and we have that beheading on Saturday
ah yes
and the Sunday we have our annual
potluck with the king and queen of
Toluca how delightful
oh and Prince Theodor shall be there you
know he's currently unattached to a
princess yeah because he's gay Morty my
dear uh whatever
now Britannia we're getting closer and
closer to our agreed-upon date whether I
know you put scrolls in my bedroom like
every day dad and you remember our
agreement if you can't find a suitable
prince by the end of the year not useful
for years right but also you are free to
make any choice that your little heart
desires oh why are you the worst it's
why are you so wicked
you're not wicked my dear thank you good
Eve princess
oh hey Mina did you get a new spinning
wheel yeah it's like my third one I
don't really know how they work so
what's wrong feel privileged as a rich
white noblewoman no longer pleasing to
you no it's not that just my dad and my
wicked stepmother they don't listen to
me I'm not interested in princes we
should go to the flaccid crossbow
tonight I don't know all of the fair
maidens will be there okay I do have a
pretty good dress I've been wanting to
wear
feast your eyes on these prospects my
eyes aren't hungry oh look at that
brooding beauty the town poet she
practically speaks in couplets a
romantic who would thrust courtly love
upon thy bosom or I will hardly love on
my bosom for whom if you were wrong she
will document the pain that you caused
her in hopes of making it a social
pariah
but I'll slash the seats of guy royal
carriage goodness dude how about her
brand her herbal remedy cured my fever
last week that isn't daring any side
effects no well sometimes when I sneeze
I do climax that sounds awful hey now
all it takes is a pinch of pepper and
I'm off to the races I I can see how
that might get awkward yeah
what about Jester car hey what with the
feudal system right I mean if I wanted
to give up my goods to a fat white guy I
just go back to whoring it no kisses
will only get you so far she's not bad
I can't the Belles the props the burlap
sack ventriloquist dummy I know okay how
about who who welded together Okafor
okk and/or really observant strong for
she could build you a castle with her
bare hands
she makes me question my own desires
anyone would be lucky to make her
acquaintance
seems like somebody already has her on
that works what Oh
moving on you most certainly enjoy the
company of lady Meredith the most caring
of all the maidens and what a nurturing
soul and very familiar with female
anatomy but a known virgin she spends
all day tending to vaginas but doesn't
actually touch them you are hard to
please princess I'm sorry but the last
girl that I dated only talk to animals I
mean I'm a little afraid to jump back
into the dating mode okay the last
eligible maiden is that isn't over there
I'm not into waking up earlier dirty
fingernails who's she
I don't recognize her
I can fix that you hammer a nail a
hammer on a nail
on a blowtorch her slipper I'll touch it
it could be ready with disease achoo
and so princess pretend you're vowed to
find the peasant girl for true love had
never appeared so clearly or one such
nice shoes xox I know we're not doing
that
but I'll bloody hell
Oh