By the end of this video,
I'm gonna give you some sneaky ways that narcissists control you
so that you will be onto them.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am a narcissist negotiation expert, I'm also an attorney and
I've helped millions of people and
I wanna help you break free from toxic relationships,
so that you and learn how to negotiate your best life and be free.
I've helped so many people, and I wanna help you too.
So, make sure that you subscribe to this channel and
hit that notification bell.
I'm on a mission here,
I've had to deal with a couple of covert narcissists myself,
and that is my why.
This is why I sit here and do this all day, every day now.
This is why I do this now,
so I know the sneaky ways that narcissists control you.
I've seen it.
For years in years I practiced law and
I didn't see it, I didn't know how narcissists operate,
I didn't really understand this, even as a lawyer.
It was really not until I dealt with it,
as somebody who was in the partnership
with somebody in a business endeavor,
separate and apart from my law practice,
that I really started to dive into learning about narcissists and
I had been lecturing all over the country on negotiations,
I had even written a book on negotiation and
I had been a keynote speaker at an American Bar Association event and
all of this on negotiation,
but I sure didn't know that much about narcissism and
I didn't know the sneaky ways that narcissists control you.
That's why the majority of attorneys in this country
really don't understand narcissism and
it really wasn't until I realized I was dealing with a narcissist myself
in a business situation and then,
I really started to dive into learning about narcissism and
reading a lot of books on narcissism and
that's when I started to apply what I was learning about narcissism
to some of my cases when I was still practicing full on and
that's when I started to see real movement
in how to deal with a narcissist.
Now, I coach people on how to deal with narcissists and
I've come up with a whole program,
“Slay your negotiation with a narcissist”,
That's when I really started to learn
how to deal with narcissists in a really powerful way.
I know the sneaky ways that narcissists control you.
They start talking about other things
when you wanna talk about something else.
So one of the things that they'll do is,
you'll say, “Hey, I wanna talk to you about these text messages”
or something like that,
they'll say, “Why are you bringing that up now?”
Well, I just wanted to talk to you about these text messages.
“Bringing that up now, you are making it difficult for me”,
“You know how stressed I am about work”,
“I'm dealing with my sickness right now,
you know that I was sick last week”,
“I'm dealing with the stress of this and…”
all these other things.
“You're yelling at me and you know the neighbor can hear us”,
then all of a sudden, it's about all these other different things and
you never get to talk about what you wanted to talk about.
They confuse the issues.
So, that's a sneaky way that they control you, alright?
So that's number one, they confuse the issues.
They know exactly what your Achilles' heels are,
what your weaknesses are and
especially the deeper you get into the relationship with them,
the longer they know you,
they'll start to say things they know are your weaknesses, against you.
They'll say things like,
“Well, you're not very good at that anyway”
or just little passive aggressive things that you'll be like,
“Whoa, where did that come from?”
“That person probably isn't getting along with you
because you're not very good at getting along with people”,
or something like that.
“Probably because of the issues you had with your mother and
that's why you don't get along well with people”,
or something like that.
And it's like, what?
Just things like that that they know will be hurtful to you,
that sort of thing.
So, that's number two.
To confuse you, to control you;
it's a very, very sneaky way to control you,
to try to confuse you, to make you think that you're crazy.
And there are so many different forms of gaslighting,
but it's a way of destabilizing you,
it's a way of making you think that you're crazy,
it's a way of making you think your reality is not your reality.
I do have a whole video on narcissistic gaslighting phrases.
But, in short, it's basically a very brief explanation,
it's something like, “I'm going away next weekend”,
“Oh, you're going away next weekend?
I didn't know you were going away”.
“Oh, yeah, we talked about that and you agreed,
don't you remember?”
“We never talked about that”.
“Oh, yeah, we had a whole conversation about it, you agreed”.
“We never talked about that”.
“Oh, yeah, we did”.
And you know you never had that conversation,
but they'll swear that you had that conversation and
they'll say things like that so many times and
then, you start to question your reality,
like, maybe we did have that conversation and
that's the kind of thing that they'll do.
Or you'll see a suggestive text message with a coworker,
at night or something like that,
or “I love you”, that sort of thing and
they'll say that's not what you're seeing,
“You're so needy”, “You're very paranoid”,
“We're just friends”,
and make you think like you're the one who's crazy,
that sort of thing.
They do something wrong, you question them on it,
like, I had somebody who was a professional,
somebody who used to work with me and
you would ask them about something
they were supposed to be doing and
then suddenly it was,
“I had breast cancer ten years ago” and
“This is very stressful for me”,
and it became about that and
not about the fact that they didn't do their work.
So now, you are supposed to feel bad
for bringing up the fact that they didn't do their work,
because they had breast cancer ten years ago and
they become the victim, they turn the tables.
So, that's another sneaky way narcissists try to control you.
They start to yell,
they start to throw things to wake you up in the middle of the night,
to have a fight with you,
they throw on the lights,
or they might throw something at the wall.
They try to control you like that,
by becoming very, very dramatic and
I had a S.L.A.Y client that I just interviewed, Shikari,
you should listen to his interview podcast and also video here,
where he talked about how he had actually like PTSD,
after getting out of the narcissistic relationship,
because the narcissist he was in relationship with,
used to throw on the lights in the middle of the night and
start to have fights with him in the middle of the night,
that's the kind of thing they do,
shock and awe by becoming super dramatic.
That's a way to control you,
to bring you to your knees like that.
They start off with the love bombing and
you're the most amazing special human being they've ever met,
they sweep you off your feet, they rock your world,
you are amazing, huge gestures,
lock you in as quickly as possible,
and you're like, wow.
Then, all of a sudden, they ghost you.
They don't respond to text messages,
days may go by and then, all of a sudden,
like, “You're so needy, what's up with you? I have to work”,
like, these hot and cold games that they play and
that's a way of controlling you.
Especially around holidays,
I mean, this is a really big one for covert narcissist.
I have a whole video on covert narcissism in relationships,
definitely check that out.
I dealt with a covert narcissist myself, so I know.
I have a whole video on how narcissists act around holidays,
check that out as well.
Like, “I can't believe you're not gonna do this for me,
after I've done so much for you”,
“I've given you the world”,
that sort of thing.
Right? Have they not?
I mean, have you guys seen this? Totally.
If you're dealing with a narcissist,
definitely make sure you subscribe to this channel,
hit that notification bell.
By the way, if you need some resources,
some mental health resources,
I do have a partnership with “BetterHelp”.
So, I'm proud to offer this if you need it,
because I wanna offer some mental health resources.
So, get the help that you need.
Don't sit out there and not get the help that you need.
So, grab that as well.
Make sure you grab my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
if you haven't done that already as well.
Make sure you join my free private Facebook group as well,
“Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
I've dropped a link below to that as well,
there's links below to all of these resources if you need them.
I also have a free quiz,
if you aren't even sure you're in a relationship with a narcissist,
there's a link to that below.
Remember they only win if you give in.
Today's a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will definitely see all of you guys in the next video.