(both counting to 24)
- [Ned] Yeah, could you?
- Oh, I’m coming over, baby.
Don’t you worry.
- I need an extra hand.
(both grunting)
(laughing)
- Woah! - Oh!
Woah!
- Double dutch.
(both laughing)
- Aw, man.
Aw, that was fun.
(crushing and laughing)
- I’m so drunk.
- Woo!
Drunk?
- I don’t know…I can’t remember now what I am.
- I wonder how much alcohol I can put in this before it’s too alcoholic.
(pouring)
- Maybe I should exercise restraint.
- [Ned] Alright, let’s see.
Do we taste the bourbon?
Oh, yeah. We taste the bourbon.
- Oh no! Oh no!
- What?
- I got powder in my mouth, Ned!
- You got powder?
- I got peanut butter powder! - Oh no!
- Oh no! Keith!
- So dry.
- Here, take some of my milk!
- That helped.
- Okay, good!
- This is my friend.
This is my new friend.
(banging)
- I’m thinking of putting a little sprinkle of cheese in it!
Just a little!
Like, not a ton even!
You want a little bit of cheese in your meringue.
(laughing) I don’t know about that.
- I don’t know. Well?
You know, it’s a savory cookie.
I’m trying to savor the summer.
(loud whirring and Keith harmonizing with it)
- That is loud.
Ow, that is awful!
(to the tune of “Carol of the Bells) ♪ Merry merry merry merry pizza ♪
(singing the tune of “Carol of the Bells”)
♪ Pizza ♪
(sings low note)
(sings high notes)
(imitating bells)
(Keith gasps)
- Man, I’m so good at this. - [Ned] That looks pretty good.
(snaps)
Hmm.
(laughs)
- [Ned] What?
- I broke the whisk.
- [Eugene] Ope, I broke the whisk.
- [Zach] Oh my god!
- Oh no, there’s metal in my ice cream.
I’m just gonnna assume there’s no extra shards in there.
(snaps)
- [Zach] You got it, man!
- I broke it! It’s okay!
Let’s go for it!
(clicking)
(laughing)
Did I break it? - It’s okay, Eugene!
Eugene, we’re number one and number two!
We’re doing so good!
- I make pizza with little Wesley all the time.
- Well hey, look!
I could be…
Look, I could be your son!
- Okay!
Okay, let’s do that! - I could be like “papa!”
(imitating Wes with an Italian accent) Papa, you wanna make the pizza?
(laughing)
(classical music with eggs plopping)
- Take a moment, take a moment, uh.
What have we learned so far?
- You’re right, Eugene.
- You should add…
- M&Ms. - More!
(both laughing)
(eggs plopping)
- Nothin’ wrong with eggs.
- Is that enough eggs?
I feel like…
I’m just gonna put more stuff in it.
- Vanilla.
(pouring)
(laughing) Oh, f**k.
(laughing) All of you!
Get in there!
- I over-spice things, so I’m just gonna do that much.
- What is this?
What is this red stuff on my thumb?
- [Narrator] Keith is about to consume Eugene’s leftover gochujang.
In 3, 2, 1.
- Oh, it’s so spicy!
- What?
- Oh! What is…what is spicy?
(Zach laughing) What?
- What is spicy on this table?
- Eugene put pepper in his cookies?
- My hand’s covered in pepper!
Eugene! What are you doing with pepper in the cookie episode?
- When did I cut myself?
- You don’t want blood in your ice cream.
- I don’t want blood in my ice cream, especially if a child is eating it.
Can’t poison the next generation.
(coughing and gagging)
- This might be totally inedible, but
I’m just going for it.
- In all of our Without a Recipes, I’ve never talked about Zadiko Tea Co.
So I’m gonna make a green tea clementine cake.
(laughing)
That really pours, huh?
- I’m gonna put in some cardamom.
Just to spice it up.
- [Keith] There you go, more flavors!
Alright, let’s get some water…
(coughing and laughing)
- I’m gonna put some almond extract…
- [Narrator] Uh oh, look’s like Zach is also going to make a mistake.
(coughing) Oh my god!
- No, it’s not good!
- Oh my god!
It’s like spicy alcohol!
- Yeah, it’s alcohol!
- Oh my god!
- Why’d you do that?
- I wanted to know what it tasted like before I put it in my cookies!
(champagne pops)
- Oh my god!
(laughing) You f**king ass!
- [Eugene] What the f**k are you doing?
- Why is it…it has a yellow cap!
Why would that be orange?
(sizzling)
- [Keith] Here’s where Zach learns what happens when you mix water and hot oil!
And cover it?
(laughing in disbelief)
- Yeah, baby!
Woo! Let’s have an explosion!
(Ned laughing)
(pops)
- What?
(laughing) What?
- Me trying to get the soup situation going.
- Wow. Is that how they do that?
- I don’t know.
- [Keith] It isn’t, but I’m loving it.
(Eugene laughing maniacally)
- [Zach] Something’s going on with yours.
(sizzles)
- Ow, fu— (laughing)
(both laughing) [Eugene] Why would you?
- I can’t remember.
(sizzles)
- F**k!
- I need to put peanut butter in here.
It needs to be peanut butter brownies.
But if I put the peanut butter in there, then I could melt it,
and then the oil gets through…thank you.
But if I don’t put peanut butter in there,
then I’m just making boring f**king brownies, and what’s the fun of that?
- Just sort of treat it like a dish soap.
- [Lauren] Ew!
That looks like just a colossal failure,
and I think that you should just start again.
Just like look down.
Like, really take in what’s happening over there.
- It’s getting better!
- Woo!
- Oh, no!
- Oh!
(clattering and laughing)
(slow motion clattering and laughing)
- Got completely out of the plastic wrap and now it’s on the floor.
Oh no!
Did we clean the floor beforehand?
- Did we wash the floor with soap and water?
- Rachel, are you going to allow this?
- Zest off the dirt.
Zest off the dirt.
- [Zach] Oh no.
Oh, it’s spilling.
Oh, we’re spilling.
Here, let’s just cool it down a little.
Oh, no. Oh! We’re spilling.
Oh, no!
Oh, no. Oh!
- Oh my god.
(fire alarm beeping) - Oh yeah, what’s happening?
(laughing) Oh, no.
I got it.
(laughing) That’s what I’m saying.
I got it. I’m making a bowl.
(yells) F**k!
- Don’t give up. Pour oil into it.
Please, listen to me.
Please! Head my advice!
(sprays)
- Pss. Okay.
- How did that even happen?
I don’t even know what to do.
- What happened?
- Oh!
Oh, I dropped it!
No!
- No!
Oh, it even smells burnt.
No!
What the shit?
Oh my god!
Oh my god, oh my god!
- How’d this even happen?
What even is that?
I don’t even know what to do.
How did this even happen?
How did that even happen?
How…how did it happen?
How’d it do this?
What happened?
(distorted) I’m so confused.
(distorted “oh!”)
(Ned trying to compose himself) - Okay.
Let’s just, let’s just…
Let’s just not freak out for a second here.
(Ned groaning)
- Oh my gosh.
Ned, are you okay?
I’d pat your back, but I got cheese hands.
- I had two cheeses.
But I only received one cheese.
They were combined? Next to each other?
(breathing heavily)
- That wasn’t his vision.
- Why were they next to each other?
No!
I went through the whole thing!
To remake it!
What happened to my cheddar?
- I need a hug. I need a hug.
- Just ‘cause you’re in a vulnerable moment.
- I don’t know, Zach!
(laughing)
I don’t know!
- It’s all going to shit!
- Oh, mine is rising! Just…
(Zach laughing)
Only on one side.
It’s really rising on one side.
- Oh my god, it’s got a bubble!
- [Ned] I think I put too much butter in.
This is awful!
I’m losing my ridges!
- Oh, the balls are trying to escape.
I gotta go!
These bubes are gonna be chock full of balls.
- [Ned] I’ll put your balls in my mouth.
- Ned!
Birthday!
- [Keith] Oh boy, this is funny.
This is cold open material right here.
Whatever’s happening here is wild.
(laughing) Oh god.
(laughing) Oh god!
Not like this!
(Ned screams)
(Keith laughs) You’re halfway…
Oh my god, Ned.
(Keith laughing) Oh my god, Ned, no.
(Ned laughing) No!
- Ned, no.
- Look at them. It’s getting even worse!
No!
They’re gonna be squares by the end of this!
- We’re f**ked!
- I tell you what. I’ve never seen this ever.
- F**k!
- Why did this f**king happen?
It was perfect yesterday!
It was f**king perfect!
What happened?
Why do we have to refrigerate it?
(Ned screaming) Why couldn’t we just leave it?
Why couldn’t we just serve it? Just bring the judges in…
(Ned screaming)
- One is a stronger oven than the other…
(laughs)
- My pasta water’s not boiling yet!
- One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
- Stop! Keith!
I’m trying to concentrate.
(Keith counting)
- Where’s the knife? Where’s the knife?
We don’t have a knife?
I need a f**king knife!
- No, you can’t use those knives.
- Well, maybe it’s this.
(screams)
- It can’t be that!
Did we get it?
- Woo! Woah.
- Woo!
- That was everything but the kitchen sink.
- Wow.
- Oh my god, the kitchen sink! - We forgot the kitchen sink!
(both laughing)
- Watcha…
Whatcha feeling?
- Despair.
- Yeah.