Today we're going to talk about death and it might be uncomfortable and it might be
hard, but I promise we're also probably going to have a lot of fun.
I feel most alive when I am talking to people about their death.
Their options, the two major ones that exist, are burial and cremation.
I sincerely hope I'm starting to destigmatize that conversation.
As they're currently buried, the body doesn't decompose in a natural way.
It turns into sludge.
Talking about sex won’t make you pregnant, talking about death won’t make you dead.
My name is Aula Arthur and I'm a Death Doula.
A Death Doula is somebody who helps a person who's dying
plan for their death and supports their family through the death.
A lot of people think that my work is doom and gloom, but in fact it's the most invigorating and
life affirming thing that I know how to do.
I love life and that's why I am drawn to working in death.
I was hired by a family in Colorado to discuss what an end of life plan would look like,
cause her mom has cancer.
Planning for death looks like a lot of things: getting an advanced care directive together,
creating a very clear death plan about how you want to die,
and it looks like getting arrangements for a funeral or disposition of the body.
Come on in, come on in.
Hello, hi!
I'm feeling a little melancholy because I have cancer
and we actually started talking about this when I was in the hospital.
The fact that I don't have a will, and you don't think about
stuff like this until you are having to think about it.
My hope is to honor your wishes as fully as possible.
Whatever feels right for you, we’ll do.
Okay.
Okay, so this is your advanced planning document.
So by the time this is complete it will be a legally binding document.
It should have all the things that your family members will need
to handle your affairs in case of serious illness when you're not able to anymore or after your death.
What are your general thoughts on life support treatment?
The only experience I've ever had was with my mom.
I don’t know, what do you guys think?
It comes down to what you would want, if you were in that situation.
I don't want to be one of those people that is in a coma for two years.
Right, would you want a machine to support if there was a chance you could get better?
Yes.
Okay.
I don’t want my family to suffer.
That's the thing.
I do not want my life to be prolonged if the likely risks would outweigh the expected benefit.
Okay.
From working in death I've learned that life is so precious, and even the pain is as pleasant as the joy.
Ugh, man I've seen so much joy.
What would you say has been the greatest sources of joy in your life?
These two. It is amazing for me to wake up in the morning, and my grandson comes and bothers me.
I never could’ve imagined that my life would have this kind happiness, this kind of joy.
There's always going to be worry.
This illness, it has really taught me whatever my life is going through, wherever I end, it's about today.
If this illness takes me, you'll be able to tell them that I was the happiest person today that you have ever seen.
Your joy is palpable. I can feel it. It's seeping over into me.
The biggest misconception about my job is that it's sad, and heavy,
and I always think, “Well, come try it for a day.”
We'd end up laughing a lot during my end of life planning consultations,
and even when people are getting closer to the end of their lives,
there's still plenty of life in it and there's still plenty of light.
Right here: "Mental and Emotional Pain."
"When I am mentally or emotionally unwell I prefer to remedy it through: Therapist"
Marijuana.
Or some Marijuana.
Yeah.
I can say that now.
I encourage you to reach out to me if you need support on any level.
This is what I do and it is my joy to do–
Can I ask you what you made you go through go this direction?
I'm not comfortable with other human suffering, if there's something I can do about it.
We suffer alone a lot, and I don't think that we have to suffer alone.
I definitely understand, so thank you.
Thank you!
I am so grateful.
I find it tremendously important that we can be with death in a way that's okay.
It's so human. It's the most human thing we'll do, other than being born, and maybe giving birth.
We're born, we die.
Let's do both in ways that honor us, and honor humankind, and honor each other.
This is my Memento Mori, the reminder that I'm going to die, that beneath all the rest of this is just the skull.
My brother-in-law was diagnosed with Burkitt lymphoma and was terminal.
After Peter, died I learned that a large part of what I had done during the time of his
illness was midwife, by being present with medication and offering support to my sister and his parents.
These are things that people do anyway when somebody’s ill.
I was there for two months.
It’s a strange thing to think of, to be happy when somebody dies.
But it gave me insight into how we really can do better and we really should do better.
Death meditation is an opportunity for people that are struggling with some fears around
death and dying, to confront those fears head on.
And to see what the discomfort is, so that we can then talk about that and process that.
Now bring awareness and attention to your breath.
Death is inevitable.
My lifespan is every decreasing.
Death comes whether or not I am prepared.
Death has many causes.
My body is fragile.
My loved ones cannot save me.
My own body cannot help me when the time comes.
Consider these truths deeply.
Take a deep breath in.
There's a feeling of utter weightlessness.
You are now aware that this is what dying feels like.
See that all that is left of your body is a skeleton.
On your next inhale in, feel that you are alive and awake and present in this room.
You can open your eyes.
Just stay there for a second.
You feel the ground beneath your feet.
It doesn't look like my feet for some reason.
What are you feeling, what are sensing?
My skin feels a little sensitive.
I think I'm just hyper aware of all of those things right now.
When you were describing my body decomposing,
that was actually really comforting to me.
The thought of me going back into the earth and actually nourishing the earth was really soothing.
I got this after my sister's fish died and I had to dispose of its body.
My funeral, what I'd really like is to be outside, somewhere in a park.
I'd like my body to be there, in my orange raw silk shroud.
My funeral is going to be decorated by my jewelry.
People will get to take what they want, and hopefully put it on at the ceremony.
I'm energized to talk about my own funeral because I think that it's a great way to celebrate who I am.
The chance that the people that I love most will come together
and talk about my impact on them feels incredible.
I love everything about life.
I love sparkles.
I love giggles.
I love sprinting.
I love crying.
I love expression.
I do this because everything is rooted in love.
This is the purest expression of love that I can find.
This is my gift to the world.
One day you and I will die, but before that day comes let us live.
Let us live. Let us live. Let us live.