May was a massive success for the human race.
Here we can see one member of our species
evolving to the highest level.
Forget the X-Men.
This is what future mutations will look like.
I can’t wait.
Oh it’s a wedding.
People got married last month.
That’s an original concept.
Let’s see how the bouquet throw goes.
OHHH an Aunty got fucked on.
She’s back there thinking
“why would I wanna get married” and
whammy, the bouquet has spoken.
Legend of the Month goes to this beluga whale.
A young sheila dropped her iPhone in the water
and he’s like “no worries, don’t panic,
turn off the tracking apps,
don’t call the cops.
There ya go, you can have it.
Maybe just give me a snack in return.
Have you got any snacks?
Don’t touch my chin.
I’ll eat ya fucken fingers if ya touch my chin.
The vagina stadium has actually been built
for the World Cup in Qatar.
As we can see there’s a vulva,
a labia minora, a significant labia majora, and
not a lot of bush, if any, on the outside.
In the night time it can shoot out fireworks.
I hope this trolley street band in Ireland
will get to play at the vagina stadium one day.
Maybe the World Cup opening ceremony?
(Performing music).
There’s Arnold Schwarzenegger going out into the world,
talking to people,
it’s nice he’s doing that because it’s a scary world,
there’s a lot of aggression out there at the moment.
Everyone's angry.
OH he’s been fly kicked!
Fuck that.
He should’ve stayed home.
No, I think Arnie’s back
manages to break the fly kicker’s ankles.
And then a bodyguard says
“get over here” and drags him away
to a dark room.
Perhaps Arnie should hire Halle Berry
as his bodyguard.
Did anyone want her in John Wick 3 for longer.
She was a solid character.
She could’ve been in it longer ay.
Or this kid should be Arnie’s bodyguard.
The young fella is a little low on confidence,
but he’s got a good bunch of mates.
I reckon he could become a karate master.
YES!
(Cheering).
This is the most wholesome video
on the internet in a long time.
If you’re a fair dinkum fucken Star Wars nerd
go check out the reimagined fan video of a fight
between Obi Wan and Darth Vader.
It’s now solidified in my head
as a real fight.
Bugger it, I’ll solidify it.
Disney can’t delete what’s in my head.
Not yet anyway.
RIP to former Australian prime minister
Bob Hawke.
He showed us all that you can sink a lot of piss
and still live a very long life.
Yeah we had an election down here.
Same shit, different day,
was the result in a nutshell.
I heard India had an election as well,
this bloke is quite upset
he only got 5 votes
and he has 9 family members but screw it!
Good onya for trying mate.
Good onya.
Theresa May finally said “fuck it, fuck yas all,
I’m going on holiday to Ibiza.
I’ll catch up with James Blunt
and show off my dance moves.
I am done.”
Aw look at these teenagers.
They’re supposed to be saving the future of the planet
and they’re hanging out in bathrooms singing.
What troublemakers!
Not fighting or doing drugs,
singing!
(Singing)
Seriously, nothing bad happens in this video.
It’s just teenagers being good blokes.
I understand that’s not newsworthy,
but to me,
that’s why it’s newsworthy.
Finally, this dog achieved his life journey
to become a flower.
No major surgery was required.
It was a simple transition
and he is happy as fuck.
It genuinely was quite a positive month.
Remember that time I said last year
I'm not joining TikTok,
"I'm not starting a TikTok account
I'm not doing it.
I don't need another fucking thing to manage."
Well the link to my TikTok account
is in the post description below.
I don't know what I'm doing there yet!
I don't know.