So I changed to a sweater, and then you changed to a sweater
also.
I know.
We always dress pretty much exactly alike.
Never those pants for me.
No, you're not going to wear a stripe?
No, I don't think so.
Really?
You could carry it off.
I'll take those.
OK.
All right, I'll give you these then.
Your birthday is coming up, when is it?
March 24th, you should know that.
I should, I know.
Somebody write that down for me.
And I'm going to get you my gift.
And it's going to come soon.
I can't wait.
You doing anything special for your birthday?
I don't know.
Well, I'm doing--
I'm on the new season of Star Trek.
And they're doing a panel at the Paley Center, I think.
Yes.
But I think that's really it.
That's not really--
No.
That's not a birthday-- that's just a thing you do anytime.
Well, yeah.
I mean not anytime, but it's not a birthday celebration.
No.
Stephanie must be doing something for you.
No.
And the babies have never--
she's probably getting me something.
Yeah.
The babies, I realized this year that they've never
gotten me anything.
Wow, and they're three already, and they still
haven't gotten you anything.
They're not-- they'll be three in June.
Aw.
They're precious.
They're really cute.
Max and Finn.
There they are?
Which is the one I like best?
I'm not answering that.
I forgot.
There's one of them--
That's a terrible question.
Yeah, I forgot-- because now they look different.
So I don't remember.
Yeah.
They change all the time.
They're both lovable.
Yeah, they're both adorable.
Well, wait--
Actually, Stephanie got me-- something came to the house.
And I got it.
And I think it's for me.
Because Stephanie was like don't open this.
And then I was like, oh, I think this is mine.
Is it a wrapped gift?
It's a box that came in the mail.
And then I was carrying it upstairs.
And she was like, please don't look at it.
And I was like, OK, if this is for me,
I wonder what she thought I needed that weighed this much.
It was like backbreaking heavy.
Well, not if you can just hold it on the sides.
It can't be that heavy.
If it's heavy, it seems like you have to do that.
So when you describe holding a box like that--
Well, this isn't actual footage of when I was carrying it.
Oh.
That's just me doing an act out.
Oh, OK.
Yeah.
All right.
I was like this.
I see, I see.
That's an act out.
That to me, would-- then I would have--
This is actual footage.
That is.
Yes.
Then I would have known it was heavy.
And I was like, what do I need that is this heavy.
You see, that's when you tell the story, next time, that way.
And so--
What are you, my comedy coach?
Did you--
Do you want to guess what's in the box?
Well, I would like to, but I can't--
I'd need to see it.
Well, it's a box and it's that heavy.
This heavy.
Yes, this heavy.
So what-- what is that?
40 pounds?
No, I'm stronger than that.
I don't know.
It's 45 pounds.
I weighed it.
I think it's a bowling ball.
A flat bowling ball.
Well, you didn't tell me what the shape of the box is.
How can I guess.
If it was a ball, I would have been like this.
Well, it doesn't have to be wrapped like a ball.
It could be in a square box.
Bowling balls come completely wrapped.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
[INAUDIBLE] wrapping.
All right, well, if it is, then you haven't guessed it,
then there's a problem with you.
And there was actually a rope attached to the ball,
and I was going up the stairs.
And this big heavy ball was behind me.
You changed it.
Because you were holding it like this a minute ago.
You can't do the story--
I was carrying it like this from the mailbox.
And then when I had to go up the stairs--
I see.
I pulled the rope out.
I like this part of it.
That's really good too.
So Max and Finn, let's get back to them.
They're adorable.
And they're almost three.
And I assume they sleep through the night at three.
They do now.
There was this-- and they did even when they were little.
And then there was this terrible phase that they went through.
I think I was working on your special
when this was happening.
They were getting-- they thought 3:00 in the morning
was-- they were like, time to get up.
And they would just start their day.
And our wind-- oh, this is a different day.
This is when they woke us up with tambourines.
And I knew we had one tambourine.
I had no idea we had two.
And I told-- and I told Steph--
How?
What is wrong with you two that you allow that?
I told Stephanie that it seemed like we
were in a really hacky sitcom.
Yeah.
When the babies came walking in with tambourines.
Yeah.
Yes.
That's insane that they wake up at 3:00 AM.
They don't anymore, but when they did, like I said,
we'd go downstairs, and they'd run around the couch,
blaring the music.
And our windows are set up in a way
where you can't see too low.
So if anybody was walking by our house at 3:00 in the morning,
they would just see me and Stephanie running around
the couch to music blaring.
But the leaders of the parade are, you know, this tall.
That's hilarious.
Yeah.
That's hilarious.
And they love to chase garbage trucks too.
Yeah.
They've moved on to firetrucks.
Oh, OK, good, that's better than garbage trucks.
Yeah.
Tig mentioned that she was working on--
Tig directed my special, Relatable.
She directed--
[APPLAUSE]
All right, well, you we're here to talk about Instant Family,
which now we're out of time.
But it's out on Blu-ray and DVD.
And it was Mark Wahlberg, who is lovely to work with.
And Octavia Spencer.
Rose Byrne.
Yeah, Rose Byrne.
Other people too.
And some other people.
So do I say anything about it?
No, we've done it.
Well, I have more to say.
All right.
And you're not going to cut me off there.
All right, go ahead.
Well, we don't have time.
We don't.
All right, we'll be right back.