(upbeat music)
- Happy birthday, babe.
- Oh, thank you.
Hun, that is so sweet.
- What the hell?
- What, I read it.
What else am I supposed to do with it?
- I guess that's a good point.
Excuse me, sir, it's my girlfriend's birthday.
- Guilty, I'm the birthday girl.
- Are you?
- Oh shit.
- Aw.
We have a birthday girl in the house.
- Yeah.
- Do you think that makes you special?
- Yes.
- Why?
I have a birthday, he has a birthday, she has a birthday.
Even this piece of shit has a birthday.
- I instantly regret this.
- It's literally the least special thing you can do.
- Yeah but, you know, I was born.
- No thanks to you.
All you did was claw up your mother's insides
while you resisted her heroic efforts
to shove your fat little head out of her body.
Now if she were here I would gladly offer her
a complimentary piece of dried chocolate cake
and have the entire wait staff serenade her.
But she is not.
You are celebrating without her, isn't that right?
- Yeah.
- I'll bet you haven't even called her, have you?
- There's a time difference.
- Do you celebrate your half birthday?
- I guess I think it's like kind of fun
to show up to work with some flowers
and like a half dozen donuts, you know.
- Oh my god,
that's super cute. - It's my half birthday.
- That's super cute. - Yeah.
- Do you think that's cute?
- What do you want me to say, man?
- Do you think she's cute, tell me.
- Yeah.
- I think she's disgusting.
- If you guys don't do birthday stuff, that's cool.
- Shut up.
Put this in your fucking mouth.
- Yes sir.
- I don't want to hear from you again.
- I don't really want cake anymore.
- But you came here to feel special on your birthday.
- I don't really feel like it anymore.
- And I want to make you feel special on your birthday.
So I'm gonna make you feel so special.
Hey everyone, it's her birthday.
Congratulations, it's your birthday, you were born.
Let's have a good time for her birthday.
We all love you so much.
You haven't made any mistakes.
You're special 'cause you were born.
Enjoy.
- Oh.
I guess if all that ends in cake.
- I just need to see your ID.
- I don't need to be 21 to eat dessert, right?
- No, I think you're a fucking liar.
I think you're saying it's your birthday
to get free dessert from this restaurant.
Do you see what I see?
- Yeah, um.
- You are two days off.
- Okay, so it's kind of this thing that we do
where we celebrate the whole week of my birthday,
it's my birth week.
I have it printed on a t-shirt and I've got a hashtag going.
- You're pathetic.
- Is there a manager here?
- I am the manager!
- Just want to say you're doing a fine job.
- Thank you so much.
Listen, I see you guys in here all the time,
we really appreciate your continued business.
It's great to have loyal customers like you.
(thumping)
- Hey guys, thanks for watching.
Tune in every week as Hot Date gets hotter.
Nope, nope, nope, we stop at the shirt,
we stop at the shirt.
Oh, okay.