>> GUTFELD STARTS RIGHT NOW.
>> A HAPPY APRIL THE SEE GOOD
DAY APRIL.
BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS
ABUSE BESIDES MAX KILLS BIRTHDAY
?
WAS MOJO AND BARLEY MILLER.
THE FIRST YEAR IN THE BURSARY
OUR BIRTHDAY.
IT EVEN OUTLASTED, AS A STAFF.
WHEN YOU’RE OLD.
A BABY.
WHAT AN AMAZING BABY WE ARE.
THE TYPE OF BABY TO SKIP THE
CRAWLING PHASE.
WE RAN OUT OF THE WOMB AND NEVER
LOOKED BACK.
WE ARE CERTAINLY BETTER THAN A
REAL BABY.
OF THOSE THINGS.
LITERALLY.
IT’S NOT YOUR MOM SUPPRESSED,
YOU DON’T.
LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BABY.
GROW UP ALREADY.
AND THEY NEVER GET CUTER.
I CAN ADULT ALCOHOLIC ONLY
UGLIER AND UGLIER UNTIL PUBERTY
WHEN YOU CAN’T LOOK AT THEM.
AT LEAST UNTIL THEY’RE OVER 18
ACCORDING TO MY PROBATION
OFFICER.
WHAT DOES HE KNOW, HE’S 12.
THE SHOW IS DIFFERENT.
WE GET MORE DURABLE.
IN MY CASE, HOTTER.
LOOK AT THE CHART.
YOU SEE AS THE MONTHS GO ON, I
GET MORE AND MORE GORGEOUS.
I MIGHT GIVE E-MAIL A VERSION OF
CAITLIN JENNER.
COULD THIS EXPLAIN THAT WHY
THEY’RE SHOW IT SO SUCCESSFUL?
I DEFY AGING INPUT OTHER GROSS
UP MAIL AT TALKSHOW HOST ASHAMED
?
LET’S LOOK AT THE OTHER GRAPH
CREATED BY THE NATIONAL
ASSOCIATION OF FACIAL SYMMETRY
OR NASA.
YES IT, MY FACE A MORE
SYMMETRICAL AND MUCH MORE
ATTRACTIVE.
IT’S NOT EVEN CLOSE.
THERE ARE OTHER REASONS I’M
GREAT.
WE WILL GET TWO THAT IN OUR
UPCOMING SPECIAL.
>> WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCES BY
GALLAGHER AND JOE ALSTYNE.
>> JOEL AND I GO WAY BACK.
AND JUST A FEW SHORT MONTHS,
WE’VE SEEN DEPRESSED THE
COMPETITION BEATING THOSE HYPED
UP LATE-NIGHT SHOWS WITHOUT EVEN
BREAKING A SWEAT.
I AM THE LEOTARD MUST OF
LATE-NIGHT BUT WITH A BETTER.
WE WERE TOLD IT WOULD TAKE YEARS
BUT IT TOOK NEWMAN’S HAD CAMEL,
FELL ON THE DAILY SHOW SETH
WHAT’S HER FACE.
LIKE MY PANTS DURING MARDI GRAS,
I’M NOT SURE THEY ARE STILL.
WE EVEN BIG COLBERT WHICH ISN’T
GETTING HELL DEPRESSING HIS SHOW
HAS BECOME.
THE LITTLE-KNOWN FACT OF THE
COLBERT SHOW WAS ON IN EPSTEIN’S
.
>> WE ALSO CRUSHED OUR NEWS
RIVALS TO BE FORCED BRIAN
WILLIAMS TO RETIRE.
WERE SO BRUTALLY SEE AN
INCREDIBLE QUEST PROMO ONE COULD
SAY THEY’D STILL BE THERE IF YOU
WERE HERE.
THAT ONE WOULD BE JESUS CHRIST.
AND THAT JUST ONE YEAR, WE’VE
ACCOMPLISHED SO MUCH.
SO MANY IN THE MEDIA HAD TO HATE
IT.
AT THE START, THEY TRASH THE
SHOW AND SAID WOULD BE
UNDERWATER LIKE A KENNEDY DATE.
SOOTHE A SMALL LOW RATINGS OF
THE HATERS DID WHERE THESE
CRITICS GO?
IT JUST FOLLOW THAT INSTEAD OF
RUTHLESS MASTURBATION.
THAT’S CALVIN KLEIN’S LATEST
FRAGRANCE.
AT LEAST ONE CABLE NETWORK IS
COVERING US.
>> TO ON THE CHEST NEWS NETWORK.
>> DAVID WITH THE CHEST NEWS
NETWORK BECOMING AMERICA’S
NATIONAL NIGHTMARE DAY 365 OF
THE GUTFELD SHOW.
CAN SEE THE STREETS ARE THICK
LIQUID PROTESTERS.
>> HERE’S ONE NOW.
MS. , YOU DON’T KNOW ANYONE WHO
WATCHES THE GUTFELD CHILLED, DO
YOU?
>> ACTUALLY, I DO.
>> YOU ARE ONE PERSON.
>> I DON’T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND
MY DAD WATCHES IT MY BROTHER AND
GRANDMA AND THEY HAVE THE VIDEOS
.
>> GET OUT OF HERE.
>> CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR
STUPID SHOW.
BACK TO YOU.
>> A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD SAY
GREAT, YOU SHOULD TAKE CREDIT
FOR THIS YOURSELF.
YOU DID ALL YOUR AMAZING AND I
LOVE YOU.
THANK YOU A LOT OF PEOPLE.
IT’S UNFAIR OTHER PEOPLE WERE
HERE TO HELP WITH PUT THEIR SHOW
TOGETHER LIKE TACT.
WHERE WOULD WE BE WITHOUT HER?
WOULD PROBABLY BE FINE.
>> SHE’S LIKE A TOOTHPICK,
SKINNY SHARP AND EASILY FITS AND
DARK DISGUSTING PLACES.
SHE’S THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS IF
YOU WANT A BLONDE OF FREDDY
KRUEGER.
SHE IS LIKE LAST WEEK’S
CHRISTMAS TREE.
OUT IN THE STREET AFTER COVERING
YOUR FLOOR WITH NEEDLES.
SHE ALWAYS HAS THE LAST LAUGH
AGAINST ANYONE WHO HEARS THAT
IMMEDIATELY WANTS TO DIE.
YOU THOUGHT AA WAS AT BYOB.
SHE’S LIKE AN ALARM CLOCK.
WHILE NOT STOP MAKING NOISE INTO
UPS ATTENTION TO HER.
EVERYONE AT THE BAR YEARS CHEERS
WHEN SHE FINALLY LEAVES. CONTRIBUTORS.
>> THERE IS TOMSCHA LU.
SHE’S BEEN HERE SINCE THE
BEGINNING LIKE ADAM, EVE AND
PELOSI.
A BETTER JOE BIDEN THAT JOE
BIDEN.
COME ON, MAN.
I DON’T NEED ANY NOTES. YOU CAN TAKE THAT TO THE BANK.
YOU CAN TAKE THAT TO THE BANK.
>> TAKE IT EASY.
WHEN A PROBLEM COMES ALONG, YOU
MUST WHIP IT BEFORE THE GREEN
STEPS UP TO LOG YOU MUST WEB IT.
THING IS GOING WRONG YOU MUST
WHIP IT.
WHIP IT GOOD.
I AM READY TO GO.
I AM READY TO DANCE.
>> I LOVE THAT.
BEAUTIFUL. AND, WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT HER
AND, WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT HER
ANGRY BLACK MALE?
>> HERE WE ARE.
IT’S BEEN A YEAR.
HER WE DOING?
WHEN WE STARTED THEY TREATED US
LIKE WE STOLE SOMETHING.
PAID US AND NEVER WORK DOWN.
WELL, THEY WERE KINDA RIGHT, WE
DID STILL SOMETHING.
THE NUMBER ONE SPOT.
WE RESPONDED 25 MILLION.
WE STILL PUT HANDS ON YOU.
A SPECIAL SHOUT OUT THE WHOLE
TEAM GENE.
EVERYBODY WHO MAKES WORK.
BOTH GABRIELLE’S AND GABBY’S
WHATEVER THEY’RE COMFORTABLE
WITH.
>> WE ARE KICKING BUTT AND
TAKING NAMES. GUTFELD, I GUESS YOU’RE THE
GUTFELD, I GUESS YOU’RE THE
LUCKIEST LEPRECHAUN.
>> NO SURPRISE BUCK’S HAS BEEN
GRATEFUL.
OUR RATINGS TRANSLATED TO
DOLLARS.
WE ARE MAKING THE TOP BRASS VERY
RICH AS WE BECOME ADDICTED TO
PILLS.
HERE ARE SOME WORKPLACE
WELL-WISHERS.
YOU CAN FEEL THE LOVE.
♪ MUSIC PLAYING ♪
>> ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT THE ONE
YOUR INNER BURSARY?
>> IT’S ONLY BEEN ONE YEAR?
IS LIKE DOG YEARS AT FEELS LIKE
70.
>> IS THE ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY
OF GUTFELD, ANYTHING YOU WANT TO
SAY?
>> I’M SORRY.
I HAVE TO GET TO A MEETING.
>> IF HE THINK TO SAY FOR THE
ANNIVERSARY BECKY OWES ME MONEY.
>> GREG?
WHOSE GREG?
>> AND TO SAY ABOUT THE ONE YOUR
INNER BURSARY?
>> WHO AS OF THIS.
>> GREG GUTFELD.
>> GUTFELD?
I’LL PASS.
>> ANYWAY, THAT SHALL BECOME THE
TALK OF THE INDUSTRY.
A RANDOM EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA.
PEOPLE EVA LOVED IT OR HATED IT.
THEY COULDN’T STOP TALKING ABOUT
IT.
>> GOES A NEW KING OF LATE-NIGHT
AND HIS NAME IS GREG GUTFELD.
FOX NEW @ NIGHT THEY THING.
OR THEY MAKE FUN OF LIBERALS AND
THEY ARE DOING IT TO GREAT
SUCCESS.
>> SO TRUE BUT BETTER WHEN HE
ADEQUATE GUARANTEE NO ON AND
THAT THEY BOTH GOT HIGH AND THAT
THEY TRIED TO ANALYZE THE SHOW.
>> I HEARD YOU TALK ABOUT THE
GUTFELD SHOW.
TALK TO ME MORE IN DETAIL.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT HIM, PER
SE?
>> WE DID A BET ON THAT.
I DON’T REMEMBER TALKING ABOUT
IT BECAUSE HONESTLY I DON’T KNOW
.
>> A COUPLE EPISODES?
>> NOT EVEN TO.
>> NO.
>> NOT TWO SECONDS.
>> THAT’S WHY WE DIDN’T DO A BET
ON IT.
IT’S AN ISSUE ON IT.
GREG GOT IS WORKING NOW IS
SOMETHING TO WORK FROM.
BUT THE LEFT IS GOOFY.
AND A LOT OF WAYS.
THERE IS MATERIAL FOR SOMEONE
LIKE GREG GUTFELD TOO WORK WITH.
MAYBE HE’S DOING AND I’M MISSING
IT.
I’M GOING BY WHAT THEY SAY IN MY
RIDER PRODUCER MEETING.
>> HAVE A FEELING OF THE WOOLEY
GEORGE SO.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> IT’S SINCERE BECAUSE I ALWAYS
TALK ABOUT HIS SHOW.
>> I DON’T CARE.
>> MUCH MORE CONCERN THAT WERE
OUT OF POP YOUR YACHT.
>> THAT WAS AMAZING.
I WISH TARANTINO COMPLETED HAS
THOUGHT, BUT IT’S NICE TO SEE
THEM CHATTING ABOUT THE SHOW.
IT MEANS WE PUNCTURED THEIR
BUBBLE AND WE ARE NOT DONE.
WE SHOULD ALSO THINK PRODUCERS
WHO MAKE ME LOOK BETTER THAN I
AM.
BUT THE BIGGEST THANKS GO TO YOU
, DEAR VIEWER.
CHECK US OUT IN THE KEY SERIAL
KILLER DISMEMBERING A VICTIM,
YOU LIKED WHAT YOU SAW.
>> YOU DOCTOR HE HAS AND SPREAD
THE WORD AND THAT WE ARE THE
MOST SUCCESSFUL LATE-NIGHT SHOW
IN THE HISTORY OF ALL TELEVISION
.
THAT’S PROBABLY NOT TRUE, BUT
ARE YOU GOING TO FACT CHECK IT?
REALLY?
RIGHT AFTER YOU CLICK BEHIND
YOUR REFRIGERATOR.
THAT’S THE BEAUTY OF TB AND THE
BEAUTY OF ME.
THANK YOU, AMERICA.
ON TO ANOTHER YEAR OF US.
>> LET’S WELCOME TONIGHT’S
PASTOR.
HE SO WHAT HE HAS TO WEAR
SUNSCREEN TO THE PLANETARIUM.
TOMSCHA LOU.
SHE TALKED SO FAST SHE MAKES ME
FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE PLACING A
BID ON A COW.
OUTNUMBERED COHOST EMILY
COMPOUND YO.
IF HIS AUDIENCE MEMBER BUST A
GUT, IT’S BECAUSE THEY HAVE
APPENDICITIS.
ACTOR RIDER AND COMEDIENNE JAMIE
.
AND APRIL SHOWERS A REMINDER TO
DEBATE THIS MONTH.
>> I BELIEVE BECAUSE IT’S SUCH A
SPECIAL EVENING WE SHOULD HAVE
CAKE?
TO HAVE CAKE?
>> LIQUIDS HERE.
>> THEY BROUGHT US IN CAKE.
IT’S SO NICE OF YOU TO GET
DRESSED UP.
BE MIKE YOU’RE ALSO MESSENGER
APPARENTLY.
>> CAN YOU SLICE IT UP FOR US?
AND THEN GET IT ALL THE GUESTS.
TAKE YOUR TIME.
MY GOODNESS.
EMILY, HOW ARE YOU?
>> I’M SO EXCITED FOR YOU.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
THIS IS AWESOME.
>> IT IS KIND OF AMAZING HOW
MANY PEOPLE ESPECIALLY YOU.
IT.
>> YOU’RE WELCOME I’M SITTING
NEXT TO YOU.
I’M GENUINELY SO EXCITED FOR YOU
.
IT’S AN AMAZING ACCOMPLISHMENT.
I DEFINITELY REPRESENT MILLIONS
OF PEOPLE IN THAT SUPPORT AND
THAT LOVE AND JESSE SHINE.
I AM TRULY THRILLED TO BE HERE
TODAY AND SUPPORT YOU ON THE
ANNIVERSARY.
I SPEAK FOR THE WHOLE TEAM IN
TERMS OF MY RESPECT AND
ADMIRATION.
>> I DON’T KNOW IF I LET YOU
SPEAK FOR ME.
>> ICE SHOW SUPPORT AND STRATEGY
FOR THE WHOLE TEAM AND.
>> JAMIE, YOU MUST BE INCREDIBLY
GRATEFUL BECAUSE I’M ABLE TO FLY
YOU OUT OF ALASKA TO COME HERE
AND CHANGE SAD AND LONELY LIFE.
>> IT’S AMAZING.
I WANT 2.0 THE CAKE THING WAS
LESS ORGANIZED THAN BILL MARTIN
QUINN CLINTON TARANTINO.
>> OUT DID THINK THAT WAS
POSSIBLE.
>> YOU SHOULD TELL THOSE GUYS WE
ARE RECORDING.
I DON’T THINK THEY KNEW WE MET
THAT WAS AMAZING.
LET ME ASK YOU THIS.
WHAT DID YOU THINK TARANTINO WAS
ABOUT TO SAY?
>> OBVIOUSLY HE’S WATCHING IT.
>> AND YOU COULDN’T SEE HE
MENTIONS WOOLEY GEORGE WHICH IS
A SUPERIOR COAL SPORADIC PARODY
PRETENDED TO BE SOMEBODY MAYBE
THAT’S WHAT HE THOUGHT I WAS.
BUT I GOT THE FEELING HE LIKED
THAT.
I THINK SO IN THAT I THINK YOU
WOULD KNOW BECAUSE YOU HAVE LIKE
THE MOST CONTEXT.
YOU BELIEVE THAT THEY MARCH THE
SECOND.
>> AND THEN AGAIN HE MIGHT NOT
WATCH ANYTHING.
IF I WILL BRING MORE I WOULD
WATCH ANYTHING.
I THINK IT’S AMAZING THAT
CLINTON TARANTINO ONCE.
>> I THINK IT’S AMAZING
EVERYBODY WATCHES AT.
>> UNDER THE VIDEO THE BELMAR
THING AND I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE
YOU AND JEAN TO SILLY BOYS ON A
VIDEO.
I WAS LIKE, YOU LOOK COMPLETELY
CONFUSED.
>> I THOUGHT THIS WAS A
HILARIOUS PARODY.
THOSE GUYS ACTUALLY GETTING
FILLED THE TALKING ABOUT GREG,
IT’S HILARIOUS.
>> I THOUGHT TOM WAS PLAYING THE
MICROPHONE.
>> SO, CAT, TAKES THE STAGE AND
TALK ABOUT THIS YOU BEEN ON THE
SHOW SINCE THE START.
>> YES I HAVE.
THIS IS MORE EXCITING THAN
PROBABLY MY BIRTH AND THAT’S NOT
JUST BECAUSE SO MUCH BAD STUFF
HAPPENED ON MY BIRTHDAY.
IT’S OBVIOUSLY LIKE I WANTED TO
BE ON RED IBB FOR YOU KNEW I
EXISTED.
THAT WAS MY GOAL.
I WANTED TO BE ON RED EYE AND
FOR THIS TO HAPPEN, IT’S REALLY
AMAZING AND I’M REALLY BUSY.
I’VE NEVER DRINK LESS OR NEVER
BEEN ACCUSED OF BEING DRUNK ONCE
.
>> THAT’S TRUE YOU DID PUT UP
WITH A LOT OF MY.
>> PEOPLE DON’T UNDERSTAND AT
HOME.
SHE WRITES HALF AT THE INTAKE.
SHE IS WRITING THE ONES THAT YOU
GO WE ARE AT THAT BAR.
>> STARTED YELLING AT US.
>> LIKE STOP BEING A I’M RIGHT
HERE.
AND WERE HANGING OUT.
WE ARE FRIENDS APPEAR YET.
>> AND I GO, LOOK AT, SHE WRITES
THEM.
SHE WRITES THE INSULTS.
SHE GOES, I DON’T CARE.
STOP.
SHE SAID SHE WAS A BIG FAN.
THIS IS WHAT WE DO.
YOU CAN’T TEASE SOMEBODY THAT
YOU DON’T LIKE THEM.
>> ALSO THINK THAT’S WHY
TARANTINO AND A LOT OF HOLLYWOOD
PEOPLE I DON’T KNOW IF THEY GET
IT.
IN HOLLYWOOD, EVERYTHING IS
ABOUT PRODUCTION AND BUDGETS AND
THEY MAKE EVERYTHING VERY SLICK
BUT THERE’S NOTHING BEHIND THAT.
THERE’S NOT A HUGE BUDGET FOR
THAT SHOW.
>> SO WHAT’S BEHIND THAT?
THIS IS WHAT I’M SAYING.
I THINK HE WATCHES IT SAYS IT
WAIT A MINUTE, HOW IS THAT SHOW
GETTING HIGH RATINGS WHEN IT’S A
BUNCH OF PEOPLE HAVING FUN.
IT DOES HAVE THE FEEL OF
SOMETHING THROWING TOGETHER.
THEN WATCHED A RED EYE, I WAS
LIKE IN MY THE ONLY ONE WHO
LOVES THAT SHOW?
I COULD NOT BELIEVE OTHER PEOPLE
LEFT AS MUCH AS I DID.
AND I SAW THE RATINGS I WAS LIKE
A FAMOUS PERSON ONCE SAID ABOUT
THAT SHOW THAT WE DON’T LET
PROFESSIONALISM GET IN THE WAY
OF THE PRODUCT.
PERFECT IT.
>> I DON’T HAVE ANY OF THAT.
>> IT’S TRUE.
LIKE A THROWAWAY COMMENT.
FOR PEOPLE WHO NOTICED WE DON’T
EVEN HAVE THE MUSIC ANYMORE WE
TOOK IT AWAY BECAUSE OF THE WAR.
IT’S LIKE, IT’S SOMETHING THAT’S
ENDEMIC TO A PROFESSIONAL SHOW
BUT DOES NOT FEEL LIKE WE NEED
IT.
IT FEELS LIKE IT WE COULD JUST
HAVE A CONVERSATION.
A LOT OF THINGS YOU DON’T REALLY
NEED IN A SHOW TO MAKE IT GREAT.
INTO THAT POINT, A LOT OF SHOWS
THAT ARE SEEN AS GREAT ARE ONLY
JUST PROFESSIONAL.
>> AND ANDERSON COOPER, THERE’S
NOTHING INTERESTING ABOUT HIM
BUT THERE IS SOMETHING
PROFESSIONAL ABOUT HIM.
EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM JUST LOSES
PROFESSIONALISM.
YOU COULD OR MUST SAY THAT ABOUT
SETH MEYERS WHO SHALL LOOKS NICE
BUT THERE’S NOTHING THERE.
>> YOU DON’T HAVE BILLS TO
FOLLOW.
THAT’S A GOOD THING.
>> I PLAY BY MY OWN MORALS.
I’M BAD BOY.
DON’T GET MY RAY, I WILL CRUSH
YOU LIKE A BUG.
INCLUDING ACTUAL BUGS.
I WILL CRUSH YOUR TWO.
IF YOU ARE ON ANOTHER PERSON,
I’LL CRUSH THE PERSON AND THE
BUG.
ON RIGHT?