- When I was young,
I grew up in a polygamous family.
My father had two wives,
and they were typical home keepers.
My mother was very submissive.
I don't remember seeing her in any disagreement
with my father at any one time.
Even when she had a different opinion,
she would just give in.
And my mother was very hardworking.
She used to go to the gardens every morning
and would come back in the evening.
That was her daily routine.
I loved her, but I never wanted to be like her.
I didn't want to be a gardener.
I looked up to some different kind of lifestyle.
I looked up to someone different,
and that was my auntie.
My auntie, who is the sister to my father,
was a business woman.
She used to go to attend to her businesses every day,
and she had a daily income.
She always had cash on her.
I admired her.
(audience laughs)
I wanted to be like her.
As a young girl, I remember I was so bright.
I used to come in the first position
for all the seven years of my junior school.
I loved school.
I loved studying.
I always dreamt of the day out graduate from university,
but it seemed so far away.
One Saturday, just like the other usual Saturdays,
we used to go for farming.
But this particular Saturday,
my father asked me to stay home
and do some house chores.
I think that excited me.
I hated farming.
Standing under the sun all day, gardening was not my thing.
(audience laughs)
So I jubilated, it was a blessing in disguise.
Later in the day,
the rest of the members came back from the gardens,
and my father called me, he told me to go prepare myself
because my auntie was coming with visitors.
And by the mention of my auntie coming with visitors,
I was so excited because this particular auntie
had promised to take me to a boarding school,
so I knew this was my time,
this was my day.
I went and started preparing myself.
But while at it, deep down me, I got sad,
because I was going to leave my mother.
I did not want to leave her.
But again something else told me,
you have to do this, Sarah.
If you want to liberate your mother from the gardens,
you have to go and study hard.
And suddenly I was re-energized.
Yes, I was excited again and started my preparations.
While in the bedroom, preparing and packing my clothes,
I heard a knock at the door,
and it was my mother.
As she walked through the door,
I noticed sadness in her eyes.
I noticed sadness on her face.
And I asked her, "Mom, why are you sad?
Are you not happy for me?
Don't you want me to go to boarding school?
I am not going forever.
I'll come back and check on you."
But in a very sad tone,
she told me,
"My daughter, you're not going for school.
You are going forever.
You're going to start your own family.
And you're going for marriage."
I asked her, "Mom, why?
Where?
To who?
And who planned this?"
I asked her a lot of questions, but she never answered any.
We all broke down in tears and she walked away.
As I was trying to wake up my soul from this very bad dream,
I heard another knock, and it was my auntie.
She walked in so excited, and told me to hurry up,
go greet the visitors because they had come.
I looked at her in disbelief,
and I asked her,
"Auntie, is this the boarding school that you promised me?
Are you throwing away my education?"
But she told me, "No, this is even better than
a boarding school.
This is the best option for you.
Things are going to be fine."
But I did not believe her.
I knew being a business woman,
she looked at me more as a commodity than a daughter.
She was more concerned with the dowry, with the bride price
that they were going to pay
in exchange for my hand in marriage.
I felt so disappointed.
I felt so betrayed.
But worst of all, by the person that I looked up to,
by the person that I admired.
I felt disappointed that at 14 years,
she wanted to marry me off.
I couldn't believe her.
I pulled myself together and went to the sitting room.
While in the sitting room, I greeted the visitors.
And later, my father asked me,
"Sarah, are you ready to go with this man?"
Now I kept thinking to myself, is this man serious?
Is my father serious?
He has already invited the visitors.
The money's already here.
He has come to take me.
And he's asking me whether I am ready?
Do I have a choice?
Why didn't he ask me before?
As I kept thinking this,
all this was running through my mind.
I heard a voice from the side of the corner of the house,
and it was saying, "No, my daughter is not going
for marriage until she finishes school."
When I looked, it was my mother.
My father barked at her,
and said, " Woman! Who are you to talk back at me?
Don't you know your position in this family?
I said she has to go.
After all, even after school she would get married."
But my mother answered in a very strong voice and said,
"No, she's not going anywhere."
Our culture is so funny.
Women are supposed to be submissive to the men.
There is even a saying, that when a man say something,
a woman should not object,
and a woman should not talk back at a man.
But here we are.
My mother who I always knew to be very submissive,
had finally gathered strength to talk back at my dad.
She surprised me, I didn't expect this from her.
At this point in time, it was a whole lot of chaos.
The visitors walked away.
(audience laughs)
And our dad told my mother,
if she's not ready to let me go for marriage,
we have to pack our bags and leave the house,
leave the home.
It was clear now, we had to leave this home
because my mother was not about to give up.
We packed our bags and ready to leave.
As I was stepping out of the house,
I got so scared.
I did not know what was coming next.
Yes, I did not want to go for marriage
because I was sure I would not continue with my education.
But again, I was not sure going with my mother
was the best option.
I was not sure going with her,
I would continue with my education.
Because she did not have any source of income.
I was torn between.
I didn't know which way to take.
We moved into a future that was not clear at all,
but we kept going.
We left and stayed at a friend to my mom.
And when finally my mom gathered some little money,
we moved to a rented house,
and we started life with a single mother.
Life was not easy at all.
It was hard, it was a challenging life.
We always lived a life of not enough ever.
My mother was used to a life
where she was being provided for,
and here we are,
she was the only provider of the home,
the sole provider of the house.
She worked so hard, did different kinds of petty businesses
to look for money.
She sold samosas.
She sold clothes.
And worked at a school as a office messenger,
trying to raise money, to look after us,
to take me to school.
And this continued,
we continued to persevere in this challenging life.
After a year,
one day my mother called me,
and she told me, "Sarah, I have gathered money.
I want to take you back to school.
And to a boarding school."
I got so excited.
She did it.
I doubted her, but she had made it.
She brought my dreams back alive.
I got so excited.
And at this point, I felt like she had brought many more
other dreams for me to chase.
I got so proud of my mother.
At first, I thought I would liberate her, but guess what?
She had liberated me.
I love my mother so much.
She is a woman of a rare character.
She has given up so much for me.
She gave up what other women in our culture wanted.
She gave up her marriage in fight for my education.
My mother, my hero.
Thank you.