- [Gate Guard #2] Psst, hey, what's he doing here?
- [Gate Guard #1] Who Zander? Oh, I can't stand him.
He's one of those guys that says irregardless.
So don't get me started.
- [Gate Guard #2] No, Major Washington.
I thought he was forced to retire because of his, you know,
brain.
- [Gate Guard #1] One, rude, and two,
heard they fixed that a long time ago using cutting edge
robotics and old kitchen appliances.
He's got super powers now.
- [Gate Guard #2] Really like super strength or hearing
- [Gate Guard #1] No something more practical,
like knowing seconds before a microwave is set to beep.
- [Washington] Whoa, take it easy pal,
orders are to safely transport this artifact or
whatever it is.
- [Gate Guard #2] Hmm, he must be here with that transport
probably added security for whatever's in there
so that can't be good.
- [Gate Guard #1] Why?
- [Gate Guard #2] I'm just saying, anyways.
- [Gate Guard #1] It's cold out here.
And really dark.
- [Gate Guard #2] Afraid of the dark.
Like what are you?
A child?
- [Gate Guard #1] Pssh, I'm not afraid of a dark,
that's just silly.
I'm afraid of what can happen in the dark.
- [Gate Guard #2] Right.
- [Gate Guard #1] What's crawled up your butt?
- [Gate Guard #2] It's that transport.
Whatever they brought here for safekeeping might be trouble.
I'm getting bad vibes about it
- [Gate Guard #1] Yeah, and to make things more weird.
I heard it's possibly alien.
- [Gate Guard #2] Alien!?
That sounds so dangerous.
(maniacal laughter)
- [Gate Guard #1] What the?
- [Gate Guard #2] Come on, on your feet.
(guns firing)
(maniacal laughter)
(lounge music playing)
- Contact!
- Weapons ready.
- Stop right there.
- Don't even think about it.
- Send reinforcements, we need everyone.
- Take him down.
- [Male Villain] Die!
We need more help out here.
- [Washington] Fire.
- Got him.
- This is fun.
- What the hell?
- I knew I should have called in sick.
- Hit him again!
Okay, gonna need some back up.
- [Female Villain] Looking for me?
- [Male Villain] Get over here.
- This one can teleport?
- I'm waiting.
- Okay, let's get her. - Come on.
(epic violin music)
- How did you?
Who are you?
- [Female Villain] Seconds to live,
and these are your last words?
- Dodge this.
- [Female Villain] Agent Carolina.
What took you so long?
- [Agent Carolina] A fan?
You want an autograph or something?
- Thanks Carolina.
Let's do this.
(epic battle music plays)
(maniacal laughter)
- [Male Villain] Don't get distracted.
- [Female Villain] Shut up.
I know why we're here.
- [Agent Carolina] So,
this is what you're after.
- Why yes,
it
is,
Freelancer.
- [Male and Female Villains In Unison] Commander.
- Then come and get it,
commander.
(electronic bass music plays)
- Is that the best you got?
- Bring it on, East.
- This is nuts.
Are all of you this crazy?
- [East] Zip it, rookie.
- I think I'm gonna puke.
- Check it out, One,
on the map, we can cut them off at the...
- [One] Hey! That's it.
- Don't you dare Agent One.
- [One] I got a plan Axel.
- [Axel] Don't do it.
You're doing it.
- [East] She's doing it.
- Doing what?
- [East] Dammit, she did it.
- Great now what?
- Working on it
- Hey looks like we're winning.
- [One] This is why I'm number one!
Suck it nerds!
- [East] You had to open your mouth.
That's it!
Take the wheel.
- Wait, wait what!?
- Do it, rookie.
(Gatling gun firing)
- Yep, you're all crazy.
- I ain't trying to kill 'em.
- [Axel] You pissed her off. - [One] I pissed her off.
(intense action music plays)
- Look out! - [Axel] Whoa, whoa!
(car brakes screeching)
- Wooh, I almost puked on my first day.
That would have been embarrassing.
- Attention!
At ease.
All you had to do was pick up the rookie,
instead...
- [One] Commander West, I'll take responsible.
- Lock it up, Agent One.
Drop and give me 50.
Instead,
AWOL,
illegal racing,
damage to military property.
I should have all your asses cleaning the latrines
with your personal toothbrushes.
For now,
we got bigger problems.
(loudly vomits)
- Ah, it's in my ear. Oh, ah.
- [Carolina] Wash.
- Next time, Freelancer.
- [Villain Boss] You have from the count of three
to tell me what I want to know.
Three.
- Does roughing up your prisoners usually work for you?
- [Male Villain] Die!
- Where's the temple?
- Hey, that looks kind of scary.
You're not going to stick that in anything right?
Or up anything?
- [Villain Boss] Two
- [Male Villain] He knows,
he knows the alien artifacts are keys to the temples that
hold the ultimate power.
- [Female Villain] Shut it, you big goon.
If he's not to tell us.
This will.
- Who even are you?
- One
(blades whirring)
(man screaming)
(gun shot)
- [Female Villain] Commander,
we have the coordinates.
(rocket bursts)
(gun shot)
- [Villain Boss] Hold this.
(loud bomb explosion)