I know that Corry's out of focus for the majority of the video.
That's 'cause he's a stupid idiot and sat too far away from the camera.
But pretend it's not out of focus.
Pretend it's not really distracting and just say:
"Wow! I love the quality!"
- There's like, a patch of hair on my chin. - Just grow. Just grow hair there.
Hello underachievers!
I am here with Corry today.
He actually has a podcast, episode coming out today.
His podcast is called 'Sci Guys' and I'm in it.
It's about the science of gender.
You should go watch, I'll put the link in the description.
We've beeeeeeeeeen
relationshipping for 2 and a bit years.
They don't need to know that, you don't tell them that.
- People always ask. - I think you should keep it like a mystery,
because if people always ask, and you want to keep them asking.
We've not been dating! We just broke up right now.
We thought it would be a really fun and cool,
and really good idea if we answered tough relationship questions.
You know, the real hard one.
You're really going for your GCSE drama there, aren't you?
Tough.
Sad.
Happy!
I'm ready to win the big prize! What do we win?
- This. - You get...
- Lovely crown. - You win Sci Guys promo.
- That suits you! - Thanks!
"Corry, would you really leave Noah if he went to prison?
Noah, would you do the same?"
- We had this discussion. - He'd died in prison.
YES, BUT IF I DIDN'T DIE?
If I didn't die in prison, if I went to prison for like...
- Like half a year. - Oh, half a year...
And I managed to make friends,
they thought I was funny...
They thought I was really cute and like,
they were really intimidated by like, my confidence.
No one's gonna be intimidated by you in prison, but OK.
- Why would you not wait for me. - What if you became a billionaire?
What if...?!
What if you like, managed to go to space and you became a space explorer?
We're just saying things that would never happen, right?
But IF they did?! Why would you not wait for me?
In the conversation it was clear that it was some time in prison.
- Like at least a year, in which case... - Short "at least a year".
I would wait for you.
You got nothing else going on.
- Oh, my God. - I HAVE SO MANY THINGS GOING ON!
I got my own stuff, you know?
I can't be waiting around for you, it's a strong "maybe".
What if you could have sex with people outside of prison?
I would let you do that for a year.
Let me? I could do what I want while you're in [ ] jail!
What if I went to prison because I was like, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor?
- You are the rich. - No, no. I'm not.
"Have you ever thought of someone more attractive than your significant other?
- Yeah. - So many, yeah! Like...
Oh! Hold on, no. It's OK for me to think.
Why is it OK for you to think that and not me?!
'Cause it hurts my feelings.
- Antoni Porowski. - Yeah, I'd take that one.
- Emma Stone. - She is pretty.
I'm literally looking at Taylor Swift right now.
She's not just like me in a wig?
I mean, that's a little bit insulting to miss Swift, I think.
- I've got a wig, we can try it out. - I don't think we should.
"Do you think you've found your soulmate in each other?"
- No. - I don't believe in soulmates.
My soulmate is my friend George.
Well, I don't believe in soulmates. Soulmates aren't real.
People asking: "Are you the one?"
Which I think is a stupid question.
- I think there is a one. - No, there's not.
Because people change throughout their lives and the idea that 2 people can be together
forever in all permutations of the universe is bloody stupid.
Would do we not be together forever?
No.
I literally just told you I'd leave you if you went to prison.
Like, what do you think this is?
"Is there any change of opinion the other could have that would make you break up with them?"
Your current opinions on slavery are pretty solid, so if those changed,
I'd probably feel a little bit conflicted.
If you had the opinion that I should get boobies again.
- That would... That would be it. - Like I wouldn't say "no" to the idea.
Well, if you came to me saying: "Hey, I want it". I would be: "OK, cool. Go for them.
Get them. Get them big".
- A C? - Many different.
Well, that depends on your band size. The cup size isn't...
Look, there are many...
How do you know more about bras than I did?!
"Do either of you want a polyamorous or polygamous relationship?"
- You do with like, 3 people. - No, I don't.
The idea of having sex with them would be nice.
That is polyamorous.
Isn't polyamory where like, you're in a relationship with several people?
- You can... - I don't want to be in a relationship with them.
I just want to have sex with them.
A sexual relationship is a relationship.
- Google polyamory. - Do you enjoy when I'm right?
Do you enjoy when I'm right?
"Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for,
intimate relationships with more than one partner".
Why do you argue with me?
No! No, no, no. I want to see this face. You look embarrassed.
"If you broke up, could you stay friends?"
I mean there was that time a few years ago.
- We like starting rumors. - I love starting rumors.
I love starting rumors.
If I went to prison I'd said: "Wait for me for 6 months", and I came out.
You didn't wait for me, then I would break up with you.
- Well, no, because if I hadn't... - I know. I thought halfway through the sentence.
I was like: "Wait, no".
If you dare to break up with me, I would dump your ass so fast!
Basically, when you ask this question, what you're asking is:
Should you be in a relationship, or should you not be?
Do you like the person you're with?
Or they're asking you to like, imagine some situation wherein you would not be friends.
Like, I don't know...
If you blew up a bridge... Well, I don't know.
- Wait. Depends what bridge. - What?
I'm saying, if you blew up a bridge, I probably wouldn't want to be friends with you.
- If I blew up a bridge? - Yeah.
You care about property that much?
No. There are people on bridges.
- The crime there is killing people, surely. - Yeah.
Surely blowing up the bridge isn't like, the big deal.
"How often do you genuinely fight? Do you at all?"
What is a fight?
We have like, this banter thing going on, we're like...
Don't touch my...
Ouch.
Did that actually hurt?
Well, actually, what hurt was the bruise from where you punched me in the face earlier.
So just touching it was painful.
They're full of [ ].
[...] Bros. Don't do that.
We're like bros, and so like, we bicker...
In a fun way!
We're trying to entertain other people when we bicker.
Yeah, it's what you entertain ourselves and others.
This one time, we were walking down a road and a lady cycled past us,
and then cycled back to us and she said:
"Sorry, can I get your names? Like I heard you are arguing and I just want to pray for you".
- We weren't arguing. - No, I don't remember what we were talking about.
But a lady thought we were arguing 'cause... What was the question?
- "Do you fight?" - "Do you fight?"
No, not really.
Well, this is the thing, right? What is a fight?
A fight is like... A fight is when you disagree with each other,
but always you can just talk about it, right?
You can just talk stuff through, so it's fine.
- I can think of like, 2 bad arguments. - I don't even remember them.
- Your nose makes a noise. - No, I was listening to it.
"Have you lost any love since you started dating?"
- How? - There wasn't any love when we started dating.
I mean I've not gained that. It's a net 0.
What is love?!
♪ Baby don't hurt me ♪
"How do you get out of a toxic relationship?"
If I knew, we would not be sitting here.
Oh! No, don't make that joke. Hold on. I wasn't listening to you, but don't make that joke.
- OK, did you think I was winking? - I wasn't listening.
"Have you ever thought of getting married?"
Not to you. I have a wedding planned with someone else.
- Really? - Yeah.
Well, we had this thought yesterday, because we were going through these questions.
And I was like: "I don't want to get married, but we should organize a not-wedding".
Yeah, fake marriage.
It's where we don't get married, but we invite everybody and we have like an aisle,
and we have like a party, and everyone comes.
What if I get married to Lily, but you're my best man, that'd be fun.
I mean, you can't take all my money in a divorce, then. Sure.
That throw the spanner in the works, there! That's really worrisome.
"Have you ever thought of cheating?"
- Yes. - We talk about it regularly.
- All the time. - But we've spoken about it.
I mean, we know who the potential targets are.
It's fine because we know who the other person is attracted to.
And a lot of the time it's the same person!
- Not a lot of the time. - A lot of the time.
- It's not a lot of the time. - A lot of the time.
- No, it's not! - A lot of the time!
- I can think of one and a half. - Who's that?
- This is a letter. - I don't fancy him!
OK, good. Right, neither do I. That's fine.
That's what the half was, I was like:
"I mean I'd have said so I don't fancy". You know?
"Was there a cosmic connection when you first met?"
That means nothing! Next question!
"Thoughts on open relationships? If your partner wants one, but you're not 100% sure".
Well, that's not an open relationship, really is it?
"My partner want an open relationship,
so they went ahead and did it,
but I don't know how I feel about it".
That's cheating!
Conscent.
Yes! What would you do if I wanted an open relationship?
I would direct you to people that you could have sex with.
What? So only you can tell me who I can have sex with.
No, I'm just helping you out. Being your wingman.
Take you out on the town, I'd be like:
"Hello, this is Noah. Go ahead".
And then, I'd be like:
"Now look. I don't want to watch, but I have this magazine here.
I've got my headphones.
Now, wherever you guys end up, I'll just be in the other room.
Headphones on. Got my magazine.
Just give me a shout when you're done".
"If your partner was terminally ill and asked you to help them kill themselves, would you?"
Legally speaking:
NO.
My real answer:
Yes. Yes, I would.
Someone ask: "Do you ever fake orgasms?"
"Rate each other".
- 7. - You said I was an 8 yesterday!
You were in a good day.
That's kind. If 5 is like, in the middle, that is average. 7 or 8 is good.
- You range 7 to an 8. - Why wouldn't you rate me a 9 or 10?
2 inches in higher?
Bit more of a jaw?
More chin?
I'm not gonna say anything.
You're just pointing at all your insecurities now, which I wasn't talking about.
What were you talking about?!
I'm just saying that like, you look like an 8, you know?
It's good. It's good!
I don't know why you'd be upset with an 8.
I'm not upset, I just want to make you uncomfortable.
I'm not uncomfortable at all!
Well I think you're also an 8.
- You OK? - Yeah?
OK, good.
"Does the thought of not dating girls upset you, guys, since you're both bi?"
- You said last night that you want boobies. - Not for myself.
You want to hold a boob.
No, 2. One in each hand.
You know when you get an itch in the palm of your hand?
I feel like a nipple.
Now you've had tits, so I'm surprised that you have no idea how they feel to hold.
It's funny I had more nipple hair before I got my tips chopped off.
Good for you.
That would be really funny if at that point I just sawed you in the face.
Stop! Not. Stop playing.
- Put that down, stop it. - I'm waiting for you to find a question.
- I didn't realize that's what we're doing. - I give you my phone.
- Stop! Put it down! - This is down in Australia.
No, it's not.
"Have you ever liked each other's friends? And if so, did you tell each other/that friend?"
You've got some hot friends. You agree.
I know who you're talking about and it, specifically, annoys me how attractive he is.
Right!
It's not fair! He's nice, as well.
Well this is the thing: Like, he's really good looking.
- But also, I just wouldn't... - No. You wouldn't.
There's other friends of yours that aren't necessarily hot, but I would.
- All your friends girls are attractive. - Yeah.
"What's the limit of considered cheating? Sexting? Facetime? Etc.".
Facetime?
Cheating is what you and your partner define as cheating.
For example, cheating for us, is when Noah does something that I don't want him to do.
And I don't have those rules applied to me, I can do what I want.
- No kissing. - Cheating is no kissing.
If you don't kiss anyone else, you're a cheater.
Rules are no kissing and no sex. You can flirt.
- Nudes? - Depends what.
If you're just sending a picture of your butt to someone, that's quite funny, I think.
I think it's quite funny when people send pictures of their butts.
OK.
Elaborate: What's not fine in the nude world?
Sexual in nature! Nude isn't necessarily sexual.
[...] just send me videos of him just swinging his dick around.
And we'd both be like: "HAHAHA, that's funny, your dick is swinging".
God, you're oblivious.
- I did end up sucking... - You're [ ] idiot.
I can't believe he just said that!
"You know? This platonic friend that I would never have sex with
just sent me pictures of his dick.
Would you thought it was funny?
He was sending pictures of his dick, so could have sex with him, that's what he was doing.
- That's not true. - That is absolutely true.
"Do you, two, ever kiss?"
- Literally not once. - No, it's gross.
- "Does Noah give good head?" - Yes! The best!
Someone said:
"Do you really think y'all are gonna last together?
Like get married, have kids, etc.".
I only know what I'm doing each week when I write it down in my book on Sundays.
Sometimes he doesn't write it down.
So if we were going to get married next week, we wouldn't know!
To ask if I know what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life
is a pretty [ ] stupid question.
Did we get married this week? Did that happen?
Well, that's the end of the video.
I hope you enjoyed it.
Did you enjoy it? Ask questions in the comments.
Say your middle name in the comments.
Comment your neighbor's cat's name in the comments.
- Did that hurt? - My teeth!
Oh, sorry. Have a good day, or don't!
See you later, losers! Goodbye!
No, you gotta go.
That's a really good way to [ ] up your lens.
Actually my lens! I paid for that too, so...
- No, I wasn't touching the lens. - I can literally see a smudge on the lens.
No, that's always there. I went this way, I didn't touch the lens.
- OK... - No, let me stab them.
Wait.
Straight through the heart.
- You're gonna die in a few seconds. - Or a few years.
You're dying.
You're dead.