Tess Brigham: Hey everybody, welcome back. Today I'm talking
about how to set boundaries with your co workers. And I'm going
to teach you five tips that you can use that will help you
effectively communicate what you want and what you don't want
with the people that you work with. So for all the best
advice, guidance and support and actionable tools, come and
subscribe to my YouTube channel, I am here every single Thursday,
I'm Tess Brigham licensed psychotherapist and coach. And
for over 15 years, I've been working with young people just
like you to help them figure out who they are, what they want,
and how to live their best lives. All right, let's get
started. So we've all had those co workers, right? We've all
had, you know, chatty, Cathy over here, we've all had B
downer for sure, we've all had the person who talks really loud
on the phone, we've all had nightmare co workers of all
different kinds, right. But there are some co workers that
really can push our buttons and push us in many ways, right?
demand things of us that really aren't in our job description,
that, you know, tend to think that they're the only ones who
have projects and emergencies and, you know, really are always
asking you to drop everything, or you have the co worker who
has no boundaries at all, and really can't respect your own
boundaries. So this is why setting boundaries is critical,
in order to, you know, not only get through work, but really to
be seen as a leader, because you want your bosses and the other
people at work to be able to see that this is someone who can
effectively communicate, ask for what they want and need, and
also prioritize themselves and their own projects, right. These
are all really great leadership qualities and tools that you
have to remember if you want to move up and be seen as someone
who is a leader. All right. So let's talk a little bit about
boundaries. I have another video called How to stop being a
people pleaser and set better boundaries. And in that one, I
talk about boundaries, and the three C's to creating
boundaries. But just really quickly, what are personal
boundaries. So personal boundaries are this invisible
line that we create with people as a way of telling people, this
is how I want to be treated. So if you have no boundaries with
people, what happens is ultimately you are going to be
taken advantage of, you know, people, they don't do it intent
some people do, but most people don't do it intentionally. But
it's really important that you spend some time understanding
what your boundaries are, and being able to effectively
communicate with people in order to really get your own needs
met. And a lot of times I think people think boundaries are bad
or negative. Because they're seen as like, well, I want to be
seen as a team player, I want to be a nice person. That's got
nothing to do with boundaries. You can be a team player and a
nice person, and also not spend five hours one night helping
Marsha out with a project because she did not prioritize
her time very well. Right. Okay. So let's talk about the five
things. All right. Number one is know your boundaries, know what
they are, you know, always when you start a new job, that's
always the best time to set boundaries, because you're kind
of starting fresh. But no matter where you are, if you if you're
starting a new job, or if you've been here for 10 years, you can
always set boundaries, you just have to know what they are
meaning Are you willing to work after hours? Do you work on the
weekends? Do you get texts from people and respond to them on
the weekends? You know, how much do you have lots of projects
outside of work that are really, you know, need to be focused on
that you want to focus on and you don't want to focus on work?
Do you have kids, or you know, an elderly family member that
you're taking care of, and you really can't be dealing with
phone calls during that time. These things are really
important. So you have to know what your boundaries are, you
know, right away in order to be able to do number two, which is
communicate your boundaries, tell people what your boundaries
are. And actually, the best thing that you can do is tell
people what your boundaries are prior to things happening, which
are, hey, Marsha, I know we're working on this project
together. You know, FYI, I'm planning on leaving today at six
o'clock. I'm not going to be working through the weekend. So
we can talk again Monday at 9am about what's next. You know,
tell people ahead of time communicate that ahead of time,
what it is that your boundaries are so that they don't have to
guess them or anticipate them. Number three, if someone
violates your boundary, and again, they're not doing this to
be mean or malicious. But if we violate your boundary. You want
to nip it in the bud right away, cut it off ASAP. Because what
happens a lot of times is, oh, I told Marsha, I'm not answering
emails on a Saturday. Oh, she emailed me, Oh, God, I'll just
respond. It'll be easier. And then you're shocked that she
keeps emailing you every Saturday. It's like that first
Saturday, you have to not respond. And then Monday
morning, you know, say, Oh, hey, I saw your email on you know, I
wouldn't even say you saw the email, just say, Oh, I checked
my email this morning. I saw that you messaged me on
Saturday. I'm getting to you now, right here and Monday. So
you want to nip it in the bud? Because the longer you wait, the
harder it's going to be to change? And course correct.
Because, again, boundaries are you know, how it's we're
expressing to people how we want to be treated. And if you don't
nip it in the bud, then it's really easy for people to
mistake what your boundaries are. All right for is when you
set your boundaries and communicate your boundaries that
be clear and concise, but give some context, right? You want to
say no, Marsha, you know, I can't help you tonight. Because
I'm working on another project. And that's due on Friday. That's
it. You know, you You are very clear, concise. No, I'm sorry, I
can't do that. This is why and that's it. And if Marcia keeps
bugging you about it say well, my thing is due on Friday, at
two o'clock, you know, Friday at two o'clock. You know, you can
revisit me on three o'clock on Friday. But I'm telling you now,
I don't know if I have the time. But we can talk about it. Right?
You can there's all these different ways for you to be
able to very, like very cleanly and nicely be able to say no,
without even really sending the words No, but you just want to
be able to be clear, concise, and give some context into why
right people need a reason. If you don't have a reason. It
really will push people away and you don't want to create
animosity. And that's the fear, right? We don't say no, because
we do fear that animosity from people. So that's why the
reasons in place, all right, five, anticipate that people are
going to screw up, anticipate that you people will push that
and you want to be able to have like a few phrases in your
arsenal here to remember to be able to, you know respond to
people. Marsha will continue to screw up, Marshall will continue
to message you on Saturday, it might take weeks and weeks and
weeks. So it's good for you to be able to on Monday, be able to
keep redirecting, keep pointing it out to her keep doing all
that in a kind, thoughtful, but concise and effective manner.
Right. Just simply be aware and don't get frustrated because
it's easy to get frustrated. And it's easy to question the
boundaries. But don't do that your boundaries are worthwhile,
stick to them. But just recognize that people aren't
always going to be able to get it the first time. All right. So
I if you enjoy this video, I have another video called How to
deal with a passive aggressive coworker. So if you have a
passive aggressive co worker, this is the right video for you.
And I also have another video on how to deal with a toxic boss.
These are great videos if you are struggling with how to
manage life at work. And please if you love this video, please
give it a thumbs up and even better share it spread the word.
I would love to see you and your family and everybody subscribe
to my channel. Alright, that's it for this week. I'll see you
next time. Bye