>> (MALE NARRATOR): FROM THE AWFUL COMEDY VAULT OF YESTERYEAR, IT'S TIME FOR
BEFORE YOU WERE FUNNY. THE MOST ENTERTAININGLY BAD SKETCH SHOW THE
WORLD HAS NEVER SEEN.
WE FORCED OUR FAVORITE COMEDIANS TO GO BACK IN TIME AND BRING IN THEIR
WORSE MATERIAL AND PERFORM IT TO THE BEST OF THEIR ABILITY UNREHEARSED.
TODAY'S EPISODE, MR. SPECTACULAR WITH ANDY DALY,
ALSO FEATURING KRISTEN SCHALL AND PAUL SCHEER.
AND NOW YOUR HOSTS, JUSTIN MICHAEL AND JACOB REED.
>> WELL WELCOME TO BEFORE YOU WERE FUNNY. I'M JUSTIN MICHAEL.
I'M JACOB REED. WE'VE GOT IN THE VAULT TODAY PAUL SCHEER, KRISTEN SCHALL, ANDY DALY.
THIS IS A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE.
>> ANDY BOUGHT IN AN ENVELOPE THAT YOU MAILED TO YOURSELF BACK AT SOME POINT.
TO COPYRIGHT A SKETCH YOU THOUGHT WAS SO GOOD THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT ANYBODY TO STEAL IT.
>> THAT IS THE INCREDIBLE PART.
WELL FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND, ONCE YOU WRITE SOMETHING, YOU HAVE COPYRIGHTED IT, YOU KNOW,
BUT IN ORDER TO PROVE THAT YOU WROTE IT AT THAT TIME YOU CAN...ONE OF THE THINGS
YOU CAN DO IS YOU CAN MAIL IT TO YOURSELF.
APPARENTLY IN A COURT OF LAW I COULD OPEN THIS UP AND SAY, LOOK GUYS THIS HAS NEVER
BEEN OPENED BEFORE, I DON'T KNOW...AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT I WAS TOLD.
THIS IS THE OPENING OF A TIME CAPSULE. THIS IS EXCITING.
>> YEAH.
>> I HAVE TO SAY IN ALL OF THE YEARS SINCE 1991 THIS SKETCH I'VE NEVER
HAD TO OPEN THIS, BECAUSE NOBODY HAS EVER STOLEN THESE SKETCHES BEFORE.
>> WELL YOU DON'T KNOW.
>> SO, THAT IS--
>> THAT'S AUTHENTIC 1991 PAPER.
>> THROUGH THE MAGIC OF EDITING WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO IS WE'RE GOING
TO HAND THIS OFF TO OUR PRODUCER TO MAKE SOME COPIES REAL QUICK.
>> ALRIGHT.
>> I AM TERRIFIED. HERE WE GO.
LOST IN THE TIME CAPSULE SINCE 1991. THIS IS MR. SPECTACULAR.
MY CIRCUS BIG TOP
NIGHT, TWO CIRCUS PERFORMERS ARE WAITING BACK STAGE. AS THE BIG CIRCUS IS GOING ON
THE YOUNGER OF THE TWO, MARK, IS PRACTICING HIS JUGGLING. HE IS OBVIOUSLY QUITE NERVOUS.
THE OLDER ONE AL IS LEANING AGAINST THE WALL READING A NEWSPAPER WHICH WAS SOMETHING
YOU HAD IN THOSE DAYS.
>> OF COURSE, OF COURSE.
>> WILL YOU PLEASE STOP THAT. YOU'RE STARTING TO MAKE ME NERVOUS.
>> AT THE SOUND OF AL'S VOICE, MARK DROPS HIS JUGGLING BALLS CLUMSILY AND PICKS THEM UP.
>> I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, THIS IS MY FIRST NIGHT, AND I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT.
THAT'S AN ACCENT.
>> YEAH, I LIKE IT, I LIKE IT.
>> DON'T WORRY, A LOT OF PEOPLE MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE. THE FACT IS WHETHER
OR NOT YOU CAN JUGGLE DOESN'T ADD UP TO A HILL OF BEANS.
YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO CHARM AN AUDIENCE - MAKE THEM WANT TO TAKE YOU HOME.
IF YOU CAN DO THAT, YOU'RE ALL SET.
AND ALL THIS PRACTICE DOESN'T MEAN CRAP.
(interposing talking)
>> WE HERE WILD APPLAUSE FROM INSIDE THE BIG TOP.
>> I LIKE THAT YOU KNEW YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO CAPITALIZE SOUND RELATED THINGS,
BUT INSTEAD OF CAPITALIZING WILD APPLAUSE. THE WORD HEAR IS CAPITALIZED.
>> IT'S THE WORD HEAR.
>> MARK TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND GOES INTO THE BIG TOP.
AUDIENCE POINT OF VIEW AS MARK JOGS CENTER STAGE, DOES A SPECTACULAR JUGGLING ROUTINE,
PUTTING HIS ALL INTO SOME VERY IMPRESSIVE JUGGLING.
WHEN HE'S DONE, HE LOOKS AT THE AUDIENCE NERVOUSLY. THEY GIVE A SMATTERING OF
POLITE APPLAUSE.
(you hear light hand clapping)
MARK JOGS OFF STAGE AS AL JOGS ON.
>> THEY'RE ALWAYS JOGGING. THEY'RE VERY--
>> LOT OF JOGGING IN THIS SKETCH.
>> GOT TO KEEP THE SKETCH MOVING.
>> AL HAS ONE JUGGLING BALL WITH HIM. EVERY MOMENT OF AL'S IS ACCOMPANIED BY
A WILDLY EXAGGERATED FACIAL EXPRESSION, AND RIDICULOUS OVER-GESTICULATION.
AFTER EVERY ACTION HE GIVES A BIG TA-DA POSE THROWING HIS ARMS UP IN THE AIR,
AND SMILING TRIUMPHANTLY. HE TOSSES THE BALL UP AND CATCHES IT WITH HIS OTHER
HAND, GIVES A BIG TRIUMPHANT POSE, AND THE CROWD GOES NUTS.
HE DROPS THE BALL, PICKS IT UP, SAME THING.
HE WALKS IN A CIRCLE, SPITS, AND FOR HIS GRAND FINALE HE TIES HIS SHOE
AFTER EACH HE POSES AND GETS A BIG REACTION.
IN THE END HE TAKES SEVERAL BOWS, AND JOGS OFF TO A STANDING OVATION.
THIS IS A YOUNG MAN WITH CONTEMPT FOR THE PUBLIC.
MARK IS WAITING BACK STAGE WITH A STUNNED LOOK ON HIS FACE. HE CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT
JUST HAPPENED.
>> WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK KID?
>> YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
>> AL, LAUGHS TAUNTINGLY AS A WOMAN WALKS UP.
>> EXCUSE ME SIR, MAY I HAVE A WORD WITH YOU?
>> SURE WHAT?
>> I'M ELLEN O'HERLY...
THE ONLY WAY I CAN THINK OF PRONOUNCING IT.
TALENT COORDINATOR FOR THE TONIGHT SHOW ON NBC TELEVISION.
>> WITH JOHNNY CARSON?
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
I CAUGHT YOUR ACT OUT THERE AND I THINK YOU WOULD BE PERFECT FOR OUR PROGRAM.
>> IT'S ALMOST LIKE I INTENTIONALLY DATED THE SKETCH.
NIGHT SHOW, WITH JOHNNY CARSON?
>> WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT IS THAT A TALENT BOOKER AT A LOCAL CIRCUS...
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN FINDING THE TALENT? WELL, I'VE BEEN AT ALL THE CIRCUSES.
>> ALL THE RINKY DINK CIRCUSES.
SHE HANDS HIM A BUSINESS CARD. AL TAKES IT EXCITEDLY.
>> WHY DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR AGENT CALL ME MONDAY?
>> I WILL MA'AM, I WILL.
>> HE RUNS OFF AS MARK THROWS DOWN HIS JUGGLING BALLS, AND WALKS AWAY IN FRUSTRATION.
MONTAGE, EXCLAMATION POINT.
>> THE WAY IT SHOULD ALWAYS BE.
>> MONTAGE! AL, HAD VARIOUS WONDERFUL POSES, AND DOING SIMPLE TASKS ON STAGE
SUCH AS KICKING A SOCCER BALL, PATTING HIS HEAD AND RUBBING HIS TUMMY,
HAILING A CAB. EACH IS DONE IN HIS SPECTACULAR STYLE.
CAMERAS FLASH ALL AROUND HIM, AND WE HEAR, ONCE AGAIN CAPITALS,
THE SOUND OF AUDIENCES GOING WILD WITH APPLAUSE.
MAYBE A FEW SHOTS OF PEOPLE IN THE THEATER APPLAUDING.
>> MAYBE NOT.
>> WE MIGHT NOT HAVE ENOUGH APPLAUSE YET, SO.
>> CLOSE ON A MAGAZINE COVER DEPICTING AL IN A GLORIOUS POSE. THE HEADLINE READS HOORAY.
>> IT LOOKS TO ME THAT IT'S WRITTEN LIKE...YOU'RE LIKE THESE DUMMIES THAT GET ON TV, LIKE YOU KNOW--
>> THERE'S A LOT OF ANGER IN THIS IN THE END.
(INTERPOSING TALKING)
>> IT'S AN ANGRY DEFENSIVE SKETCH THAT YOU FELT LIKE YOU SHOULD PROTECT
IN THIS GRUESOME WORLD. THAT'S SHOW BIZ.
>> COMMENTARY ON POLITICS, IT'S A SONG AND DANCE.
>> MAYBE ONE, IT'S SORT OF LIKE WERE YOU REALLY EMBROILED IN THAT...LIKE THAT'S A LOT,
LIKE YOU WERE YOUNG IN YOUR CAREER--
>> I WAS 20.
I WAS 20, AND I WAS IN COLLEGE.
INTERIOR OFFICE NIGHT.
CLOSE ON AL'S FACE. HE LOOKS A GOOD DEAL OLDER.
WE ZOOM OUT, AND WE SEE THAT HE'S SEATED BEHIND A DESK WITH AN AMERICAN FLAG BEHIND HIM.
>> MY FELLOW AMERICANS--
>> HE LOOKS CONFUSED FOR A MOMENT, THEN STRIKES A HUGE SMILE AND POSE.
WE HERE THE SOUND OF AN AUDIENCE APPLAUDING WIDELY, AND THE SONG HAIL TO THE CHIEF.
HE KEEPS POSING AND SMILING. FADE OUT.
>> WOW!
>> FIRST OF ALL, YOU HAVE A LAWSUIT ON YOUR HANDS.
>> WHY? >> BECAUSE THIS IS VERY MUCH
THE PREMISE OF THE ROBIN WILLIAMS MOVIE WHERE HE IS LIKE THE...KIND OF THE
LATE NIGHT COMMENTATOR, LIKE THE LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW HOST.
>> BUT I OPENED THE ENVELOP.
THEY CAN'T PROVE IT ANYMORE.
>> THEY CAN'T SUE. IT WAS HERE, IT WAS HERE.
IT WAS LIKE THE PREMISE WAS LIKE WHAT IF JON STEWART BECAME THE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES, BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE HE WAS DOING JOKES AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
>> SON OF A BITCH.
SOMEBODY DID STEAL MR. SPECTACULAR.