hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're gonna learn about four steps to stop
being socially awkward now let's begin number one accepting the inevitable awkwardness is a
part of life there's just no way around it no matter how confident driven or sociable you are
you'll still run into your fair share of awkward moments you'll accidentally miss a handshake
oops you'll wave at someone who's not waving at you oh oh you'll tell a joke that no one laughs
at mm-hmm these moments are uncomfortable and annoying but they're inevitable accepting that
inevitability is your first step toward becoming less socially awkward in other words you can own
your awkwardness to create less of it yeah I know it sounds backwards but let me explain most people
aren't socially awkward because they're doing awkward things they just think they are they're
hyper aware of every potentially awkward thing they do but it's actually their reaction that
makes people uncomfortable even if awkwardness is inevitable there are ways to turn a weird moment
into a fun one let's say you're telling a story about something dumb that you did at work you
get a few laughs but notice an extended silence afterwards if you're socially awkward you might
assume the worst you take this awkward silence as a sign that you have terrible social skills now
you start to think you aren't funny you assume no one likes you you blow these awkward moments
so far out of proportion that you can never recover because you're scared of making things
awkward again you decide to play it safe you stop acting like yourself your fear of awkwardness ends
up ruining your chances of connecting with the people around you but social awkwardness isn't
some unique disease only you suffer from no it isn't a strange feeling that no one has ever felt
before no decent person is going to dislike you from making things awkward because they've done
the same thing plenty of times themselves who hasn't held the door open for someone who was
too far away or heard their waiters say enjoy your meal and thanks you to these goofy moments often
turn into funny stories but only if you react the right way people who are socially awkward
tend to make one of two mistakes when something uncomfortable happens they either under act or
over act under acting is when you mute or muffle your personality you don't like yourself because
you're worried people won't accept who you really are instead you stay quiet and self-contained sure
you won't make the most memorable impression but at least you won't make things weird right wrong
when you under act everyone around you will feel like you don't want to be there even though you're
just trying to be cautious people will assume you're annoyed sad or bored and that just makes
things super awkward for everyone on the flip side overacting is when you try to be something
that you're not you might want people to think you're cool likeable or outgoing you cover up
your real personality with a fake one thinking it will make you less awkward but that isn't how it
works mm-hmm it isn't hard to tell when someone's putting on an act people can and will see right
through you you'll end up missing out on potential connections because you were too busy maintaining
your mask so what should you do instead instead of trying to avoid the awkwardness learn how to make
the best of it one of the best ways to neutralize an awkward moment is to laugh at yourself don't
try to play off your mistake like it didn't happen you shouldn't be afraid to be a little
self-deprecating you want to show people that you don't mind messing up that you're okay with doing
something dumb every once in a while and at the end of the day your best friends are the people
you feel comfortable being awkward around number two consistent activity many socially awkward
people spend way too much time in their own heads they overthink each and every word they say they
overanalyze every little thing people do they go back and forth wondering if they've made a new
friend or ruin everything these mental gymnastics distract you from the most important part of
being social forming bonds you may have a hard time connecting because you're paying too much
attention to yourself say a new friend tells you a story about how they went hiking in the mountains
were you actually listening or were you trying to think of something cool to say when they were done
often times you're trying so hard to control your awkwardness that you didn't relate to the people
around you by telling you a personal story this person was trying to connect with you they made
an attempt to invest in the relationship normally this is a perfect opportunity for you to do the
same thing if you're too concentrated on yourself people will think you aren't interested so how
exactly do you show someone that you're present well you start by getting off your phone socially
awkward people tend to use their phones like shields whenever they feel an uncomfortable moment
coming on they hide behind texts or social media looking at your phone might seem like a great way
to avoid that awkward silence but it does more harm than good now I know this sounds obvious
but countless people don't realize how their phone is impacting their friendships the simple truth is
it puts people off it makes them feel like you're intentionally stepping away from the conversation
why should they bother caring if you don't people appreciate when you fight through the awkward
moments with them it might be embarrassing but it's one of the best ways to build stronger bonds
now that you've put your phone away show them that your present by finding ways to relate if they say
something you agree with tell them why when they divulge an embarrassing story go ahead and spill
one of your own even if they say something you don't understand you can relate by asking them for
more information there are tons of ways to show that you're present but they all revolve around
one thing staying active in the conversation no matter how awkward you are people need to
know that you're trying number three the spotlight effect if you're socially awkward you might think
people are paying more attention to you than they actually are you might feel like you're constantly
under a spotlight when you look around the room does it seem like people scrutinizing everything
you do this is a common psychological phenomenon called the spotlight effect since you're used
to over analyzing yourself you assume everyone else is doing the same thing imagine you spill
a drink on your pants you immediately decide you look ridiculous so you spend the whole
night going out of your way to cover it up you try so hard to make sure no one sees but 99% of
the time no one would even notice even if they do they wouldn't think twice about it each and
every person has their own complicated life to worry about psychologists call this theory of
mind it's our ability to attribute unique thoughts and beliefs to the billions of other people in the
world we actually learn this when we're toddlers but it's incredibly easy to forget especially when
we're feeling insecure the truth is everyone else is just as worried about being awkward
looking their best and making a good impression you're obsessing about your pants the girl next
to you might be paranoid about a rip in her sleeve the guy in the corner he might be hiding the mole
on his arm my point is that no one worries about what you do as much as you do so don't be scared
to make connections and be yourself live your life like no one's watching because most of the
time no one is number four social tag-teaming even if you feel more comfortable being social
it's hard to meet new people to practice with now in theory starting up a conversation should be
simple you walk up you say hi and ask how their nights going and boom you've got a conversation
but in reality it's never that easy is it you may know how to hold a conversation but that doesn't
mean you're an expert at starting them this is where an outgoing teammate comes in handy
you want to bring along someone who can smooth over that initial rough patch let them handle
the awkward introductions while you slip in once the conversation gets interesting the trick is
to find one thing to latch on to you might chime in with a funny ending to your friends story or
maybe you ask the other person a question about something they said not only is that a natural
entrance but it also gives people something to relate to right off the bat hey don't worry about
inserting yourself where you don't belong using a teammate essentially gives you an excuse to enter
any conversation they do just make sure you're not hiding in their shadow it's easy to let a
more outgoing friend do all the talking but what does that accomplish they'll be making new friends
while you're just along for the ride so make sure you're always involved in the conversation
your friend might be handling most of the small talk but you can still make an impression as an
individual look for ways to specifically connect with other people beside your friend for example
if someone shares one of your interests go ahead and tell them that you're passionate
about the same thing this makes you relatable and memorable outside of your friend now of course you
won't need your teammate forever this technique is great to learn with but eventually you should
tackle the introduction on your own but don't worry the more you do it the easier it gets once
you've talked to enough people you'll realize they aren't nearly as scary as they seem ok thank you
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