyle.
Move your butt, that's it, move your butt,
and then rest your butt, and that will do it.
You can blame things like social media,
your co-workers, your dog, your husband,
or whatever your thing is.
Or you can discover exactly as Goleman said,
the power of controlling the chatter in your own mind,
so that you can be less distracted.
Let's share what we've discovered here.
Remembering that we can only control our own actions
is the first step to quieting the ultimate
distraction trap: inner dialogue.
I wanna hear from you.
There are so many examples of inner distractions,
and there might be more that are really bringing you down.
What are they, and how have you started to work on them?
Share that in the comments below.
One really exciting thing I'd love to tell you about
is that AmyLandino.com has a fresh face, it's still me.
But it looks different now.
You'll find tons of resources, like how to shop
all of my favorite things, my latest blog posts,
and even a free audiogram with my seven essential
tips for going after the life that you want.
Head over to AmyLandino.com to find out more.
That's all for today, thank you so much for tuning in,
I appreciate it as always.
Make sure you remember to subscribe for good vibes,
kiss the ones you love, and go after the life you want.
Cheers.
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