-Welcome back to "Late Night."
It's time for "The Newlywed Game"!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Where three couples compete to find out
who knows each other best.
Let's meet our contestants.
She's a retired schoolteacher, and he will tell you
the same story twice in one night.
[ Laughter ]
Please welcome Seth's parents, Hilary and Larry Meyers.
[ Cheers and applause ]
She's a lawyer and a mother of two,
and he didn't learn how to snap his fingers until college
and still can't whistle.
Please welcome Alexi and Seth Meyers.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Come on, Seth. [ Fingers click ]
Everyone quiet down.
Give us a whistle.
[ Blowing ] [ Laughter ]
Good job. [ Laughter ]
And, finally, she founded an international nonprofit,
and he sometimes sings karaoke in his living room by himself.
Please welcome Alexi's parents, Tom and Joan Ashe.
[ Cheers and applause ]
All right. Now let's get down to business.
Earlier tonight, we asked each of you a few questions,
you wrote down the answers, and now your spouses
are gonna try to guess answers that you gave.
It is important to remember that how well you do in this game
directly correlates to how well your marriage is doing.
-Oh, great.
The first question is for the husbands.
Husbands, we asked your wives,
"If you could have your husband's blank,
what would it be?"
That's right -- if you could have your husband's blank,
what would it be? -[ Laughing ]
Oh, boy.
-Dad, what's your answer?
-Um... I would say...
my, uh, hair. -Your hair.
-Yeah. I have really good hair.
-Your hair. Mom, let's see the card.
-Quick wit.
[ Laughter ]
-Not so much, huh? [ Laughter ]
-All right, Seth, what's your answer?
-I think she would have my beautiful blue eyes.
-Beautiful blue eyes. Alexi, let's see the card.
-I really like my green eyes. -Wife.
-Ooh!
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
Trust me.
It looks great from the outside, but there are some issues.
[ Laughter ]
-So you would just want a replica of yourself?
-Yes. -Okay.
They're very good to have around,
I can assure you of that.
All right, Tom, what's your answer?
-I'm gonna go with musical talent.
-Musical talent. Joan?
Singing voice? -We'll take it.
[ Cheers and applause ] We'll take it.
[ Both laugh ]
-Very good, very good.
All right, our next question is for the wives.
We asked your husbands,
"How can you tell when your wife is mad at you?"
Mom, what's your answer?
-Wait a minute. How can he tell if I'm mad?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-All right.
I think it would be a sullen silence.
-Sullen silence.
Dad, let's see what's on the card.
[ Laughter ]
"She refers to me as 'your father'
when talking to Seth and Josh."
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Go to bed early?
-And, dad, when you're in her good graces,
she refers to you as... -My hero.
[ Laughter ]
-It's a very clear delineation. All right.
Alexi, what is your answer?
-I think my face, my voice, and everything about me.
[ Laughter ]
-Seth, let's see the card.
"She says, 'I am mad at you.'"
[ Laughter ]
I think we're not gonna give you that.
-No, no. -It's very clear.
-She's more text than subtext.
[ Laughter ]
All right. And, Joan, what's your answer?
-I ignore him.
-You ignore him. Tom?
"Yells at me." -What did he say?
Yells at you. Different than ignoring.
All right. No points in that round.
All right, our next question is for the husbands.
We asked your wives,
"How does your husband deal with telemarketers?"
We asked your wives,
how do you deal with telemarketers?
What did your wife say?
-I'm as rude and angry as I possibly can be with them.
-Mother?
"He screams as loud as he can."
[ Laughter ] -We'll take it.
We'll give you that one.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Dad, can you do a quick impression of where you get to,
if you're gonna act like your hand is a phone,
what it gets to?
-Yeah, well, I don't care about that!
How's that?! [ Laughter ]
-Very good. Thank you, thank you.
All right, Seth, what's your answer?
-I never answer the phone.
-Alexi? "He doesn't answer."
[ Cheers and applause ]
All right.
And, Tom, what is your answer?
-I think she would say that I probably talk to them.
[ Laughter ]
-That's what I would say.
[ Laughter ]
Joan, what did you say? -I said -- What did I say?
"Take my name off the list."
-"Take my name off the list." All right.
But he might meet a nice friend on the phone.
Well, all right, let's take a quick look at the scorecard.
We are tied three ways -- 1-1-1.
So this is anybody's game.
The last question is worth up to 3 points.
Joan, I hope you can sort these cards out before we get there.
It's time for the wives.
We asked your husbands to describe you in three words.
What three words did your husband say?
You will get one point for each word correctly guessed.
So, Mom, three words -- what is your answer?
-How I described you.
-Va va voom.
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
-I mean...
You really went all-in on that.
-Let let me just say, it would be so shocking
if he got two out of three.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-"Oh, he said, 'Va va nice.'"
[ Laughter ]
All right, Dad, show us your card.
-I don't want to. [ Laughter ]
-All right.
-Beautiful, heiress, and joyful.
-Oh.
[ Applause ]
Also, just for you watching at home,
my mother is not an heiress,
but she will get a check from being on this show,
and they tend to rerun it,
and when those checks come in, she claims she's an heiress.
[ Laughter ]
-If she has an envelope.
-And she has an envelope, like an heiress.
[ Laughter ]
Alexi, what's your answer? Three words.
-Obsessive compulsive disorder.
-Obsessive compulsive disorder?
-"Disorder" was last word? -Yeah.
-Beautiful, smart, strong-willed.
-I couldn't say that, by the way.
[ Laughter ]
-Well, I couldn't say O.C.D.
[ Laughter ]
It's like "The Gift of the Magi."
[ Laughter ]
All right, Joan.
-Bossy, impatient, and beautiful.
[ Laughter ]
-Come on, Tom.
-Well, at least there's beautiful!
-Smart, sexy. [ Cheers and applause ]
Okay. Let's look at the final score.
It looks like a tie for second and third.
Seth and Alexi and mom and dad with one point each.
Turns out "Va va voom"
and "Obsessive compulsive disorder" tanked you.
[ Laughter ]
First place is gonna go to Tom and Joan.
You are #CoupleGoals.
That's right. [ Cheers and applause ]
Tom and Joan have a true love
that will stand the test of time.
That's all the time we have.
Thanks for joining us for "The Newlywed Game."