[jazz music starts playing]
♪ ♪
[clears throat]
- OH, HONEY, I AM TIRED.
I AM GOING TO BED.
GOOD NIGHT.
- UH, WELL...
[laughs]
- IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
- WELL, THAT'S, UH--
IT'S--IT'S JUST THAT I WAS HOPING THAT--
WELL, THAT WE COULD--
AND I-I WANNA MAKE THIS CLEAR.
I-I-I WANNA BE STRAIGHTFORWARD.
I WANT TO HAVE A--
- OKAY. UH, LUTHER?
ARE YOU AVAILABLE TO TRANSLATE?
- YES, MA'AM.
[clears throat]
- I REALLY WAS HOPING WE COULD SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER.
- WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME WE HAD SEX, WOMAN?
REELECTION NIGHT?
WHAT DOES A BROTHER NOT NAMED "BILL CLINTON"
HAVE TO DO TO GET SOME [bleep] IN THIS HOUSE?
- WELL, YOU HAVE BEEN VERY BUSY LATELY.
- MM-HMM. MM-HMM.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF I COULD J--CAN WE GET YOUR TRANSLATOR?
- OH, YES, CERTAINLY. UH, CATENDRA?
- YEAH, HONEY?
- COULD YOU PLEASE TRANSLATE
"WELL, YOU HAVE BEEN VERY BUSY LATELY."
- SURE. - HM.
- MY [bleep] AIN'T ONE OF YOUR LIMOUSINES
THAT YOU CAN JUMP IN AND OUT OF
WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE.
I DON'T SEE YOU ALL DAY,
THEN YOU WANT A BOOTY CALL?
I NEED AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION, [bleep].
- THOUGHT THIS WAS ROMANTIC.
- I'M [bleep]IN' TRYIN', BITCH!
CAN'T YOU SEE?
I'M PLAYIN' THE ROMANTIC MUSIC.
I GOT THE PINOT IN THE GLASSES.
WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
AN ENGRAVED INVITATION FROM MY NUTS?
- MAYBE WE SHOULD MAKE A DATE.
- WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO,
JUMP OUT OF MY CLOTHES EVERY TIME
LITTLE BARRY STANDS AT ATTENTION?
YOU AIN'T MY COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF, MOTHER-[bleep],
AND MY VAGINA AIN'T SOME CAVE IN THE MIDDLE EAST
YOU CAN FLY YOUR HEAT-SEEKING MISSILE INTO
WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT.
- WELL, I-I DIDN'T MEAN TO CALL YOU,
BUT I-I HAD MEETINGS ALL DAY LONG.
- I'M DEALIN' WITH THESE MOTHER-[bleep] REPUBLICANS
HEARIN' "NO, NO, NO" ALL DAY LONG.
THEN I COME HOME, AND YOU AIN'T GONNA LET ME
GET MY JAM ON UP IN HERE?
- WELL, YOU KNOW, I HAVE HAD A BUSY DAY TOO.
- YOU ACT LIKE I AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' ELSE TO DO, [bleep].
I GOT THESE OBESE MOTHER-[bleep]
ON MY ASS 24/7.
WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT-- YOU GETTIN' YOUR WICK DIPPED
OR SOME EIGHT-YEAR-OLD FAT-ASS COLLAPSIN' IN HIS BUNK BED?
- OKAY.
- YOU SEEM TO BE FORGETTIN' JOB NUMBER ONE.
YOU ARE MY SECRETARY OF [bleep], BITCH!
GET TO WORK!
- YOU. [chuckles]
[groaning and moaning]
- LUTHER? CATENDRA?
- OH, YES, YES, SIR.
- WE'LL--WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.
- ABSOLUTELY--YES, SIR. - YES, MA'AM.
- GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.
- [laughs]
[chuckles]
- COME HERE. - OH, THIS FEELS GOOD.
- UM, MOM? DAD?
I KNOW YOU ALREADY SAID THAT I CAN'T GO,
BUT CAN I PLEASE GO TO THE PARTY TONIGHT?
- MALIA, USE YOUR TRANSLATOR.
- IF YOU DON'T LET ME GO TO THIS PARTY,
I WILL GET A TATTOO
ON MY FACE.
- HAVE FUN. - YEAH.