Here is how this works.
TWitch and I are going to ask a question about the audience.
Then one of us is going to guess how many people in the audience
have done that particular thing.
Then--
[ARSENIO LAUGHING]
--the other person will guess higher or lower.
And we have these paddles with higher or lower that Ellen made
because she's so damn rich.
She don't know what to do with her money.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Let's get started.
OK.
TWitch, how many people in this audience
have an embarrassing nickname?
Have an embarrassing nickname.
Yes.
OK.
Now you got to look at the audience for a second.
Yeah.
Get a feel for who--
OK.
I'm going to say--
I'm going to say 32 have--
Wow.
--an embarrassing nickname.
That's a lot of funny names.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to go lower than that.
I'm going to say lower.
I'm going to say 12.
Wow.
OK.
OK?
OK, show your hands.
How many of you have an embarrassing nickname?
34.
34?
34.
I was two off.
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]
Somebody grab a mic.
I want to meet some of these people.
So what's your nickname?
Hi, I'm Stephanie, and my family nickname is "Fathead".
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
You're a beautiful woman, how did
you get the nickname "Fathead"?
Well, I guess growing up one of my cousins
just thought I have like an enormously big head.
So growing up, she called me Fathead.
Do people still call you Fathead?
Yeah.
When they scream Fathead, I automatically turn around.
And I assume they're talking to me.
That's hilarious, but this will make you feel better.
I'm from Cleveland and they used to call me "Fatass".
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
So I'll take "Fathead" any day.
OK, tWitch.
OK.
How many people--
Wait, I think that's me.
That is me.
Oh!
You get to start it.
I'm going to ask you--
See?
OK--
That's why they keep you here even when Ellen's not.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
You're the glue, brother.
OK, Arsenio.
OK.
How many people have had a sex dream about someone they
shouldn't?
Uh-uh.
I might go high on this number.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Because I know a bunch of freaks when I see them.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
I'm going 120.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
How about you tWitch?
You say 120?
Yes, sir.
OK, I'm going to say lower because people
don't want to be found out.
So I'm saying--
Oh yes!
You know what I mean?
You're right.
They're not going to tell the truth anyway.
Yeah.
OK, raise your hands if this has happened.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
23.
Look, the people are like "Mm-mm".
23.
23?
Right.
Lies!
How many people have been mortified--
Do you have kids?
I have kids.
OK, good.
Yes, sir.
How many people have been mortified by something
that their kid has said?
Oh, oh.
OK.
Your guess.
I'm going to say--
OK.
Because not everybody in the audience is a parent,
I don't think, all right?
So I'm going to say--
Wait, why do you say that?
I'm just saying.
I don't think that--
I just don't think that.
Yeah, you know?
Because also, the roommate story would
have been really different if kids get involved.
Yes.
That's what I'm saying.
Yes.
I'm just saying.
It's just been different.
I'm going to say 54 people have been mortified
by what their kids said.
I'm going to say--
I'm going to say lower.
I'm going to go 10.
Go 10?
OK, raise your hands if you've been mortified by something
your child has said.
One, two--
30.
--three.
Well, OK.
Quick count said 30.
30.
OK.
Hi!
Oh!
Young lady--
Yes?
What did your-- Do you have a girl or a boy?
I have a little girl.
And what did she say?
Well, she was like 3.
And you know, I'm a woman like a lot of us are in here.
And she goes, "Mom, why do you have
a price tag hanging from you?"
Uh-oh.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
And I go, "Honey, when you get older, you'll understand."
[TWITCH LAUGHING]
So you know, it's the monthly thing,
and she thought they were price tags.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Oh.
Oh!
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]
Oh!
You know, I only have this job for one day,
so I'm not going to say nothing about what you talking about.
Because I'm trying to keep the job for the whole hour.
I know.
Wow.
Your turn, tWitch.
Wow!
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
OK.
Ooh.
Wow!
OK.
OK, Arsenio, how many people have
been how many people have been turned on
by a fictional character?
Oh, wow!
I might not go high on this number,
but I know I used to think that Betty Rubble was
fine on The Flintstones.
Betty Rubble?
Yeah.
[TWITCH CHUCKLES]
I'm going to say 10.
10.
Yes.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to say higher.
You go for it.
Because like, we're thinking about just cartoon characters,
but in fictional characters can be like movie characters.
Yeah.
Like you know, all--
It could be that dude from Bridgerton.
Exactly
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
See?
Look.
See?
So I'm going to say higher.
Higher for sure.
OK, so raise your hands if you've been turned on
by a fictional character.
46.
Wow!
The number is 46 in the audience.
Oh, hi!
Hi.
Who is this person that you've been turned on by?
Troy Bolton.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND CLAPPING]
OK.
Unless he's a character from Good Times, I don't know who--
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
He's in High School Musical.
High S-- Oh, yes!
I do know who that is.
Does he still do it for you?
Absolutely.
OK.
We should move on!
As a matter of fact, I think the way out of this
is how many would like to see tWitch Dance?
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]